[SillyKitty]

I stopped taking Abilify about 2 months ago. It made me ridiculously tired, and I can't really afford it (I can't get assistance). I decided to stop taking it on my own. I know. Terrible idea. Well, I was feeling a little manic-y, but stopping taking it has thrown me into what I can feel becoming a full-blown episode. I called my PA (which I incorrectly referred to as an NP earlier today...sorry) and went in for an emergency appointment. She said she thought I was having a mixed episode and prescribed Lithium, but she told me not to expect to see any improvement since I was going on a low dose trial run. That if I didn't have any problems, she'd up it a week later. I called two days later and left a message that I wasn't having a mixed episode because I had woken up early that morning and realized that I just felt depressed because of a life situation and that I'd decided I didn't care, and I wasn't going to let that affect me. That I didn't need a return call. I just didn't want her to be worried, and I'd see her Wednesday.

Apparently that wasn't the greatest thing to decide to do. She did call me back of course and said I sounded "keyed up" and asked how I was sleeping and eating. I guess those answers weren't okay either because she asked about reactions to the Lithium, and told me to double it. One in the morning and one at night.

Well today was my first morning time dose. About an hour after I took it, I noticed a difference that thank god has worn off for the most part. I didn't feel any less manic, but I felt unable to express that. Like one of those horrible movies where the person is trapped inside their own body, and no one can hear them screaming. I have some extra stuff that goes on when I'm manic and I have to concentrate hard to keep it at bay, but instead it was like going-crazy-me trapped inside of a manic-me that was trapped in some kind of pleasant, acceptable, normal shell. Is this normal? If this is how it works, I'd rather be manic than manic and trapped! Esp since I'm not feeling reckless, just thinking really fast complex thoughts that I'm not convinced aren't actually good to have, and having energy, and eating less. On the downside, I can't sit still and I'm picking at my cuticles and am itchy and jumpy, but that's to be expected, and I've got that stuff to keep at bay, but that's tolerable. I don't want to stop taking it like she has prescribed. Doing that with the Abilify wasn't very smart. But I don't go back to see her until Wednesday morning!!! She won't even be there til Tuesday afternoon. I'm scared to go to the hospital because I absolutely cannot be hospitalized right now. I don't know what to do.

[Moose72]

Can you at least talk to a nurse at psych eŕ?

[SillyKitty]

I don't know. I guess maybe I could call tomorrow. I'm leery of talking with someone who doesn't usually see me. They don't "know" me or get my moods. My sister was taken to the psych ward against her will recently and I'm paranoid that it's going to happen to me. Then what would happen with my 4 yr old daughter if my husband and I ever split up? Though there are no plans of splitting. But IF. This is the way my thoughts go. *sigh*