A question for those that are unmedicated

I was dx's with bipolar1 and psychosis nos. I have the psychosis nos dx from two pdocs who were not sure where to place me... keep me in the bipolar spectrum or move my to schizoaffective. I have had psychosis outside of mood episodes. I also have a dx of anxiety disorder, ptsd, and anorexia. So those are the issues I was dealing with.

I did two intensive out patient therapy groups where I learnt a lot about ways I could help myself and rhings I needed to deal with and change. Both of the times I spent in those groups I learnt alot from watching the other patients. Some had some extreme learned helplessness which is pretty common. I had quite a bit of that too. But watching it in others from the outside was pretty eye opening for me, it was harder to see it in myself before that.

I used a lot of cbt and dbt, on my own after those groups. A lot of reading and practing things, taking an honest look at myself whether it was uncomfortable to look at and admit or not. That made a huge impact on my anxiety and ptsd as well as moods. Still had cycling but was much better able to deal with it. Especially depression. I had learnt so many unhealthy thought processes, codependency, terrible self esteem, perspectives etc from my upbring that really made my day to day experiences so much worse. It was a painful yet rewarding and long process to sort through it all.

I just kept going with that, then I picked up midfulness and was so intrigued with it I tried to find ways to make it a way of being most of the time instead of practicing here and there for 20 min when I had time. I started going to yoga which was another great way to bring mindfulness and meditationinto my life. It had a snowvall effect for me, the issues with anorexia started changing. I began to see my body and mind as something that I needed to nourish and something that I aprreciated and had love for instead of loathing. It really changed my life. When I started yoga I was on six meds...it was difficult to say the least to get my body co-operating and my mind present. So I dropped the benzos first. And I did well with that.

Then the antipsychotics, and then anti convulsant. Lithium I did last, because I was on lithium for 7 years and I knew it was kinda the glue for me. My meds never worked well at all, some made me much more ill. But lithium was probably the least offensive and least scary for me. It took me a long time to taper down off that. I was scared to come off and end up back where I started. I did ditch my meds cold turkey with no plan or skills probably 20 or so times and ended in very bad shape so I didn't want to repeat that.

In this time I also was dx'd with celiac and removed gluten from my diet 100%. Gluten has some ties with schizophrenia, add, autism and bipolar. I have eaten gluten a few times and felt serious mental decline. Some of the symptoms of celiac include depression, anxiety, and mood disturbances. For me that is true, so that also helped me a great deal. Who knows in my case what caused what. It seems like a had a big mix like many of us that lead to my mental state.

I had a newish pdoc. My old one had retired. He was in no way on board with me coming off any meds. He wanted me on a heavy coctail for life. He was not a great pdoc, in fact worst reviewed one in our city. So I didn't have his support or help. I just came here for that and to get advice on tappering. So I no longer have a pdoc or T. If I feel my self declining a little I do an invintory of what I have been doing and what area needs attention. Usually it is because I have been neglecting an important area either in the physical or mental. Like not getting enough sleep, or not eating healthy... or sometimes it is a matter of slipping back into old thought processes that just need redirected.

I know each of us is very different. We all arrived at bipolar in different ways. But somethings are more universal as well. We probably all can benefit from learning midfulness, healing, changing our unhealthy thought processes and learning that we do have some control, we do have the option to play an active role and it it does have direct impact. We are always told we cannot control our thoughts just our behaviour. I would probably argue that we can guide our thoughts and our feelings as well.

I am so glad that you have good coping skills, and that you know it...that is what gives us hope right. Hope is that magical ingredient that can move us from here to there.

It's such a personal choice. But I think many of us feel the pull to be med free as almost an insinct that something is not quite well there either. For me I knew I was getting sicker in body, mind and spirit. I figured there had to be a way to achieve some sort of balance instead of always trading off one for the other. Meds certainly have a place, I know that at times it was better that I was medicated but then I didnt have the ingredients I needed at the time to make it work without either. So I don't think I will nessecarily be in that place again. But anything is possible both ways. I am still working on issues I have, probabky will ve a life long process.

Wow I am sorry that is sooo long apparently med free did nothing to help me from talking so much

If you are truly diagnosed with Bipolar and you've already had a severe manic episode or depressive episode then I could not imagine a doctor in his/her right mind who would allow you to get off the meds.

I can understand your concern for people, and thanks for sharing your experience with trying to go off meds!

But I do kinda take offense to the part that I've quoted above. You seem to be implying that if you can handle living without meds that you aren't "truly" bipolar. I've never had a severe manic episode (hence the bipolar type 2, and my hypomanis are fairly tame too), but I've been suicidal multiple times and I am open about that when I'm not currently feeling that way. A doctor can't force you to take something and it's their job to help you and that includes working with you on your treatment.

Obviously doctors in their right minds will be against helping us wean off the meds. Who would pay them if more and more of their patients succeeded in being drug free? And I know nobody said it in this thread, but I dont subscribe to that school of thought that wanting to ditch meds is a symptom. A symptom of what? Human nature? My aunt has a degenerative immuno deficiency disease, its eating her bones, she wants to ditch her meds. My friend who's a paranoid sz, he wants to ditch his. My co-worker who's diabetic, he wants to not have to inject himself daily... Difference is some of us can actually ditch meds and live a good quality of life, and others not so much.

If bp MUST be medicated, why have they never found a bipolar drug for us? Why must I take seizure meds, now called mood stabilizers, or antipsychotics, or even anti depressents???

If doctors are so sure they know what is wrong, why have they not made any headway in trying to help us? Cancer patients have chemo, AIDS patients have ARV's, SZ, Depression, ADD all have meds manufactured specifically for treatment. Where is bipolar's? No we get off label usage and mixing and matching and most want to drug us into oblivion and call it stability.

I'm sorry, I went off on a tangent and on a rant, but just because I'm in the minority, doesn't mean my path is wrong, or that I'm not really dxd bipolar, and when people imply this it gets my back up the wall.

I mean, I dont say you're all a bunch of kitties for being on meds do I? No, and I don't even think that, yet its ok for people to say my dx is probably wrong if I can manage without meds...

Yeah sorry about that, I did not realize you had BP2. You understand my position on going off meds so thanks for listening. I just have seen too many ppl self destruct when they ditch the meds. It's obviously up to you to decide but don't forget about those that surround and support you. I've found when one only thinks of what is best for themselves might not be the best thing for others ie stop taking my meds without thinking that I could relapse and make everyone's lives around me miserable. I'd still consult your doctor about it. Good luck