[Skittles56]

This is my first visit to the forum in a few weeks. My irritability spiked and a few posts made me want to go into attack mode. I voluntarily removed myself from the triggers. I've been that way on Facebook too. I have it under control now, even though it goes through the roof sometimes, so I thought I would come and visit.

I just want to say to folks who doubt their diagnosis, this gives me intellectual proof, but sadly not emotional proof. A few years ago, before medication and therapy, I wouldn't have been able to control myself. I would have kept going in attack mode until I got banned. In fact, I dreamed that I had gotten banned.

I still want to stop taking my meds. Mostly for the side effects, but also just to see what happens. Stupid. I know what will happen. I already have the urges and sometimes it gets very difficult to fight them. It has gone from normal things triggering me (as normal as anything gets), to trivial things. A song, a place, and so forth.

I talked to my therapist a bit about it. I said that I thought about stopping the medications, and then if I got into trouble, I could start them again. He pointed out, correctly, that I might not know when I'm in trouble and that stopping the meds in itself was likely to trigger a manic episode.

Manic me says, "**** it, let's go!," while stable me says, "Do you really want to live with the three year aftermath of the last time?" Sometimes I barely have hold of the rope that keeps me from flying away. I constantly think it's going to get the better of me.

Anyway, thanks for listening, and I'm enjoying (for the most part) reading your posts again.

[Moose72]

Hi!

I know what it feels like to want to go off your meds. I've actually done it. But don't do it. You'll land up in mania land. At least that's what always happens to me.

[~Christina]

Glad you came back around The majority of people here I suspect have to sometimes take a step or 5 back and take a break , I know I do.