I want to go completly insane.

EternalWinter · Oct 29, 2013, 10:40 AM

So it could be sort of like a reset button, that I havent got sense rehab in july of 2012, Moved in with my Gf and our baby, I didnt want to be with her. Just to see the baby and think of joint custody plan, keeping plans to my self. But shes still here.

I tried doing everything to asking to break up many times saying I want to do my own thing but she cried and cried and some how made me back track on what I said. I tried making the relationship miserable and that only makes things bad she wont break it off. She only ignored me when I was drinking before rehab.

Im almost out of medication, in fact I only have a half dose left for today, I dont have a doctor anymore and I dont think ill go find a doc. I been thinking about just letting my self run out of lithium. Maybe, just maybe then, I will become unbearable enough for her to leave. I sometimes also blame the medication for maybe making me dull and to just kind of go with it all the time. Maybe If im off it I can be more blunt and tell her to leave, something has to change. Maybe ill spend the last of my money on a plane ticket to Europe. I dont care, anything.

I quit my job 5 months ago, out of frustration, got another job last month worked for two weeks then quit when my last job said I could go back. Then they just laid me off after a week. Its so frustrating, why would they do that? they knew I was working, I should have stayed. Now everyday my GF is giving me crap for not working and I want to pull my hair out.

Victoria'smom · Oct 29, 2013, 11:08 AM

So, why can't you move out? You don't want to be there so don't be there. "Going crazy" is going to look bad when going after joint custody. Get yourself a small studio even if that means living in a homeless shelter for awhile, there's also affordable housing but I don't know how it works in canada. All this passive aggressiveness is not going to help you when you go to court for your baby.

There is a lot of times breast feeding moms have to 'pump' for the father's visitation.

winter4me · Oct 29, 2013, 11:16 AM

It is not fair of you to try to make Her be the one to break things off. You are the one who wants to be out, so GO. She will cry, but she is better off without someone who does not care for her. And so is the child.

SillyKitty · Oct 29, 2013, 11:40 AM

It sounds like you don't really want to hurt her feelings, so you think if SHE breaks it off, she'll be okay. What you're doing is dragging out the hurt. If you don't want to be there just break it off. She might cry, but stand firm and you'll both be better off in the long run.

BlueInanna · Oct 29, 2013, 02:33 PM

Really tricky cuz of custody potential battle. But I really understand & feel the same why right now. Europe sounds good. What about moving out? Can you move out? Are you sure you won't regret it if you leave her - is there any chance for love to come back?
Try to get a pdoc appt. Or everyone freaks out "he's off his meds!!!!" If you don't like lithium, you can try others that you don't have to get blood tests for.
I thank lithium for helping pulling me out of a depression but not for the dullness & extra 50 lbs I gained.
I want to go totally insane ... I do ... Maybe I will, but my version is best not written publically (and it doesn't involve self harm). But I can't leave my kids.
Your child is not "better off without you" - not from what you've said here. Just because you don't love the mother? No.. If you stay with the mom, and grow so resentful that it seeps into parenting then yea - don't do that to the kid. And try not to fight in front of the kid. Small arguments are supposed to be beneficial for the kids if we end up showing them how we resolve disagreements. But the kid doesn't need to see the bad fights. Shared custody probably best option. Might need that Europe money for a lawyer.