[jazzyishere]

I finally set up another appointment with my pdoc. I thought I'd been doing well, but when I stepped back to look at it today I realized my life is in chaos. Every few months I'm depressed but doing ok, and then everything flies out of control.

Right now I'm in college, and last year I ended up in the psych ward right before the end of the fall semester. I ended up having to take an incomplete on one class, and it was upsetting. Then over the summer, I don't know what I was thinking, but I went out and leased a car I can't afford. Paying for it now is extremely stressful.

I got a job on campus that I quit a few days, said I was giving two weeks notice but couldn't drag myself out of bed today to go to one of my last shifts. I got all excited when I got an interview somewhere else that I quit before I even got hired. Luckily I did get the other job, but it was crazy either way.

I live in a sorority house, and upon realizing that the lease is with the landlord and not the sorority, I quit that too. They've interacted with me the last few weeks, heard me staying up all night working on stuff, heard me talking so fast that they don't get what I'm talking about and they just think I'm nuts. I went on a crazy rant and got angry about a lot of things and just left.

My boyfriend is also extremely depressed, he came to me yesterday and started crying and admitted that he's feeling suicidal. I was so completely burned out that I could barely do anything to be helpful. All I had the energy to do was hold him and tell him that I love him.

I don't know what to do now. I want to be stable, but I've realized that I just don't know how. I'll start taking medication again, but I don't think that's going to solve the whole problem. How do I start recognizing that I'm making decisions that don't make sense?

[Victoria'smom]

Most people with bipolar go to therapy too. It sounds like a good option for you. I have a rule that I can't make any major decisions unless I wait 6 months.

[yagalada]

I agree with going to therapy. Is there a center you can go to on campus?

[gglunar]

Dear jazzyishere, it´s very difficult to make right decisions when we are ill. I have a terrible depression two years ago and after almost two years of treatment with fluoxetina I still take 10mg a day. One thing I´ve learned from my doctor is that depression is a disease, an acute disease in fact. So you should realise that the only way to treat depression is taking a pill. There is not another way.

And another important thing that my doctor taught me is that depression, unlike another illness, is a disease that needs a lot of time for you to watch results, so if one doesn´t take the med one will never see results, I mean permanent results.

So you ask "Why Do I Keep Doing This?", it´s because you´re ill, we are ill. I´d love to tell you something else, but we are ill and if we don´t take care of ourselves nobody is gonna make it for us. So please, if you are already taking your med do not stop taking it anymore. Just realise the vicious circle you´re on. Your pill is going to cure your depression, believe me, but if you don´t take it, it won´t.

My whole love for you an your boyfriend.