[henrydavidtherobot]

I was diagnosed with cyclothymia in September and BPD this month. I struggle a lot with impulsivity.

I got really drunk last night and people were judging me and making fun of me. I get that it's my own fault, but how do I cut myself a break? These things are hard to manage.

This is all too much.

Advice? Hugs?

[medicalfox]

Loving yourself is the most important thing you can do. Someone on this forum will have better advice than me so hang in there

Also, people your age can be cruel and disrespectful. I remember being 19 and how cruel the other teens were too me. Try to surround yourself with better people, that's what I did and life got easier because I had less negativity to deal with.

[dubblemonkey]

...alcohol does things to me way beyond my illness...

...and my illness does things much above and beyond alcohol...

drinking too much is easy

thinking to much is not

my friend!....

mental illness and the chemical indulgence?

not cool...
if it hurts
and you can feel the pain

you did ask

[Rick7892]

Sometimes we can be brutal to ourselves. Too brutal. I know I can and have. 10+ years ago at a 12 Step Meeting, I remember a tough guy from Boston with a gravelly voice often saying that if anyone treated his dog the way he treated himself, he would shoot them! And the way he said that got my attention!

Trying to be kind to ourself directly can be tough. So indirection can help by trying to practice being as kind to ourself as we would be to a loved one, a friend, or a pet. For those of us who have a hard time giving ourselves a break, this can be a start! Best wishes!

[PrairieCat]

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

I was diagnosed with cyclothymia in September and BPD this month. I struggle a lot with impulsivity.

I got really drunk last night and people were judging me and making fun of me. I get that it's my own fault, but how do I cut myself a break? These things are hard to manage.

This is all too much.

Advice? Hugs?

Yes, sometimes it is all just too much. I get it. Simply start detaching from negative people and find better ones to replace them. I've found that if there is an open space/spaces there for better people, they do come along. Give yourself a break every day. Instead of drinking, go for a walk in nature, write in your journal, visit an art gallery, paint or draw a picture of your feelings. Write a letter to someone or something you're upset with and then "send it" by burning it or tearing it up. Read it out loud first! You can do many different things to create these breaks for yourself, create your own 'rituals' of breaks for yourself by doing one of the above or work on coming up your own positive ideas and have compassion for yourself. We've got to find ways to love ourselves.

[Chloebella2003]

After never being much of a drinker, I've also recently found myself "self medicating" with alcohol. It's scary.

[henrydavidtherobot]

Thank u all for the help. I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to live in a college town when I'm feeling impulsive. I can handle myself 90% of the time, but when I don't, I'm a **** show. I wonder what everyone thinks of me

[elevatedsoul]

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

Thank u all for the help. I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to live in a college town when I'm feeling impulsive. I can handle myself 90% of the time, but when I don't, I'm a **** show. I wonder what everyone thinks of me

well , how is it your fault?
I dont think its right to judge or ever make fun of someone, its demoralizing.
I was drinking alot for a while... it worked in the begining, but i started having more and more moments where i just thought "what in the world am i doing.." i even abruptly quit doing everything for an entire year, including eating meat? iunno, but that was years ago and i had since then started again. Im a quiet introvert so when i drink it helps me to extrovert myself.. since im not used to that i tend to do things that i wouldnt normally do sober, like having different conversations with people - sometimes about stuff im not even into, running or trying to be active even though im not that active of a person
(i've ran into quite a few things for some reason haha , a picnic table at full sprint for example, on accident of course - in the middle of the night and i just couldnt see running in the dark)
I wasn't exactly enjoying the company i was with while drinking, nor did i like the hangovers and health issues that could come with drinking, and often feeling guilty or ashamed of what i did the next day (even though it really wasnt anything bad or i didnt even remember) but even through all that i would wake up wanting to go drink - I dont drink so much now, haven't had a drink in a couple weeks i think... im not counting.. ; i guess my long winded point is that i dont really think its so much the drinking.. but the people we surround our selves by when we drink, if they were thinking bad things about you or judging you then they arent friends or care about the real you right?
always easier said than done but be good to yourself and try not to let other persons opinions get to you; after all, we're the ones that are awake right? hehe ; I dont know much about the city life so i cant really say much for that.. but i hope that my alcohol tale is helpful a little , I think that i tend to be made fun of and joked about when i drink but its just because i think differently than everyone i know.. my therapist said that often times when people stand out with opinions like that they are trying to justify their own feeling of knowing that they should be improving themselves, if that makes sense? i cant remember the words she used

so anyway when i go from being quiet and sad to active and talkative people have jokes :/ but apparently its because they see that im trying to do better and subconsciously are resisting the thought that they need to do better who'da thunk it?

[henrydavidtherobot]

That is exactly what I needed to hear. Stuff makes more sense now.