[Severa]

I started an account a long time ago.....it's been forever since I've even thought about logging in and posting something. I've been somewhat okay. I was content with lurking over at the Bipolar Subreddit. Lurking and handling things day to day.

I can't work. I can't cope with people and noise. I leave my house just enough to get the things I need and come straight back, my barrier to the noises that overwhelm me are my headphones. I can at least get simple things like the grocery shopping done with headphones, if anything goes awry, I sleep for 2-3 days just to recover from the exhaustion.

I started a relationship with someone, and we live together, but as a result I have lost not only my disability funding but also my drug/ambulance/dental/vision plan. (I'm Canadian, so the rest is covered). His parents don't understand, his father is still convince all I have is anxiety (even though I have a definitive diagnosis from a psychologist), and he thinks I can just suck it up and start working. It took several people telling my SO that it's not as easy as just forcing myself through working.

Over Christmas his father basically told me if he even felt I was using my SO in any way he would have me removed from the house and my relationship.

If I knew that I was going to lose all my funding, my independence, and the ability to have my drugs safely adjusted without worrying about whether or not it would cost me more money in the long run I honestly wouldn't have gotten back together with my SO (we split after dating a year because of communication issues, the fact that I wasn't comfortable moving across the city to live in his condo with his roommates etc etc, it was amicable, and totally understandable).

Though thinking about it now, I'm seriously starting to think I shouldn't have ever gotten back together with my SO. There are things I cannot physically give him, and some things that should've been a deal breaker from the start.

Because of the things I cannot give him, he's taking unnecessary and disrespectful risks. I have no choice in the matter, he's doing it and that's that (the excuse is that he's trying to find himself).

I don't know. I'm sitting at home in my office, drinking tea, crying my eyes out because I feel so hopeless, disrespected, and I feel like I don't belong in my own home. Even when I have good days, I feel like I don't belong anywhere, and if I could I would go to sleep and stay there....because at least it's peaceful in my sleep.

[Victoria'smom]

If there is any way to move into a small studio yourself close to him to get your assistance back, evaluate your relationship, and get healthy. No one deserves feeling disrespected in their relationship.