[niceguy]

Hiya,

My feelings are changing. I love someone who will never be the right fit. I fell in love at first sight. I regret that now. Yet at the same time, I wouldn't have had it any other way. They were and are the love of my life and to have known that even for a moment, is worth the torment now.

The worst part, is the more i loved, the more they turned on me. Using my feelings against me and then turning around saying they missed me. They in fact used my own feelings to manipulate me. Messed with my self-esteem constantly. Yet they said they hated themselves, for their life, but no did not hate me.

This person still doesn't understand the affect they have over me. I am constantly in a dream, a fantasy of the two of us. Wondering, if and when they will fight for me. I would give it all up for them, destroy my own life, all for them.

However, i can't risk it all for nothing and they wont tell me how they really feel. Pretend that it is purely sexually based, nothing more. However, after three years of waiting around,without me sleeping with them, you would have to assume there is more from their end. They wouldnt even lie, though- tell me what i want to hear to achieve the ultimate goal. If all they wanted was sex, why not lie, they lie constantly about everything esle. Why?

I know it is time to move on, but if i can't stop thinking of them- how will i ever do that?

I dream of that day, the romantic day, they wake up and fight. I dream of them all the time. Both litterally in waking life and asleep.

That is the point though, it is all a pointless dream. They will never return.
They will never know, i truly love them- even if i cannot prove it yet.

[FaithlessCat]

Time .... and meeting someone who truly deserves your love and attention.

It took me 10 years, and truth be told I married the first and only guy who ever made me forget this other guy.
It sucks but one day you will wake up and realise you haven't thought about that person in a while.

[x_BabyG_x]

Took me 10 years also... The day you wake up and realise that your worth so much more than being with somebody who doesn't see your soul for what it is.

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[Marshellette]

I dated someone for three years that just wanted sex. This is called the hang-around guy, he'll date you for ten years but you'll never see that ring.

[eskielover]

There is no way to fall in love with someone at first sight. It takes knowing someone to know if you even like them & you cant love someone without liking them.

Good looks, attraction, Lust,wishful thinking that they will give you the life you've been dreaming of....but thats NOT LOVE....then when they realize you dont fit what they really wanted or they dont fit it's a breakup....
When you REALLY get to know each other & LOVE GROWS from respect for each other, interests & commonalities....love grows out of those things....attraction is the first step but it's NOT LOVE.

When it grows INTO love then there is a vested for both to work at resolving differences...without that walking away is easy

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[smmath]

Maybe make a pros and cons list of whether thinking about her is good to organize your thoughts on the matter.

Smmath appears to have the right idea... Pro/con lists are a good way to separate the pain you're feeling from the facts of the matter. See things with greater clarity.

If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. But at the very least, remember that you will always have yourself: Don't disrespect that by staying in a situation that causes you undue unhappiness.

I've been in that position before - on the opposite end. It's no consolation to you, obviously, but I was completely ignorant of what they were going through. Maybe I'm just bad at cues but... I just kept things purely physical as not to complicate an already ambiguous situation.

[niceguy]

Hi eskielover. A personal note; I did fall in love instantly. We did then build our relationship from there. There's love at first sight- textbook or no, chemical reaction or no. It was something I felt. How do you know the difference? How do you know love- at all? You feel it.
While, I appreciate the advice and understand you meant well. Puttin ones ideas on others is not a good idea. You may feel you know better- who am I to argue that, but after ten years in total and lust being argued to last only between six months and three years- I would have to disagree with your research.
Thankyou all the same and I wish happiness to all

[Crazycatlady82]

Just got out of a relationship in November. With the love of my life. Would've given the world for him. Turns out he has narcissistic personality disorder. These people steal your dreams and then sell them back to you. I think having mental illness makes us more susceptible to unsavory characters and more sensitive to the pain as well. Hope things get better for you soon!