[TheatreKid]

I wasn't sure which forum to put this in, but since bipolar is the problem, here it is.

I am transgender. For almost 3 years, I have been taking a weekly IM injection of testosterone. For the first year, I was more stable than I have ever been in my life. Then, the endocrinologist checked my testosterone levels and needed to cut the dosage in half. Ever since then, I have been in hell. There are periods of a month or two where I'm ok, and then I'm plunged into it again. Rapid cycling mania and depression. Not ultradian, the episodes last a week or two, depressions often longer, and they're extremely debilitating. For the past two years I've dropped out of school. October 2012 I was hospitalized and dropped out of school completely, and returned in September 2013 only to go manic again, then suicidally depressed, then I was hospitalized and dropped first term. I returned for second term in January, skipped the entire first two weeks of classes because I was too depressed, managed to hold it together enough to get low but passing grades so far.

I have less than 2 months left to go to finish this term. But again, for the past week I have been getting increasingly depressed, for the last two days, suicidal ideation, I can't eat, I can't study. It might be time for the hospital again. My meds need adjusted. I'd like to completely overhaul them but they already had a half-overhaul in November when I was hospitalized. I do not want to go to the hospital again. But I'm scared.

I need to feel like I'm not going to be in this hell forever. Stopping the testosterone is not an option, if you don't understand that, you're not trans. I don't suppose there are any other trans people with bipolar on this forum?

[rockymtngal]

I'm not trans but I am hoping you find a solution quickly. I'm sorry you're having a difficult time.

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[TheatreKid]

Thank you. I certainly welcome support from non trans people too.

[wildflowerchild25]

I'm not trans but I so hope you will find peace! Hormones can wreak havoc with your moods but I know you can't stop being yourself just because of a little madness! I don't know how meds interact with hormones so I hope you will find something that will help. I'm sure you will! It takes a long time to find a stabilizing combination. But it does happen so don't give up! I don know if you can get in with your pdoc sooner. That way you might be able to avoid hospital.

[hamster-bamster]

I am not trans either. It sounds as if you did not have a good team working for you. It is not clear whether your endocrinologist is talking to the pdoc, etc. You need those people to talk to one another, to rule out untoward drugs interactions, etc. From your post it does not appear that you have such a working, collaborative team in place yet.