[Theseus]

Right now I feel overwhelmed. I talked to my t-doc about it. I know what to do to eliminate the feeling, but it's still there. Overwhelming factors:

1. Spouse had shoulder surgery. Whenever he is sick or has surgery, and I am home, he turns into a helpless cripple. I snapped the other day and said he simply wants attention, and said "why do you do this to me?". When I am not around, he manages fine.

2. I hate my job, but I am thankful I have a job, and benefits. Many people don't, and I'm not unappreciative. I'm at this job almost 17 years, and in the IT field 34 years. I've had enough, but at almost 57 years old, where will I go, what will I do to get the same pay and benefits? I have a big project coming up in July I am not looking forward to. The irony is I've done these projects successfully countless times in the past. I can do it standing on my head with my eyes closed. T-doc said I'm not dreading it, but obsessing over it.

3. Damn squirrels and raccoons invaded my attic, causing major damage. I've had the squirrels removed by professionals and the house repaired and squirrel-proofed. The company guarantees their squirrel proofing. But now I have a female raccoon in the attic or in the plumbing wall with babies. I called the animal service again, but my contract was only for squirrels. I have a new contract for raccoons, which is understandable. This has cost me $2500 that I really don't have. The house needs other repairs I can't afford.

I don't want to do any of the things I used to do, like going to the gym or playing guitar. I think to myself "why bother?". People, including t-doc say that's the wrong attitude, but I just can't bring myself to do anything for myself. I feel like my karma and svadharma (meaning personal duty... I'm Hindu) are to do for everyone else but myself. I don't eat right or sleep right. I have a cup of oatmeal and a Muscle Milk shake sitting on my desk from 9:00 this morning, untouched. I have no appetite.

I can't shake this feeling of being overwhelmed or helpless. Though I have to say that the animal removal contractor has done work above and beyond what he contracted for, and has undercharged me. He went as far as fixing my fence. It is a 6' high wood slat fence. Two of the sections were blown down in windstorms, because the wood is rotted. He put new posts and bolted the sections. He never said a word to me, he just did it.

In a way, someone or something is always looking out for me, for which I'm not ungrateful. But jeez, when does it end!?

Thanks for listening.

[Capriciousness]

That is a lot! No wonder it is throwing you off balance. Hugs to you

[Theseus]

Thanks, sometimes I think it's me. I had a good weekend doing things around the house, but I'm really kind of down today. I hope it passes quickly.