functioning

greetings, new to this forum. I was diagnosed type one 5 years ago. I was a good junkie and took my trileptal and seroquel for 5 years, then one day I got the notion that I was in control, well most of you know that feeling. well one year later I have sunk to rock bottom. am currently waiting to get into new doctor. anyway even when I was on my meds I had a hard time keeping a job. mind you that I have only been fired from one or two jobs in my life. Ialways seem to find myself fighting to not tell the boss he is a stupid MF and then quit. sounds fun huh. well now I am going through a major depr. episode, don't want to go outside or even talk to my best friends. fortunately I have a wife to help me . anyway am I alone on the hiding from the world? how do others cope with this? How do you force yourself to go to work? dam depression sucks I am not looking forward to xmas.

we all isolate at one time or another. in fact, i would like to be referred to from now on as "THE QUEEN OF ISOLATION"...... i am getting better and you will improve also.

meds, you need to see your doctor and get something going there. and you are so lucky to have your wife, so many of us live alone and scraping bottom is no fun if there's no one to watch you do it and then help you up. my animals are pretty tired of it.

depression really sucks. and this time of the year it gets much worse. just cling to the reality that you can find every day. make an appointment with your doc and get the new year going right.

keep posting and we'll help you through this........xoxoxo pat

Most of us have been through bad depressions & have made it out through competent care of a pdoc. I also have bp 1 & remained stable for about 4 years, then had a hypo manic phase for about 5 mos. that I didn't tell my doc about cuz it felt so good. Little did I know that that long without sleeping & being manic was setting me up for a major downturn. Ended up ODing & in the ER.

My doc adjusted my meds & sent me back to therapy. I'm working on getting myself out of the crying at a drop of the hat mode. I'm trying to do the self-care things like exercise, sit under the light for SAD, trying to eat better, go to support groups, & call friends I've met in support groups who understand & don't judge me.

I'm making progress & I know you will, too. Take care.--Suzy

well thanks for the thoughts. I have an appt in january, but thats a long ways off. anyway I'll get through it. is it true that this gets worse with age? how do you cope with the loss of a job and what do you do to get yourself to go out to get another job. I am down to only being able to get jobs from friends and those jobs are about gone

i don't know that it gets worse with age. i think we are maybe more aware of it than when we were younger.

job hunting is my least favourite thing in the world to do. i send you a big cloud of good vibes on this one..........xoxoxo pat

You aren't alone! I currently take trileptal and it helps, but I am having trouble with anti-depressants - I end up having bad side effects from them and a couple have actually sent me into manic episodes. The longest I have stayed at any job is 2 years. I can't seem to stand to stay any longer, everything and pretty much everyone ends up getting on my nerves and I cannot function properly and do the job properly because I cannot concentrate on it anymore. In fact, on one job my boss even said to me, you seem to have cycles and you do really great when your up, but you have these "downtimes" when you just don't do your job effectively. It's really hard learning to deal with Bi-polar, because you know how life should be and it's like a constant battle with yourself. I see someone else has claimed the "Queen of isolation" that is what my mother has dubbed me. It has really helped me to read up on bi-polar and listen to other peoples stories so that I know it's not just me. Its the disease, I'm not a bad person, I have symptoms of a disease (just like diabetes or any other disease) that I have to learn to deal with and manage. It's not easy, and it still sometimes makes me mad as H___, but that's the way it is. You are really blessed that you have a supportive wife to help you deal with things.

Sorry you have to wait until Jan. Time goes so slow when you're terribly depressed. I'd spend the time reading about bipolar as much as possible and the different lifestyle things you can do and ways other people handle it. Maybe it would make you feel like something was being done while you wait for meds. (if that's what you're going for). Keeping a journal might help kill time (for you, not to show to anybody).

I've only had two really bad episodes of depression (several times of general melancholy brooding, but not the real hard stuff). After I finally got through the last really bad one, I hoped that I'd never have another because I'm not sure I could get through it again. I find my depressions much harder to deal with than the mania. Fortunately for me (in a not so fortunate kind of way) I get manic way more often than depressed.

I'm about as much of a hermit as a person with a spouse and kid can be and I love my time alone. When I'm told I'm keeping to myself too much. I go for long walks alone, and that seems to appease the naggers since it gets me out of the house. It's like an isolation dance - we're isolating we're walking, we're isolating we're walking...

When I was depressed and too tired to even read, I was between docs and I used to fantasize about some amazing new doc or T that I was going to get and have conversations with this imaginary person. Sometimes they helped me figure out what I really wanted to say. Like getting a practice run in before the actual meeting so I get more accomplished and say what I've already planned out. (Clever, clever people with note my inability to be spontaneous).

If you're not too down to read, I'd read books, books on bipolar, books on bipolar depression, books on psych meds, books on therapy, books on tape if you're too miserable to read it yourself. And you have the net to get all that great information (and you can get it alone in a small dark room

Cheap books to be found on ebay, amazon, and half.com, even barnes&noble online sells used copies too. Cheap audio books too, cheap journals for writing in, or a cheap voice recorder to moan into. Type in bipolar and see what you get and all for 9.99 plus shipping and handling...Comes right to your door so you can stay comfortably isolated.

Hang in there until January. If nothing else, just keep breathing in and out. Check in here, so we know you are....good luck...

I know how frustrating it can be to wait forever for an appointment, especially when you really need the help...I had to through that last year. Things worked out OK, though, and I was happy to have waited, this particular doc was very good.

To tell you the truth, I was never able to truly overcome depression until the doctor added Seroquel to my existing med regimen (lithium and Lamictal). I have been feeling pretty "normal" for the first time in many years (>8 years). I hope this "normal" mood lasts forever; however, experience teaches me that at some time my depression will reoccur. In the meantime, I'll do everything I can do to maintain this equilibrium...regular sleep schedule (though the Seroquel makes it REALLY hard to wake up in the mornings), regular excercise (lifting weights 3 days/wk and aerobic type stuff on off days) and I am going to try to move on and reclaim my life. I'll be starting school in January...this is the part that worries me; I am concerned that the stress of school will cause trouble for me. But, it's really the only choice that I have, other than to sit around drawing disability.

I wish you well...I know how hard it can be. If you can do any of things I spoke of above, they are very helpful. But I know how hard it is to do these things when you're depressed.

All The Best,
DJ