[ginaaa22]

sorry this is going to be long...

so before I knew I had BPD I got into a huge fight with my cousin whom I was very close to. I knew I was bipolar at this time but I was still having alot of problems with my medications. I was not in therapy. She was supposed to be my maid of honor in my wedding and because we kept fighting (because of me mostly) she said she didnt want to do it anymore. This made me really mad. So I ignored her for a few days. I was still mad at this point. So she texted me again (I hate talking to her via text...things always get misconstrued) and basically pissed me off even more. Then her friend who was a bridemaid in my wedding backed out and I felt it was because of my cousin. I lost it. She started to ignore me which made me even more mad. When I get really mad I act like a child or if I dont get my way I throw a hissy fit. So I decided it would be a good idea to post something on facebook to the effect of that we were done and it isnt my fault that she hates her life because her husband is an alcoholic and abusive. which is true. she got really pissed off. She hasnt talked to me in over 8 months and Ive apologized a million times. She wont even listen to the fact that I have BPD. So fast forward to christmas...she wasnt there but her mom was. Mind you my cousin is 33 years old. Her mom flipped out on me and said I was a disgrace to my family and Im going to hell blah blah blah which made me seriously upset. I was abused as a child and stuff like that makes me feel really uncomfortable. No one said anything to her about flipping out on me. Im still really upset over this but no one gets why. They think I should just "let it go" but I cant. So this weekend is easter. My dad wants me to come home. I dont want to. I want to see him but he will be at my families where my aunt will be and possibly my cousin. I dont know what to do. My dad doesnt understand why Im still upset or why I dont want to go.

[Standup2me]

You always have to protect yourself, and make sure you are only in safe places.

I don't think that they are safe for you to be around. Too soul destroying.

And...."let it go" ranks right up there in stupid things people say

[ginaaa22]

I think its going to trigger a manic episode or me flipping out. Also, ive been having nughtmares about it every night..

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[Standup2me]

What I hear you saying is that you know it is going to be a dangerous trigger.

If it is invading your mind while sleeping, your brain is saying be afraid.

Always, always put safety first

Always listen to your inner voice

I know, easier said than done

[ginaaa22]

I just wish my dad understood how hard it is for me. I'm really afraid to go. I just think right now im not emotionally stable enough to battle this problem but that doesnt mean i wont be in the near future.

[Standup2me]

It is hard for non-bp's to understand.. They have that "just snap out of it:
thinking

[ginaaa22]

They think I should just face my problems and hope that there wont be another incident. I have always dealt with conflict tjat way...you make me uncomfortable/mad/upset I dont come around anymore..

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[swheaton]

I think you should stay away. They have no idea what it's like. Don't put yourself into a position that will hurt you.

[Standup2me]

i agree with SW, they are dangerous to you

However, I do realize easier said than done

[MagicsMom]

I agree as well. Stay away and protect yourself. My family doesn't understand either. I think only you guys truly understand. It's hard when everyone thinks you should just suck it up or snap out of it. If we could - we would!