Help me make her understand

Hello friends.

I have been going though a particularly long episode (at least for me) of mixed states. I do not know what started it but when it did start I got some deep depression, thinking very low of myself and tearing myself down. When I hit rock bottom I started raging out and hating the world. Then I got real guilty about raging and slip back into how much of a monster I am again. Then the rage starts back up. Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat, etc.

When I do start pulling out of that spiral the GF (you know from the previous posts how supportive of me she is) starts talking about how I am distant and how she feels lonely and how hard it is to let me have space and how much it hurts her when I am unwell. These are all valid feelings to talk about but as I am not completely well I just get overwhelmed with guilt and get kicked back into the cycle again

I have tried to tell her to wait to talk to me when I am well. But she just won't listen to me. So now it is even worse. Now I get into a deep depression about how much I hurt her and push her away and how I do not deserve what she does for me. That festers into a rage fueled by her not listening and blaming me for not being there for her when I am unwell and unable. This rage targets her and I say some pretty ****ed up stuff to her which then triggers.... well you get it by now. This has dragged on for weeks and I need her to let me get better.

Could someone, anyone, help her understand that she is not helping me like this? She won't listen to it coming from me.

Some women have a strong need to help. Have you suggested that she go on this site and check out the relationships with bipolar thread? That could give her insight into how other's who are with people in crisis deal with the situation. You could also suggest therapy for her.

But be thankful you have people who care. Hopefully you can come to a happy medium.

It sounds like she really needs an outlet for her feelings on this and has chosen you to be that outlet, which obviously doesn't work. Does she have other people in her life she can go to instead? I would try to direct her there. Would she maybe by herself want to talk to a professional about this? Or maybe attend an appointment with you so she can interact with your p/tdoc and maybe also hear it from a professional that you can't be her outlet for this. I know that my husband seemed to feel a lot better after meeting my pdoc and talking to her at a few of my appointments.

I have made many of these suggestions. But she won't (can't?) take it from me. You guys suggesting these things help as I can point her here to get it from somewhere other than me. Thank you all. Please keep it coming.

Firstly calm down yourself. Leave everything, every emotion. Just calm down. Take a breath. Go to some quite place, a beautiful one and see the nature over there. This will help you calm down. Then come back to your life and think all over it again. She needs your love and u need her's. So just hug her and tell her that you love her and that this is the time where you need her support. You really need to work hard to calm down yourself. I know its really a hard time for you but buddy we are all here to help each other. So, never feel alone. Just try what i said. I am damn sure this will help. Nature has the power to heal us. Just give it a try. Stay blessed.

If I could "calm down" I would not have this problem. I find that kinda insulting. I can't just go somewhere and snap out of it. Don't you think I have exhasted all my options before begging for help? I have tried nature, working out, gaming (my fav past time), a cigar and a glass of scotch, driving to nowhere, meditating... If it has been suggested I have done it. When I am in this state nothing helps. Maybe when I get to go to a pdoc regularly and get my meds tweaked these things might work but sure as hell don't work now.

I apologise if u felt bad but my whole motive was to make u feel good.

SEE?! This is exactly what I do!! I hurt people who try to help me! I just snap and assume the worst!!! AGGGAAHHAH

Sorry, I just.... ****ing A I'm sorry

I can't handle my mixed states at all, personally. It's just too much. I can really relate though. I think the posters who have suggested bringing her into an appt are dead on. I think that could really help. I hope things get better soon.

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I feel you so much. I try to isolate and not bother anyone when I'm feeling so down. Then they tell me they were trying to reach out and help me and are confused and felt that I was shutting them out. Makes me want to scream.

very Zen but when someone is in an intense manic or depressive or mixed state, they cannot just "calm down" I can sometimes watch meditation tapes on youtube but never just alone.

don't feel bad, I got the same "vibe" from the "calm down" post. how can we just calm down when we're in a super agitated state & our close loved ones don't "get it"

My sitatuation may be different from yours. I always knew I had manic-dep (since age 15 I knew, had symptoms from Day One). But I saw so many "shrinks" who said things like "you're just creative!" So I lived w/it until I was 46 & my husband Forced me to "see someone." Went to different pdocs & finally got the diag. 5 years to get on the right meds
My husband went w/me to All my appointments until my brain kind of settled down. I got him to read brochures. I read books galore. The most helpful for me were Kay Redfield Jamison's (NOT "Night Falls Fast" but all the others) I'd read quotes to my husband when I was balanced
BUT mixed states are so so hard to explain. It's so harsh to go through.
And it's true, women want to help, care-take. Maybe if your GF read this book, it would help her understand somewhat.
All my best to you. I'm in a mixed state right now. Spring is rough on us!! Don't give up!
Amazon.com: Bipolar Disorders: Mixed States, Rapid Cycling and Atypical Forms (Cambridge Studies in International and Comparative Law. New Series) (9780521835176): Andreas Marneros, Frederick Goodwin: Books

It's hopeless She just picks out what she wants to justify what she does. I was elevated and just tore into her for not even trying. I know I did wrong, I know I said things I should not have said in ways I should not have said them and she stormed out the house saying a few nasty things of her own. Although I know I was wrong, I can't help but think "I hope she doesn't come back"

I love her. I really do. I love when we mess around and go on our mini-adventures.
But I also hate her. I really do. I hate the guilt she dumps on me and the way she blames me for my illness when it is convenient.

Right now I am really pissed. I want her just to pack her bags and leave. I want her to cuss me out and tell me I am nothing to her, that she hates me and never wants to see me again. I want her to hit me, scream, throw something. Whatever the outcome, I want her to wash her hands of me.

If she does leave me I know I won't feel the pain tonight but it will hit me in the morning. I will have regrets and cry till there is nothing left inside. I might even think about trying to get her back. But it would never be the same again even if she could ever love me again.

Am I a bad person? Wanting this woman to hate me enough to leave me on the curb? I want her to throw back every hateful thing I have ever gave to her these past four years. I want her to destroy me and walk away and never look back. Then maybe, just maybe, I might feel at peace.