I hate being alive.

[MarkNoo11]

I understand the feeling. I like to think that because I have anhedonia I find the things it takes to sustain life are a horrible inconvenience. What sort of person works hard to sustain his misery.
This can be overcome. If you can't find anything that you like, find something you are good at. With time it can become valuable to you. Or maybe it just satisfies arrogance.

Anyway, look around and find something you think is worthwhile and go after it. You need to come up with a reason for being alive. Otherwise you are just a masochist.

[ashland]

please keep your chin up life is worth living although I feel suicidal once in awhile.

[pawn78]

Life is a crazy ride, we all get off soon enough. Enjoy the ride.

[Dix888]

don't give up. down moods do pass. I found some good groups---writing clubs that help me socialize (which is hard for me) & an outlet in writing. there are free groups in most towns. my small town has a Tolkein discussion club, book clubs, free lectures at the library.....etc. you can often meet people who have the same brain "situations" at these groups! we are with you!

Originally Posted by Dix888

don't give up. down moods do pass. I found some good groups---writing clubs that help me socialize (which is hard for me) & an outlet in writing. there are free groups in most towns. my small town has a Tolkein discussion club, book clubs, free lectures at the library.....etc. you can often meet people who have the same brain "situations" at these groups! we are with you!

Right now I just need something positive in my life. However nothing seems to ever be positive. Since my blood pressure is 180/112 unmedicated, the only thing I can think of that would be positive would be for a life ending stroke to hit me. Then I want have to worry about this bipolar crap any longer.

[Baroness4tea]

Yup...I agree with marknoo11. An hedonic makes life suck and the only thing you feel like doing is sleeping through your life. It turned out that my depression was actually worsened by too much antidepressant. It was making my depression way worse. I did way better on a mood stabilizer and small dose of antipsychotic, with no antidepressant. Talk to your doctor about your meds. Be willing to make some changes. Make sure your doc knows how bad you feel. Sending healing energy your way! Take care.

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[olivia4]

I feel your pain. Every day is hard to get up. The feeling of dread overtakes me the moment I wake up every day. All I want to do is go back to sleep. I worry my kids will think I'm a loser though so I end up getting up but MAN is it hard...so hard. Talk to us, we care and many can relate to you!

[tljim]

I'm sorry for your pain. Just know that you are loved. I hope you can get better soon even if it's just a little bit better. I will say a prayer for you.

[pawn78]

I am sending some joy your way, I am a little hypo-manic right now and feeling a lot of pleasure.

You should really talk to your Pdoc and ask for some different medication, that sounds like a rough one you are in.

My problem is because I bounce around so much, I don't know how to talk to the doctor. I always find a way to act better than I feel and cannot seem to relate my inner gloom and doom to them. I really think I need some other meds added into this. I'm trying desparately to be patient and let them run the show.

[usehername]

I can relate. Seems to be my favorite statement lately.

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[haleylaurel]

ditto. i just know everyone around me would be so much better off without me. despite the sadness, they'd move on and be less weighed down by my anchor of a life.

[Skitz13]

I totally get that feeling. I was in a deep depression for a year. Very suicidal. I've had many suicide attempts and all it did was traumatize my kids and I felt guilty about that, so like you I wish I would just have a massive heart attack because there are days the pain is too hard to bear but it does pass but not forever

You have to just keep communication open, like with us because we get it.