[nikmart20]

New here and came for some much needed help or maybe just someone to listen. I am bipolar 1 and struggle a lot as I am also a victim of abuse so there's PTSD, as well.

I am really in love with my BF. I always have been. Poor him. Therefore, he is always caught in the eye of the storm. I obsess about him when I'm manic and am very suspicious of him. When I'm depressed I'm so sad and he can't do anything right.

I know I've affected him a lot over the years. He has depression and I know I'm a big part of that.

How can he love me? I am so confused by this. Perplexed, really.

Today, he told me he told his therapists that my siblings and I are all bipolar with PTSD. I asked him how often he talks about me and he became upset about my prying into his therapy sessions (at least I sensed he did).

I feel so selfish to say this: I think he's going to therapy to learn how to break up with me. He should break up with me really, but I am horrified. I really want him in my life.

I want to be better, but I feel this wall. I hit it and revert to my old, crappy ways and he gets all the bad. I really believe I wasn't loved well/right and I don't love right. I am abusive without hitting or screaming.

Are there others who have been abused and gone to counseling and it helped them? How do people's partner's deal with their partner's bipolar disorder.

Any advice in general?

[pawn78]

I think you sound a little jealous and paranoid. Give your bf some space to do his therapy, if you are too suspicious and insecure, it will just drive him away.

Just let him process things, it is difficult to be in a relationship with us bipolar types, so cut him some slack.

[Skitz13]

Gotta agree with pawn78, he may have issues that have absolutely nothing to do with you and doesn't want to burden you with hem, your going through your own stuff.

[~Christina]

Are you in Therapy ? If not you really should be .. You have alot of stuff you need to work through.

Give your boyfriend some space and certainly dont ask about his Therapy sessions they are his and his alone until he decides to share if ever .. Therapy is a personal thing .

Good luck

[haleylaurel]

i tell my boyfriend to leave me every time i get manic. i don't know why he loves me either. i just want him to be happy and i convince myself i can't give that to him.

[wildflowerchild25]

I agree with Christina as I often do. Some of what you are saying does stem from your abuse, especially how you relate to people, especially in an intimate relationship. I used to be the same way with my first boyfriend. In fact when he told me he loved me for the first time my only response was "why?". Now we had issues and I'm glad we broke up but I think if you are not in therapy you should try it out. A therapist can help you work through the PTSD issues and also help you figure out which symptoms are PTSD and which are bipolar.

Sometimes relationships don't work out but if you're both in therapy and possibly when the time is right couples therapy at least you can both say you tried everything to make it work.

And also don't blame yourself for his problems. That will get you nowhere fast. I feel that way right now (my husband is a newly recovering addict) but I'm finding out more details I his abusive childhood that I didn't know were still affecting him so I know it's not entirely my fault. We are a lot to deal with but we can't cause a full blown mental illness all by our lonesome.

[nikmart20]

Thank you each for your replies. It didn't really occur to me until you told me I seem paranoid/ jealous. I mean I believe now that that was what it was. I am lacking some self-awareness there. I have to lay off.

As for the depression on his part, it helped a lot to consider that I can't make anyone have a mental illness. It makes sense because depression is prevalent in his immediate family. I just know I am often a hard person to be around (he and others have told me that).

I am planning to get a counselor soon. Two out of five of my siblings go to therapy, and they say it has helped but it freaks me out. We each need it, majorly. I don't know why I'm afraid to go. I guess it's because I have some major things to think about and face. I really hate to kick up the dirt of my past.

Thank you for this insight though it makes me consider therapy more. I was diagnosed maybe 3 years ago but just kept on living much the same ways. I am usually so focused on school (I'm a grad student and TA) that I avoid the issues. It's summer so I cant avoid them right now!

Consequently, I am hesitantly being pushed into facing things. I'm really happy to be here. I appreciate your help.