[sober-bipolar2chick]

[sober-bipolar2chick]

Why wont God remove this disease from me? I take my meds and try to care about people.

[Skitz13]

If god could take it all away, there wouldn't be suffering throughout the world. We get what we're given and it's up to us to make the best of what we have. NO it's not fair but it is what it is. Believe me, I've asked the same question over and over again.

[pawn78]

It's a genetic biological brain disorder. "God" has nothing to do with it.

Your moods and episodes will come and go, you will have remission and feel good sometimes, but life with bipolar is a roller coaster ride.

[Victoria'smom]

You have to to start creating a new you. Morn the old you but don't wish to be someone your not. Asking for the old you to come back is like wishing you were 10 again.

[Nammu]

I think MM is on to something, perhaps we aught to grieve for our old selfs our old dreams and then move on? The T here told me about the 3 a's.
Awareness
Acceptance
Action

For all my age and length of time diagnosed I'm only now aware that this BP 2 is here to stay in my life and if I want any kind of stable life I need to accept that and work with it instead of trying to deny the BP exists . that's me fighting with the BP instead of having a life!

[Blitter2014]

Life for now, is coexistence. Me and my body sharing emotion sapping and often debilitating monkey called BP. Recognizing that you share your body with BP helps. Sometimes you will have the upper hand and get to do what you want. Other days it will.

That helps you to know what days to fight and what days to go with the flow.

Its not your fault. Its not fair. But that is reality, that somedays will be good and some won't. Live for the good, accept the bad.

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[Flummixed]

I know how you feel. When I was younger I seemed to be more "with" things around me. I had an extreme amount of drive to do things, had hobbies, kept busy and what not. Now these days I feel like I'm a completely different person. A shell for lack of better description. I feel so hollow most of the time and that I just seem to be existing. I miss that me that was around about 15 years ago. I keep trying to tell myself that he's still inside me somewhere but I just can't seem to find him.

[BipolaRNurse]

You are the same person you were before the diagnosis. The difference is, now you KNOW what's wrong and you can do something about it instead of flailing away in the dark, fighting a shadow that's been dogging your heels for Lord knows how long.

But you do need time to grieve for the person you thought you were. That was one of the hardest things I've had to do during my own journey with this illness. I spent most of the first year just trying to accept the diagnosis, and was still in major denial about it till last fall, when I had a severe manic episode swiftly followed by a deep depression.

It's been a rocky road, and sometimes I STILL wish I could go back to the days before I was diagnosed. But I can't unring that bell, and when I think about it now I realize how much better life is now that I know the enemy's name.

[HoneyBack]

Reading these posts has made me realise again what a supportive community this is. I am feeling the same way, and it has been so encouraging to read what people have written. Maybe the "old me" won't come back, but it is in the process of change. Someone told me during one of my mixed episodes that she believed I would become a better person through it. I couldn't understand that at the time, but now in retrospect, I know I am less judgmental, less cocky and assured and probably less of a pain in the rear. I miss the confidence desperately, but I think now I have more time to listen and compassion for others. When you face the roller coaster of BP, I have found it fills you with compassion for the suffering of others. I wish this struggle was easier too, but all I can say is grieve and let go of what was, and embrace the change.

[Blitter2014]

I honestly am unsure of exactly who I am. Some people think the new me as they see me is a bit strange...but you have to just accept what the day brings and role with it rather than spend every ounce of energy projecting who you think you should be.

This is me today aftet a full night of nightmares



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[wildflowerchild25]

I must agree with everyone else. For eighteen months I have been either denying the existence of the condition, or, when that was no longer an option, minimizing the severity. Now THAT is no longer an option. So now I have to accept. If I don't I will die. That is blunt but true. If I don't accept this part of me I will lose myself to despair. I can't fight anymore, I am too tired. I will never ever be the person I used to be - able to manage myself without meds or therapy, able to go it alone and resist harmful behaviors. The condition has progressed too far for that. The next time I quit all treatment may be my last and I can't do that to my family.

So all I can do now is work hard to become a better version of myself. A stronger person. If I can put myself and my marriage back together after eighteen months of pure hell there's really nothing else that's going to be able to take me out. So I agree with the others - grieve for who you used to be, but also look forward to who you can become. You can be anyone you want to be - so much better than before.

[swheaton]

I'm not sure who the old me is, but I'm starting to accept what is. Try to be happy that you are uniquely you

[Blitter2014]

You are capable of everything you were before. But you become a wiser person and humbler person for living within what you can cope with. That makes you stronger, and smarter. It also allows you to empathize and assist others with their struggle.

There are many of us who have put lives back together so please keep fighting and know it can be done. No your life will never be the same, but different doesnt have to mean its going to be worse. In many cases it can be richer and more rewarding because your focus changes and what is portant becomes more a focus (life family fun).

You can do it.


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[buzz bee]

Oh the times I have asked myself the same question. But Ive been sick since I was around 12 years or alittle before. I did not get help until I was 35 or so. I feel like God is helping me live. Ive never had an old self outside bipolar. Im learning what Im all about. But it has taken the right meds. ( I think Im finally there! Only took seven years) I will alway fight this, but Im gardening again and having real belly laughs and enjoying the music.... I hope you find you again.