[OutlawedSpirit]

So me and my wife got into it last night over one of our cats. The two we have are not getting along, so we are discussing having to get rid of one of them before they end up hurting each other.

Somehow the conversation turned to our daughter and my wife said that she can see that I get frustrated with her and don't want her to hug on me and stuff. She went as far as to say that she thinks I would prefer it if our daughter wasn't around sometimes. Just the way she said it makes me feel like she views me as a failure as a parent.

She doesn't see how hard it is for me to show that kind of physical affection to our daughter. It verges on being uncomfortable for me. Even me giving my mom a hug can feel uncomfortable to me, and I don't know why. The only person I really feel comfortable being that close to is my wife.

How do I make her see that I really do love our daughter? Yes, I get frustrated with her, but who doesn't get frustrated with their kids from time to time? I mean, that is normal, isn't it? I feel like she is expecting me to be this perfect parent, which I'm not. I know I'm not, but why does it seem that the bar is placed so ******* high? Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a parent.

[gayleggg]

You don't say how old your daughter is, but that could make a difference if she is getting older. I believe it gets harder for fathers to share physical conntact. We our babies or born we really don't know how we will react. I hope there are other ways you can show your child how much you love her. Parents aren't perfect, we make mistakes, but we do the best we can. I hope your wife can see you are trying. As we get older we appreciate having them more and more. Mine is grown and I miss having her in my life on a daily basis, but I make the best of our time together. Wish I had spent more time with her when she was little. Hang in there.

[manymiles]

No you are not a failure as a parent because you don't show love to your daughter the way your wife wants you to.

The book 5 Love Languages may be useful to you. While it focuses on marriage it can be applied to any relationship IMO. It's basically this idea that their are 5 ways that people show love. We each have a primary way to show love. It could be: Words of affection, Acts of Service, Affection, Quality time or Gifts. You are not a failure because you have a "Love Language" different from what your wife wants or does.

This book may be useful so as to not feel like a failure. Also we can all learn different ways to show love in the language another would hear. For example does your daughter think she needs more hugs, more hang out time with you or something else, not necessarily what your wife says.

On a very side note, I wonder how the conversation went from cats to your daughter. Was she trying to get out of a losing battle about cats? I don't know. I just know my husband would do that and I'd have to remind him what we were talking about and that we could discuss the other thing but let us deal with cats first.

[OutlawedSpirit]

Our daughter is 7. I do things with her, like take her hiking and go for walks and stuff with her. I mean, I see where my wife is coming from, but the physical closeness with her just feels foreign to me. Just to clear things up a little, I'm not her father, I'm her "second mother". Maybe it would be easier for my wife to understand if I was a guy, I don't know. I guess a big difference between us is that her family is very casual and open, and I just wasn't raised that way. I wish I could give her hugs and stuff without feeling like I am doing something wrong. I've been trying to do better, but it is just so hard to change, to push past that comfort zone.