[Crazygrl882]

I feel so alone when I think about how bad I have gotten when having an episode.
I just want to know how bad others have found themselves when manic. If you read my other posts you'll see how bad I have been... I have so much guilt but my therapist says I was sick and it wasn't my fault. But I feel so responsible and bad about myself. I'm now on medication which is really helping me not get those full-blown episodes (thank goodness).

Just would like to know others' stories.

[reneegirl25]

I just noticed that you have Fibromyalgia. So do I. Is the Lyrica working out well for you because it made my bipolar worse?

[kaliope]

i like knowing i am not responsible for my manic behavior...i am mostly financially destructive. i max out all my credit cards. spend thousands of dollars..last time i spent over 3000 dollars in a month. i send crazy emails to people and i am so embarrassed afterward. i am just so convinced if i reveal all the intimate details of what i am going through they are going to have an answer for me...usually its, kali...your email scared me, i was wondering if i should call the police to come check on you...my last mania i barely slept for days..i was hearing voices, i wasnt eating..i was painting pictures and taking breaks to dance to loud music in my living room while smoking weed. i was painting two pictures a sitting. i dont normally do drugs. i drive fast with the radio blaring but hallucinate that other cars are coming into my lane and trying to crash into me. i gamble hundreds of dollars. thats all i can think of now..it has been awhile thankfully. but you are not alone..trust me....take care.

[Disorder7]

I've done a few illegal things.
But one the strangest was taking off in my husband's company truck to another state in search of seafood. Keep in mind the truck belonged to my husband's boss. I drove for hours, hoping to make it to the coast. I didn't make it. I checked into a hotel and slept for one or two hours, and returned home before dawn. Unfortunately, one of the headlights went out during the trip, so I drove home with high beams. I made many friends in other cars....

[pawn78]

Completely psychotic, out of control. Thought I was dying and god was ripping out of my body, and the entire world was literally ending!
I was so extremely manic, I thought I was immortal, the ER staff was frightened shitless of me, they had to restrain me and I Had to be knocked out with some drug at the ER, and hospitalized.

Pretty ****ing bad.

[Victoria'smom]

My most interesting: I was pregnant, but my husband has a visectomy...... I don't remember cheating on him..... Oh **** is gods. The only way I can protect the baby is to become a nun..... Informed my husband I was pregnant with gods baby and have to become a nun... His reaction was to drug me and made me lay down as he held me I decided the only way to protect the baby was to be with god.... Last thing I remember was him telling me god can do anything if he wanted you there he'd just take you there

I was okay when I woke up funniest thing is I'm atheist.

[Secretum]

I've never been really impulsive, but I have been psychotic. The worst was when I was extremely suicidal because dead people and inanimate objects were telling me that I needed to killl myself to "become one with the universe". I thought I had everything figured out, but actually I was very disorientated and not thinking straight.

[Resident Bipolar]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

My most interesting: I was pregnant, but my husband has a visectomy...... I don't remember cheating on him..... Oh **** is gods. The only way I can protect the baby is to become a nun..... Informed my husband I was pregnant with gods baby and have to become a nun... His reaction was to drug me and made me lay down as he held me I decided the only way to protect the baby was to be with god.... Last thing I remember was him telling me god can do anything if he wanted you there he'd just take you there

I was okay when I woke up funniest thing is I'm atheist.

You get that too, huh? As in religious beliefs when you're an atheist? Glad I'm not the only one. Confusing as I am strictly, stuck-in-my-ways atheist yet when I'm psychotic, I can be an angel.

[Victoria'smom]

You get that too, huh? As in religious beliefs when you're an atheist? Glad I'm not the only one. Confusing as I am strictly, stuck-in-my-ways atheist yet when I'm psychotic, I can be an angel. yep, I'm a hard atheist. I think its a culture thing why we can be religiously psychotic.

[TheatreKid]

I'm not usually impulsive but in my early 20's I would abuse alcohol while manic. One night I drank so much I was lying on my kitchen floor and struggling to breathe. Somehow I made it through that, though I probably nearly died. I wish I could say I stopped drinking after that, but I didn't. I drank for maybe 6 more months and then something very unpleasant happened at a bar and THEN I quit. I don't think I should be absolved from responsibility because I was manic. I KNEW I was manic, I KNEW what I was SUPPOSED to do if I was manic. The abuse in the bar was not my fault, I was drunk, but if I had taken proper care of myself I wouldn't have gotten drunk in the first place. I guess I was young, I'm not like that any more.

I only ever took a random trip once, I jumped on a bus and stayed a few days on an island (not tropical) in a bed and breakfast writing what I was sure would be the next bible. I took a bunch of photos of the island too, thought it was magic. The reason I went was because I'd been there during the day but really wanted to see it at night.

Psychosis-wise, my manic psychoses have included the belief I was carrying the antichrist and was going to be responsible for the end of the world (ok so that one was kind of mixed), belief that I was going to be the next Canadian olympic gold in trampoline, belief that the government was stalking me because I'd caught on to their human cloning program.

That's why I try really hard to take care of myself to prevent manic episodes from happening. I don't want to die, so I keep my psychiatrist informed of what's going on, and luckily since I'm honest she usually believes me.

I think one thing you'll find is you're never alone here.

[pawn78]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who went batshit crazy once in awhile!

[LiteraryLark]

I've only had one manic episode and it was a very traumatic experience. I was completely delusional and stayed in the hospital for three weeks, asking to go home every single day which I could have because I was 18 but my parents made me sign a waiver so that they had responsibility over me so that I couldn't leave. Then after I was diagnosed, I was completely numb from the meds I was a walking zombie for about a year, then I've spent the last three years healing and now I'm back to normal with little to no mood swings.

[Standup2me]

I got out of my car, grabbed a bat (long story - I keep one in the car)
and kept smashing it into the car in front of me, asking them "which one of you
m****r f**ker* wants to die first"

Then when I got home, I somehow thought that the RCMP was coming to arrest me

[Happy Camper]

Originally Posted by Secretum

I've never been really impulsive, but I have been psychotic. The worst was when I was extremely suicidal because dead people and inanimate objects were telling me that I needed to killl myself to "become one with the universe". I thought I had everything figured out, but actually I was very disorientated and not thinking straight.

Well, actually, your physical body was not what was meant, and the word "kill" is a bit misleading.

The thing to be "killed" was a false image or sense of identity that has been grafted onto you.

All beings going through enlightenment experience a letting go of worldly identity and ego.

[Crazygrl882]

Originally Posted by reneegirl25

I just noticed that you have Fibromyalgia. So do I. Is the Lyrica working out well for you because it made my bipolar worse?

I used to use Cymbalta, which made my bipolar worse, so my doctor switched me to Lyrica. I don't think the Lyrica works that well for my fibromyalgia though.

[BipolaRNurse]

Whew! All this makes my little stories seem pathetic by comparison. My worst problems when manic are spending large amounts of money, poor impulse control, and paranoia.

I think the stupidest thing I ever did when manic was toss my purse and a pack of cigarettes in the back of a co-worker's truck and take a road trip to Ensenada, Mexico over a long summer weekend. I think it was Labor Day weekend. Of course, I got drunk/stoned and danced on the bar, but I was liquored up or I wouldn't have done it. Or maybe I would have, because I was manic.

At some point I passed out and woke up ~24 hrs. later in an alley with a donkey snorting in my face and the worst hangover I ever had in my life. When I finally got home my phone was ringing off the wall, it was my sister and she'd been calling all weekend. She just about had kittens when I told her I'd been out of the country since Friday night. I didn't see anything wrong with it. LOL

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

Whew! All this makes my little stories seem pathetic by comparison. My worst problems when manic are spending large amounts of money, poor impulse control, and paranoia.

I think the stupidest thing I ever did when manic was toss my purse and a pack of cigarettes in the back of a co-worker's truck and take a road trip to Ensenada, Mexico over a long summer weekend. I think it was Labor Day weekend. Of course, I got drunk/stoned and danced on the bar, but I was liquored up or I wouldn't have done it. Or maybe I would have, because I was manic.

At some point I passed out and woke up ~24 hrs. later in an alley with a donkey snorting in my face and the worst hangover I ever had in my life. When I finally got home my phone was ringing off the wall, it was my sister and she'd been calling all weekend. She just about had kittens when I told her I'd been out of the country since Friday night. I didn't see anything wrong with it. LOL

Sometimes I wonder if I just started partying hard again like in my early 20's, (when I partied as hard as I worked) maybe I would just forget all about this bipolar, have more fun, and enjoy life again.

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by Lmciyah

Sometimes I wonder if I just started partying hard again like in my early 20's, (when I partied as hard as I worked) maybe I would just forget all about this bipolar, have more fun, and enjoy life again.

I've wondered that a time or two myself.

[Angry1541]

Originally Posted by Lmciyah

Sometimes I wonder if I just started partying hard again like in my early 20's, (when I partied as hard as I worked) maybe I would just forget all about this bipolar, have more fun, and enjoy life again.

I tried it, it doesn't work...I had to give up the rockstar lifestyle I was living, because it was making my BP much worse.