[Capriciousness]

I feel like I need so much more than other people. I need to talk. I need to vent. I need hugs. I need emotional support. I need people to pick up my slack. I need people to listen to my emotions. I need to cry and paint and meditate and have lots of down time. I need to stop everything if I get too stressed and start buzzing. I need to tell people how to help me when I am depressed and what to tell me when I'm manic. I need to safeguard all my friendships by apologizing in advance and reverse all the time.

Most of all I just need to talk and be heard and be listened to and talked to back and acknowledged. I need somewhere to go with all the intensity of feelings I have. I need to be understood.

I need to talk about my **** more than any of my friends. I experience a ferocious desperation and urgency to express myself and or to get help and support with some issue. I long for that connection. I need that support. I need that other perspective. Often times I need to vent so I don't blow a gasket or I need to get an opinion so I don't act out of impulse or I need some validation when I am faltering or I need some insight into a problem.

Why do I need all of this so much when most of my friends can be much more patient and selective. At least that is what it feels like to me. I mean of course Bipolar is going to make my emotional world a more exciting place to be than other people's. So maybe that is some of it.

I just feel so needy. I have been trying to get stronger in myself for awhile now but eve when I am feeling so strong and together I still just want to talk about my stuff. I also have to say that I love talking to my friends about their stuff. I love helping them.

Anyway. Just wondering if anybody else feels like this.

[Sad&Bipolar]

I also have Bipolar 1, and I too need to talk, so I make a lot of appointments with my therapist. When I am unstable the visits are more frequent. When I am doing better, I generally see him once a week. He is the best sounding board, and my voice of reason when I am not thinking in a reasonable way.

It is best to keep off subjects of mental health and emotional balance with friends, unless those friends also have Bipolar. Sometimes friends can start to distance themselves from you if they feel you are too needy.

Bring all that neediness here to PC, posting often. You can also find forums like this on NamiTalk and the Bipolar Chat Room. Utilize what is here to talk about all your needs so you do not overwhelm your friends. Be grateful that you have such good friends!

[Capriciousness]

Yes I know. I just wish I didn't need so much more than others. Oh well.

[pawn78]

This forum is my main outlet to vent, and communicate with like-minded people. I really love it.
And I love all of you, you fun, whacky bipolar friends!

[Curiosity77]

I can relate to what you are talking about. I go through some phases where I am more needy than other times. This forum has been so amazing because I feel like I can post anything, and I am supported. It helps just knowing other people are reading the stuff I write, and I always appreciate the feedback I get. I try to read other people's posts and reply when I can, because I want to be a support to other people too. I like reading your posts, and your responses to my posts. So, keep posting here, because it is never too needy.

[inflammable]

I need all those things too. And it's not a problem to have needs, it's just a question about how to get your needs met while also keeping in mind other people's boundaries and limitations. For emotional support, I do think spaces like here are a good idea. Sometimes journaling helps too, especially if there are no people to talk to. Have you ever tried calling a warmline? They're especially made for this, for people to feel less lonely.

But mostly it's about being OK with what you need and not judging yourself for having needs. It's a strength that you're able to articulate what you need, not a weakness. Honor yourself, and your needs.

[Trippin2.0]

If it helps any, I have neurotypical friends who need me in the ways you've described needing your friends.

I'm the go to gal for support, insight, guidance, a confidante etc... and I don't feel like any of them burden me at all.

Some people just need more emotional support than others, its not a bad thing. The only time its hazardous is when the friendships are one sided, and there's boundary crossing. You've stated you offer support to your friends in return, so there's no one sided issue and it looks like you do your best to be more self-soothing, which means you're considerate and weary of draining your support system.

So unless your friends are complaining, I don't see a problem.

You're not alone, even neurotypicals are with you in this boat

Me? I primarily speak to my T or friends I've met here. Although there definitly are times I vent to the friends I've mentioned above.

I just prefer to speak to people who get it.

[Capriciousness]

Wow! These are such wonderful, helpful, encouraging replies!

Thanks Curiosity! That means so much to me.

Inflammable, I loved what you said. I do think it is a strength. Like all strengths it needs some moderating and nurturing for sure. Thanks for the reminder not to judge myself so harshly. I was last night having the "well what the freak is wrong with me" feeling but now in the light of day I can hear you all and honor myself. I am the way I am for a reason.

I think the same sensitivity and emotional openness that makes me want more support from others is the same thing that enables me to be such a great emotional support to other people.

Which leads to...

Trippin, thanks for the insight about your neurotypical friends. As I was talking with my (mostly extremely supportive husband...see I do have him! He just often is a real logical man about stuff and not always what I need though lots of times exactly what I need!). Anyway I was talking to him and realized that a few of my friends often call me or reach out for help and support and insight into something they are going through. We often spend a whole phone convo talking about them not me. I do think I was being too hard on myself. I think part of it is the Bipolar that makes me super duper sensitive about "needing" people. But I often try to remind myself that if I had any kind if chronic illness I would need people somewhat more than others may do. Just the way illness is. And I do think it is a strength to be able to identify and manifest what you need. It is a way to stay balanced in this crazy bipolar life.

But anyway, I do see my other friends needing me too. There is also the function of just being busy grown ups. We don't all get to talk as much as we would like. And I am in that too. I am often busy too and have to pass on calls. But if someone NEEDS me I make it a priority and it does not feel like a burden. I have had to protect myself in the past from relationships and situations that were one sided. I felt used and depleted.

One friend I think brings out my insecurity because she herself is very unemotional and not "needy". Not in a bad way. It is just her temperament. She is a loving warm amazing person. I have known her forever and she has always been an amazing friend to me. She is generous and giving to a fault, knows me very well, and has been there for me. She was a great match for my manic self because she is frequently bored and needs little alone time so she was always up for whatever I thought of doing (within some kind if reason HA). Her unemotional cool as cucumber nature has made her and excellent match for me in many ways (like my man). But I always feel nervous about going to her with stuff since she rarely RARELY needs that same thing for me. Though she always wants to talk and hang out with me, says she loves me the way I am, and is happy to listen to me anytime as long as I can handle that she never knows what to say. She does though. She has been awesome many times. So I need to have faith in her that she is telling me the truth and will let me know if she can't handle something. My little brain just sometimes gets insecure and all lonely and ya know. And then I freak out a bit.

My other trigger for the insecurity is all the crap I am going through with this other old friend I have posted about. I can honestly say that relationship never became one sided. I have been there for her sooooo much. Especially one ages long situation about a guy she was into and it was an extremely negative unhealthy situation for her. She became so lost in it and sort of hostile and self focused about it that she lost other friends in it. As it was she burned me out and wanted to vent all the time and did not want me to reply to anything she said. So I began to feel really worried about her and very trapped and then she flipped out at me and I said I needed a little break. Two days later I said I was ready again. But she was too mad at me for needing a break. She never once seemed to appreciate what I was going through for her.

Okay point being that I have been there for her many times. That is one example. And I have never actually done something like that to her. My Bipolar or merely the very fact that I am Bipolar was too stressful for her and she pulled away from me. She was never honest with me but very much made me feel like a huge burden. Scheduling times way in advance to talk to me, not answering emails, not deigning to respond to my "Bipolar" ventings as she considered them to be. Whatever this a already a freaking novel and the whole thing with her a long long story that I keep dropping pieces of on this board.

Omg I can't believe I just wrote all that!!!!! My kids are like um hello. I need to go do things for this day!

Love you all! For real

[Capriciousness]

One more thing just so ya know. I am somehow everyone's best friends. None of my friends are friends. But of my close girlfriends, I am the best friend of four of them. Just saying. I don't want to toot my own horn but I am a really good friend

[~Christina]

Just know you can post here anytime