[exclamationpoint]

I always feel more down on the weekends. I don't have many friends and I never hang out with the ones I do have. The last two years I've been recovering from a serious depressive episode. I know it puts a strain on all the people close to me when I'm in an episode, but it feels like things will never be the same with my friends. We just aren't as close as we were before I went so far deep into the depression. It doesn't help that I'm struggling to find my way out of this depression still and, although things are way better, I feel really down most of the time. It's hard to maintain the friendships I do have when I feel so tired.

So much of my life I've been lonely. It feels like it will always be this way.

Is life with bipolar/mental illness naturally kind of lonely?

[glok]

Hello, exclamationpoint. Mental disorders have many challenging layers. I never have had many friends. Those friends I had either did not know what to say or tried to fix me. "How are you?" is not a question I can handle with dexterity. I know lonely.

I hope you find a way to be less lonely. Being reclusive is not the answer. Have you thought about volunteering?

I wish you well.

[providence1]

I empathize. Ever since I experienced a major episode/break last December I've been struggling to function in all the ways I used to. Sometimes I think all has permanently been diminished for me. I've struggled with many bouts of loneliness, which felt painful and dibilitating no matter where I was at with my mood disorder or how involved I was with friends.

I'm thankful for the relationships I've had with women in a romantic context, but when they all seem to end for whatever reason I find myself lonely and reclusive in the end. I've held on to a couple of friendships that help me from plummeting but I always become terrified that this will be my lot in life...drawing close to people and then winding up in my reclusive cave.

I have some pretty good social skills but I feel hindered by the unpredictablity of my moods and my contant struggle with money that leaves me worried and very preoccupied. Depression is a ruthless and impoverishing thing in and of itself. I hope this all makes sense.

This whole Bipolar thing (robbing me of what seems to be normal living for other people) makes me feel incapable of finding and keeping some solid companionship. I suppose my reply here, is me sharing this in order to "speak of the beast" so I can lessen it's lonely hold on me. I'd appreciate i little feedback too.

[inflammable]

I can relate to this. You're definitely not alone. I have friends, but it's hard to be social when you're not feeling up to it. Of course, when you stop seeing your friends, then you wind up feeling lonely -- so it's a catch 22. Being alone might feel like the thing to do when being with others is exhausting, but then you feel the loneliness and weight of unstructured time with nothing to do -- like weekends.

It's difficult because for me, I remember when I lived for the weekends, since I had so much to do. But now the only people I see are people who know what's going on with me. These are good friends but it's hard to do much of anything other than hanging out at my apartment, which gets old.

Still, it's better than nothing. I understand the concern about maintaining friendships when you're so tired, but sometimes even simple things, like inviting someone over to watch a movie with you, can help. It might help lift your depression even further. Or if that seems like too much, just calling a friend and talking for a while can help. Whatever you can do to feel a little less isolated, even in the midst of low energy.

[lilypup]

I agree and empathize with everything everyone has said. I'm coming off a two year bad depression so I know the drill. I feel lonely quite often, even when there are people in the house.
My t gave me an idea that worked for me. I call it the "friends list project"> I got on my phone and listed everyone in my life I liked and who were positive people. This included friends, relatives, a co worker or two, people from church, high school buddies off FB, you name it. I then put a reminder in my phone to check this list every Thursday. So I started off with the first person on the list. Even though I was depressed, I came up with some reasonable idea to contact them. Sometimes it was very small...like just a hello how r u? text. If I felt better maybe a phone call. Other things I did were to invite someone over for a drink and snack or whatever. When I was feeling better I would set up dates to go out and see a movie or have a meal. If they lived out of town I would try to call them once a month or so to chat. I've gotten several invites to visit ppl out of town and have done so when I felt up to it.
I worked my way down this list and tried to be as thick skinned as possible. If I didn't hear back from someone, I made a note to wait a couple of weeks and try again. After three tries I took them off the list. But you know what? I've only had to take ONE person off the list.
So I systematically rotate through my list and do things or talk to people. Sometimes I even make notes on what they are doing so I have something to say on the next visit. They know about my illness, but I try to save the negative for my T, pdoc, therapy support group and this board.
Anyway, I now have a solid group of friends with plenty to do. I've got a lot of other goals I am not meeting such as exercise and going to church, but I am going to try.
Just thought this might help someone out there.

[Dix888]

I am lucky in that I am a happy loner. But I am married (he works 2 jobs so I don't see him a lot) so that's also lucky
over the years, I've gotten involved in some groups that help vs. loneliness when it does happen. I am a writer, in a poetry workshop with the teacher & 2 other poets. We meet once a month. I'm also in a big writing group that meets once a month. And a poetry group that meets once a month in a coffee shop. So I am in a group 3x/month. That works for me. I sometimes meet for coffee w/one or two people from these groups.
You don't have to get real close w/these people (you can if you choose!) But they are people with like interests & it feels good to have acquaintances with similar interests.
I am of retirement age & there are free groups at the Sr. Center. Whiffle ball, pool, book clubs, discussion groups, music groups, lectures, trips to parks
But for all ages---libraries have free book clubs & many rec' centers have free or inexpensive groups like volleyball. Exercise helps vs. depression & being in a group helps vs. the loneliness.
I hope you can find something like this to help you!

Originally Posted by exclamationpoint

I always feel more down on the weekends. I don't have many friends and I never hang out with the ones I do have. The last two years I've been recovering from a serious depressive episode. I know it puts a strain on all the people close to me when I'm in an episode, but it feels like things will never be the same with my friends. We just aren't as close as we were before I went so far deep into the depression. It doesn't help that I'm struggling to find my way out of this depression still and, although things are way better, I feel really down most of the time. It's hard to maintain the friendships I do have when I feel so tired.

So much of my life I've been lonely. It feels like it will always be this way.

Is life with bipolar/mental illness naturally kind of lonely?

[exclamationpoint]

Thank you to everyone who responded to this. I really appreciate the support, the empathy, and the advice. You are all wonderful!

[sarahblue]

To add to what Dix888 said, I've had a lot of luck finding groups on Meetup.com. I am now active in a social group that goes out for dinners and dancing, a book group that meets once a month, and a yoga group.

I also really love lilypup's post about keeping in touch with the people that you already know. Awesome idea.