[Soul Quake]

I was diagnosed with Bipolar I about 3 years ago. Back then I said I would not allow my disorder to define me. Well it has and it does. I think about my disorder all of the time. I feel very stigmatized and like I'm living in a world that doesn't understand.

It taunts me every single minute of the day. I can't stop thinking about what happened during my psychotic episodes and live in fear that another will occur.

Is there ever any peace? Can I live a life without thinking about my mental illness all of the time?

[littlemiss44]

You can get peace of mind...it can take time to get used to being diagnosed bp or any other mental illness. Through therapy I've learned to fully embrace my illness and not to be ashamed by it. I was dx bp ten years ago and it was definitely a blow to my self esteem. During the time I was in dbt...that is a type if therapy called dialectical behavior therapy...I was then dx with bpd. That one really hit me hard. I thought my life was over. Thru all these discoveries i realized that it isn't my fault. I've been told that bpd is usually a result of being abused as a child which I was. So i decided a long time ago to accept my illness so I could have a peaceful life. I thought many times "who would want to love someone with these disorders? I'm labeled mi for crying out loud!" But I've found the love of my life just two years ago. Therapy can go a long way in helping you cope with yr illness. I'm just like anyone else except i take meds to balance out my brain chemicals. You are you...you are not yr bp. It's amazing how many people out there don't understand mi but there are so many who do understand. I'm sorry yr struggling with this. Are you in any kind of therapy? It can really help you find internal acceptance. I hope you have a good pdoc who really listens to you...being properly medicated makes all the diff in the world. It can keep you from having those psychotic breaks. Breathe easy and know that yr not alone. Learn as much as you can about bp so you can better understand yr self. That helped me alot...it explained that what happens to me is real and with proper treatment I could thrive instead of just surviving.

[Phoenix.]

Yes. It's hard to see it now, but you WILL find peace...ONLY if you want to, however. If you want to get better and you're ready to do the work, the stability will come. Keep positive people around you that accept you for what you are (like people on this site). You can do this! <3