[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

Feels like something switched in me yesterday afternoon. Was at my kids' afterschool activity, and my son was climbing on me to be held. It has driven me up the wall for the last several months most days...I haven't felt like holding him or having him climb on me. Yesterday, I just picked him up and held him for about 10 minutes or so, until I had to do something else. I noticed that, while it wasn't a huge feeling inside of 'wholeness' or whatever, I wasn't averse to it at all. And that made me feel good. It carried over through the evening to when I was back there for my class, and the instructor made a few comments about what a great mood I was in. I didn't think it was apparent to anyone else, but maybe I'm not as good at masking it as I thought.

Anyway, feeling pretty good about things today. Talked it over with my husband last night, too, and the thing is, I'm scared to trust this. It hurts so much to come down from this feeling, and I just don't think, particularly given how volatile I've been for the past week, that this will last long. I want it to, but how do I trust it?

I'm also trying to figure out what changed so I can do more of that, if possible. The only thing I did differently yesterday was to meditate just after lunch. My T has been trying (for a year!) to get me to practice mindfulness and, as a part of that, meditation. It's really hard for me to just sit and do it. But yesterday I looked up a guided meditation and found one online that was just under 4 minutes. Is it possible that just this one, very small act could have prompted a big change in my mood? Am going to keep doing it to see if it helps me continue to feel like this.

Also looking for a mood chart app where I can record not only my mood but things I've done that day...any suggestions?

[Hopeful Camel]

If it seems to have helped, it sure wouldn't hurt to keep at it and see if it continues to help! I know that meditation always helps shift my mood. I just find it hard to keep up a practice. But when I do, I reap benefits from it. Keeping track of your mood it a good idea, as well. I've been doing that for a bit, at my tdoc's suggestion and I'm learning a lot about myself from doing it.