[loophole]

Maybe im just trying to get general ideas and I doubt anyone can give me a great answer... I work at a place where it is 99% man. Several have 20 to 30 years in. it has less then 1000 employees and to be brief.. everyone knows me there.. literally everyone due to circumstances beyond my control. They don't know me from rumors or "bad things". people that work with me know I'm a good worker... problem is is everyone talks like it's highschool. I have been in php for a month and have been on sick leave the whole time.. a couple people that work there have seen me driving. I was going back and forth from the hospital everyday... anyway I went into the hospital because of this 3 and a half day blackout that ended up with me in inpatient (the loony bin to these folks)... they are already going to be assuming some things especially since people saw me (one guy saw me in the hospital parking lot one day).. how would you handle this...? I know tell them its none of their business! .. that's not my personality one.. and two half the people out there do honestly care.. it's the other half I dont.. but if I tell just a few people it will be all over the place sooner then later..... I thought about just saying I been having blackouts and it got bad and I had to goto the hospital to have tests run... but that still leaves loose ends for them to run with. .. like why were you off a whole month? I doubt it would take that long?

Anybody got any good ideas? I don't want to flat out lie.. I don't mind bending it a bit though... thanks for reading

[tipper1492]

I'm no one to give any advice, and certainly not educated in any such fields. I can not help recalling someone here saying "do not tell anyone". None of their business. I had only two friends (mostly) and they disappeared after I told them. In my tiny town everyone knows your business; if they can get it. Then their are those who love to gossip. And then their are those who know "nothing" about any mental illness what-so-ever. Many of them will see you as a vampire or something. They turn a nose up in the air, then go on with their personal life.

[~Christina]

Personally I would say you had some times when you were" blacking out " and you have been ungoing testing to see if it would be an ongoing problem or just a fluke of some sort. Your Doctors just want to keep checking on you often. That should be enough of an explanation. Whatever you decide to say ,, keep it short and easy to remember so you wont tell person A this and person B that .

Good luck

[wiretwister]

my co workers were never told anything about my being off a month, they think i had a breakdown from stress and that is fine with me....

I've found that when it comes to mental health issues the least said in the workplace the better.

This is what sick leave is for, and like any other medical condition, it's really nobody's business (managers & supervisors included) what the details are as long as we're able to perform our duties satisfactorily when not on leave.

If people try to pry, I simply tell them I appreciate their care and concern... That life just gobsmacks us sometimes and everything is gonna be alright.

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

[Velouria]

I'd just say, "Oh, some medical issues, don't really want to talk about it. But thanks for asking!" And leave it at that. If they keep pressing, just say it's no big deal and you appreciate their concern.

Or you can say "chronic fatigue." That one's pretty ambiguous. I mean, I imagine your experience did take a lot out of you. So it wouldn't be a total lie.

There are certain types of people who are really good at getting you to tell them things you don't necessarily want to talk about, because they come off as really nice and compassionate and understanding, and afterwards you're just like, "Why did I just tell them that?" So just be wary. Some who come off as really nice and compassionate and understanding absolutely can keep a secret, but others cannot. And if your workplace is like high school, then I'm sure there are those who would love to get their hands on a juicy bit of gossip. So keep telling everyone the same thing.

I'm lucky I work on what some of us refer to as The Island of Misfit Toys. I really don't have to worry about hiding much.

[loophole]

Thank you all. All good responses. . Seriously has been a huge help and every post makes me feel better and more confident! I needed it

[tipper1492]

WORLD PSYCHIATRY - JOURNAL OF THE WORLD PSYCHIATRIC ASSOCIATION talks about in length, understanding the impact of stigma on people with mental illness. Being STEREOTYPED, PREJUDICE, and MISCONCEPTIONS many people tend to have, or believe.

[loophole]

Originally Posted by tipper1492

WORLD PSYCHIATRY - JOURNAL OF THE WORLD PSYCHIATRIC ASSOCIATION talks about in length, understanding the impact of stigma on people with mental illness. Being STEREOTYPED, PREJUDICE, and MISCONCEPTIONS many people tend to have, or believe.

Good post and I do agree.. but maybe I'm not understanding why the post? Hehe it made me feel better either way. Good point. Thanks

[tipper1492]

Very easy to understand once you search, and read WORLD PSYCHIATRY - OFFICIAL JOURNAL OF THE WORLD PSYCHIATRIC ASSOCIATION. Tells about others being prejudice toward you; you being prejudice toward yourself. Only recently have there been studies done on how others opinions have about mental illness effect your feelings. People are prejudice about all kinds of things such as race. Some would go as far as to believe mentally ill people do not belong in such and such places. Article dated 2012 I believe. Worth reading.

Originally Posted by loophole

Maybe im just trying to get general ideas and I doubt anyone can give me a great answer... I work at a place where it is 99% man. Several have 20 to 30 years in. it has less then 1000 employees and to be brief.. everyone knows me there.. literally everyone due to circumstances beyond my control. They don't know me from rumors or "bad things". people that work with me know I'm a good worker... problem is is everyone talks like it's highschool. I have been in php for a month and have been on sick leave the whole time.. a couple people that work there have seen me driving. I was going back and forth from the hospital everyday... anyway I went into the hospital because of this 3 and a half day blackout that ended up with me in inpatient (the loony bin to these folks)... they are already going to be assuming some things especially since people saw me (one guy saw me in the hospital parking lot one day).. how would you handle this...? I know tell them its none of their business! .. that's not my personality one.. and two half the people out there do honestly care.. it's the other half I dont.. but if I tell just a few people it will be all over the place sooner then later..... I thought about just saying I been having blackouts and it got bad and I had to goto the hospital to have tests run... but that still leaves loose ends for them to run with. .. like why were you off a whole month? I doubt it would take that long?

Anybody got any good ideas? I don't want to flat out lie.. I don't mind bending it a bit though... thanks for reading

Like tipper said, mention some somatic illness. DO NOT mention mental illness. People will judge you and make your life miserable.

[StayinAlive]

I second what Velouria said. I would tell them something very vague, such as "I was having some medical treatment." If they press, "I'd rather not discuss it. Thanks so much for asking." If they press, just keep repeating the same answer. I've used that in other situations. Works like a charm.

At my work, people sometimes go on leave for medical procedures or treatments, like cancer or a hysterectomy. They don't discuss it with anyone. None of anyone's business. Same for you.

Hope it goes OK.

[loophole]

Thank you all and I will Google that. Sounds like good info.. appreciate all the replies. Truly does help my confidence

[Sinking Feeling]

What you tell them and how is pretty much dependent on your personality. I find humor is a great equalizer. If I was in that spot your in, I would make a joke out of it. That breaks the ice and ruins the fun any one might have in talking about it.

So it would go some thing like this..

Hey Sinking, why were you in the hospital for a month?

"detox! damn never knew heroin was that hard to get off of" (followed by a smile)

Typical response to me then would be a laugh and then may be asked again,

Very funny, but really what was up?

" just some boring medical reasons, I'm sure the rumors are more exciting then the truth which I'd rather not talk about"

But that would be me in my current work environment.

I agree with the others, the least they know the better

[loophole]

Originally Posted by Sinking Feeling

What you tell them and how is pretty much dependent on your personality. I find humor is a great equalizer. If I was in that spot your in, I would make a joke out of it. That breaks the ice and ruins the fun any one might have in talking about it.

So it would go some thing like this..

Hey Sinking, why were you in the hospital for a month?

"detox! damn never knew heroin was that hard to get off of" (followed by a smile)

Typical response to me then would be a laugh and then may be asked again,

Very funny, but really what was up?

" just some boring medical reasons, I'm sure the rumors are more exciting then the truth which I'd rather not talk about"

But that would be me in my current work environment.

I agree with the others, the least they know the better

That in all honesty would be perfect! Haha.. unfortunately I'm pretty introverted I don't know if I could pull that off but I'm sure someone here could use it. I definitely like it

[tipper1492]

UH I did not give enough info to the "right link". Will try again later, the certain article that is.

[tipper1492]

Official Journal of the world psychiatric associations & from there - UNDERSTANDING THE IMPACT OF STIGMA ON PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESS ------------------ should get you to the right article. I found it very informational, with lots of info on both self, and those around you, and the way they may feel about mental illness, or perhaps people with mental illness. This article makes me want to keep it hush - hush. Only you're closest friends, perhaps care about you, and yet even they may not be able to understand your mental illness, or what you are dealing with.

[tipper1492]

If they do not understand, you will get a nose bleed trying to explain it to them.

[loophole]

Anyone have a link to the article/pdf? I've been looking but can't find the right article

[StayinAlive]

Think I found it: Understanding the impact of stigma on people with mental illness .

[Hobbit House]

I wouldn't say anything unless asked directly. If asked directly I would tell the truth but would limit the information I told them. Let them draw their own conclusions...

[loophole]

Thanks for the link. Alot of big words lol.. interesting for sure

[BlackSheep79]

I'm not giving advice or trying to disrespect anyone, just giving my own personal experience and beliefs. Every situation is different. I work for a huge corporation and worked 6 years, left to finish school, couldn't find a job and came back as a temp. In between that time I was finally diagnosed. Well I came back as a temp. And would miss a lot of work and was afraid of losing my job so I brought a doctor slip to my boss. I made the decision to tell him. He made it sound as though in his personal life, like a loved one, that he understood what I was going thru. He was very supportive and still is. So anyway I was hired in and went on intermittent FMLA and I am on med leave at least once a year. I have been there for 4 years now. I finally started to tell people and I didn't really care anymore. I was sick of the looks when I would get back from being gone and decided I'm sick of being fake to the world. I knew there would be people that would not understand, and I made the decision that I was ok with that. I felt that I could help others that we're going thru mental illness or if they had loved ones. Just last weekend I took a co-workers/friends daughter out for the day and then talked to her because she has been diagnosed with a mood disorder and has been cutting and messing with pills. This was exactly what I went thru at that age and I was able to connect to her and help her. I have also given her mom advice. How can we break the stigma if we don't talk about it? I have put my job on the line by making this decision. I have a masters degree and my goal is to work my way up thru the company. If it doesn't happen then oh well, at least I have helped others understand the illness that we experience. This is definitely a choice and I want to make that very clear. It's just that I have made a choice that most wouldn't, but I have also had all three of my supervisors support and a lot of support from my co-workers., more than I thought. Just a month ago I was on med-leave and received a card in the mail from my co-workers and it made me cry because I knew that they truly cared about me and what I was going thru. Again, I hope I didn't upset anyone that was not my purpose.

[loophole]

Blacksheep. Not at all and that's awesome... I think it's great. Unfortunately I work with almost all men. Who are a suck it up and be a man type of personalities (call me rude but I call it ignorance to have a be a man type attitude).. anyway yah if I did it I would be tossed aside by most and worse by others.. maybe 5 out of 500 would have true empathy and be willing to stick there nose out just a little bit to show it... in all honesty many days I wish I did something else.. unfortunately (fortunately) I make really good money there and there's nothing that will match that out there.. if I was single I'd probably still pack it up and quit but I got a family to take care of... kids etc... so I guess it's "time to suck it up and be a man" :/ ohwell.. is what it is.. we are blessed.. should be happy about that... I drowned on some. Sorry

[StayinAlive]

Originally Posted by loophole

Thanks for the link. Alot of big words lol.. interesting for sure

I thought so, too, about the big words.