[Lacer Vita]

How do you handle being told that the brightest parts of your life are really a mental illness? How do you cope? How do I cope?

I thought I was spiritual. Mountain top experiences followed by crashes into depression. I thought that super-energetic, clean-all-the-things person was the Real Me. But it's not. It's just a symptom of another mental illness. I've already had to deal with what I thought as a spirit guide was really a hallucination/delusion due to Schizoaffective disorder. Now it feels like I'm losing even more, and it sucks.

It just sucks.

Not to make things more confusing, but I'm not so sure mental illness is entirely ill. I mean, it is when it's a problem, when it interferes with living a good life. But I don't think all of it is "just" an illness. Some of it brings insight and compassion and an ability to see a different perspective. You are still you. More interesting than most. Don't let a dx redefine you.

[surfacetoair]

It brings out strengths and talents alot, but when we get wrapped up in whatever it is we feel we are compelled to do, there is a line that can get crossed. I can't count how many times a casual interest has turned into a compulsion. The only good to come from any of those moments is that somehow I became an artist. The fact that once locked myself in my room and painted for 2 straight days, without sleep and not showing up at work is an example of that invisable line. I agree that not all of it is an illness, and having a spirit guide is perfectly rational, speaking as one who believes he has a spirit guide.

[Trippin2.0]

How do I cope?

I embrace the fact that all of it isn't ugly, that there are good bits I would never experience otherwise...


So what if I heard the voice of God (who btw saved me from an abusive relationship) and felt alive with the vibrations of the universe, so what if I'm so happy it's akin to feeling in love with life itself? So what if sometimes I don't sleep for a few days but remain extremely productive?

So what.



None of those experiences hurt myself or others, so I don't see any reason to loath them, and sometimes when in the right frame of mind I can even be thankful for them.


That's how I cope, I refuse to pathologise every single experience or mood, and try to remain thankful for the bits that make my life more interesting. Only time I separate my actions or current state from myself and attribute it to my DX is when its negatively impacting my life, my functioning or my loved ones.


The rest I just roll with😉

[Sprite22]

Coping is hard for me, I wish I had answers. I too suffer the same.

[Mountainbard]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

<snip>

Only time I separate my actions or current state from myself and attribute it to my DX is when its negatively impacting my life, my functioning or my loved ones.

The rest I just roll with��

Trippin I think you can feel in tune with the universe again, even while controlling your condition. And thank you thank you thank you for that wonderful formulation. I'd been wrestling with this issue myself, and attributing things to my Dx only when they negatively impact my life, functioning, or loved ones is something I'm going to strive to do. It's an incredibly healthy approach!

all the best,
Randy

[A Red Panda]

They're still me. The best bits and the worst bits, still me, even if it's my brain messing with me! I tend to just go "hey, look at that! Yay brain vacation!" with the ups... and I go to war with my brain in my downs.

It's all still me. Some of it I just don't like and can't change all that much! The Real Me is all of the good things - including my ups, because I've chosen to accept those as real.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Mountainbard

Trippin I think you can feel in tune with the universe again, even while controlling your condition. And thank you thank you thank you for that wonderful formulation. I'd been wrestling with this issue myself, and attributing things to my Dx only when they negatively impact my life, functioning, or loved ones is something I'm going to strive to do. It's an incredibly healthy approach!



all the best,

Randy

You're most welcome


I've done alot of work on my perceptions since being dxd, and can honestly say its taken a load off. Healthier perceptions obviously don't equal being symptom free, but at least they make symptoms a bit easier to live with and thus more manageable...


Also, because I've taken a "roll with it" stance and am no longer on the Bipolar Defense 24/7 I don't waste anymore of my precious time waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Which lucky for me equals less anxiety to deal with.


I'm happy you found my post helpful 😊

[Capriciousness]

I have had the same feelings, thoughts, and grief.

But I also simply cannot believe that those experiences are simply "illness"

I do believe that Mania helped to gift me those experiences but I do not believe that those experiences were simply effed up brain firing.

Most of the time when people experience the divine or have mystical experiences they are in a mind altered state (even normies). They are starving, or severely ill, or sleep deprived, or on drugs, or near death, or otherwise out of their "normal" mind state. Now sure there are a lot of people out there with tons of explanations for why this could be devoid of any spiritual anything....BUT there are tons of people with explanations and support for the fact that there IS something to it. just like every other issue in life.

So....think about it. We "mentally ill" have a leg up in terms of being able to leave a normal mind space. We live our lives riding the cusp of an altered mind state. So we are a hop, skip, and a jump from those incredible spiritual experiences.

Sure because our brains are so open and vibrate at a different frequency than normal we are equally susceptible to the negative, crashing, deadening parts of the "illness". But I don't believe that just because part of it is negative, that it negates those life affirming, all knowing, life altering, boundary shattering, glistening, purple rain (yeah i saw it) experiences.

I am medicated. I have a family. I love my life and my stability. I do not miss or seek out those magical moments. But I thank the God I believe in with all my heart for gifting me those times. I do not honestly know that I would trade them for normal. I don't think so. No.

The crashes are terrible and I am traumatized and I do not want to go there again. Also in the midst of the mania (in retrospect) I can see the moments that it perhaps went to far...from birds pulsating with light to music one week to constant chills because of the dark spirits in my apartment the next. But again I don't think that the negative overflow of the illness parts of the illness mean that the profound connectedness, the experience of all powerful love, the unexplainable or repeated able understanding of the universe, are to be thrown out as nothing. Like the tiny specks of gold in the muddy water....the muddy water is not pleasant and one could say anything that existed within it was worthless but it is not. It is an incredible gift.

I have struggled with this and processed this in various ways since my dx almost 4 years ago. I have been through periods of almost complete rejection of spirituality. But I have ultimately made my own kind of peace with the whole thing. Part of processing who I am as Bipolar. And this is one of the reasons I am proud to be Bipolar in spite of all the mud. We are different, we are special, we may even be "ill" and that is fine. Whatever. It doesn't bother me anymore.

I am now very healthy in my spirituality and I hold very dear all of those gifts.

Peace to you.

[8thstreetbungalow]

6 years of therapy, i came to a realization. There is nothing to handle at all. Just let go your worries and realize that you are you and nothing more. Do what you need to help you live a pleasant life. Embrace your condition, do what your meant to do in life. Since your spiritual.. God created you and designed you in his image expecting you to have these hurdles for reasons of his own that are indeed already designed for you. He knows the path you are taking and already knows what you will do and he is willing to help you through it!

Now when i say accept your illness, i do NOT by ANY MEANS mean to ignore treatment. Do treatment get better be smart prepare yourself for the world. But realize that the world is meant to be the way it is for you to live in it and that things will get better if you just simply let them.

Believing in a higher power and in yourself and all these things is not crazy talk its a way to cope. It is highly encouraged too.