Throwing stuff away

I have recently been throwing a lot away in my house. A year or so ago I was creating canvas art and selling at art shows etc. I haven't touched a paintbrush in a year. I threw away almost every painting I have made that was in my house. I also threw away other artwork of mine. I want to get rid of everything. Everything I have painted, or mosaic, etc makes me angry just looking at them.

I would get rid of everything in my house if I could- but husband and kids wouldn't be too happy. I have weeded out my clothes. Taken things off the walls. I don't want clutter anymore, but I especially don't want anything I have made. All of our wine glasses I have painted on and am about to toss. Guests can just drink out of a solo cup.

I have been on a roller coaster for 2 months now and am in a depression/irritation state right now. WTF is going on with me and stuff in my house? Not to mention my kitchen is still torn up and un-touched from when I took all the cabinet doors down and a side wall when I was hypo 2 months ago.

Also, how could I have gone from laying-on-the-couch depressed yesterday to this frantic freak show in my head right now.

Then I wonder if everyone is like this. Other people clean out their houses. "Normal" people have mood shifts. I feel like I cannot type fast enough but I know in a half hour I will crash.

I'm already tired. And my head is pounding. Maybe it was just a normal energy spurt.

Someone please jump in here to share their thoughts because I do not believe I can share enough info. Me, I use to make (electrical carve) bass fishing baits but as a whole they sucked. Some, a few, were different. I trashed most and intend to junk the rest. Then I was just carving crape on dogwood large and small. Gave away most, junked some, then only kept one now, and that's been 5 yrs give or take. I decided I would never carve again, besides it was all crap anyway.

I hope things have calmed down for you, but I totally understand. I haven't even been diagnosed as bipolar yet. Always thought it was just depression and or anxiety. How long have you been taking the wellbutrin? I noticed when they added it to my meds my I started major "rapid-cycling".
If you can stop throwing things away for a while I bet you will be glad later that you did. Maybe go for a walk or work on a project like scrubbing the **** out of a cast iron skillet or something. LOL
Thank you for sharing your post. I have an appointment with pdoc tomorrow morning and thought I "Might" be experiencing bipolar. But after reading your post I am EXACTLY the same.
How long ago were you diagnosed as BP II and do you think it could have been brought on by any meds?

I am way calmer now.

I can't handle any clutter at all, not a single bit of it..

Don't throw but everything must be in its place and if not, not good. Can relate to art. Use to paint, draw, was even published at one point. Use to do murals on public buildings for pay. Have not touched art in long long time. After wife told daughter she did not want her and she did not want to be with me either. Daughter was four at time. Probably first major cycle for me. I hope you work through this. Although I don't touch art I wish I would have kept something for memories. It is too late now! Hope can slow down and take a second.

Ozzy, I am SO big on that too. I'll go through spells where I'm so impatient to get rid of stuff, I have to really fight hard to not just run and throw it out on the lawn(!) No joke. (I'll see it over and over in my head. Grabbing stuff, running through the house/apt and hurtling it out the door. Heehee. I don't. But I really, really want to!)
Although I do it for aesthetic and organizational reasons (chaos really messes with me), it also dawned on me one time (when ditching stuff from a particularly ridiculous creation phase) as "getting rid of the evidence".

I am afraid that this might be the inverse of hypomanic spending. If I were you, I would try to corral the stuff you do not like into a designated space, e.g. a pantry or attic, and go through it when you are past the current phase of irritable depression.

That, from a psychiatric point of view.

From a psychological point of view, it seems that your throwing away art objects that you yourself created is a manifestation of a conflict internal to your psyche.

But either way, do not throw anything else away yet - just take things off the walls if you do not like them and store them someplace, "out of sight, out of mind". Your H may be able to help you decide what to keep if he has a more stable outlook on life.

I do that too but have learned to stuff it all in my closet then go through it later.

I go through phases where I am sentimental about nearly everything. I hate clutter, and everything MUST have a place, but I can keep quite a few things. Then it usually starts with just one thing being out of place, I will start tidying. Everything HAS to be tidy. And when I say tidying up I mean throwing out everything. If I haven't used it in a while it gets thrown out. If It has any sort of emotion attached to it, its gets thrown out. I can be bawling my eyes out but I must keep going until it has passed. I get angry when I am like this, and seeing all the sentimental things and other items I have kept usually brings back memories which is then a trigger and this makes me throw out even more and more things. It often goes into the late hours of the night and will result in the garbage bin overflowing or the trailer full, as I would rather throw something away when I am like this than give it away or sell it. I want it gone and it has to be right now! I will keep going and will only stop when I have thrown out that much that my wife has to pull me up and literally stop me.

Tidying up is nearly always sign that I am cycling.

Blitter, can you at least take the stuff to your local charity? Would not it feel better knowing that somebody else could find a good use of the items that you want to discard?

It does sound very hypomanic. In general, too much of very pointed goal-oriented activity is a sign of hypomania.

Another idea is digital mementos. If you take pictures of the stuff you are about to discard, it would slow down the process quite substantially.

I would post lists of unwanted items to your local FREECYCLE mailing list:
https://www.freecycle.org/browse/AU

On Freecycle, stuff is usually gone within a day. And you can put stuff outside of the house and not even see the people who would pick it up - unless you want to.

It seems that you crave the finality of the garbage bin and giving stuff away does not provide that finality. If that is the case, maybe you can use a proxy method - once you post on Freecycle, print out the post. When folks have picked up their item, burn the printout.

You make some good points, thank you. I find when I am in this phase reason goes out the window somewhat, and yes I want it gone and I want it gone now. I find I hate having to put things off only to have to deal with them later, hence why I would rather throw something away than sell it at a garage sale or give it to a charitable group. It's not that I don't want someone else to have them, its just that I don't want to deal with them once the decision has been made to throw them away.

What is interesting from you post is that while I knew this was part of having bipolar I never would have linked it to hypermania. You have given me something new to talk to my Therapist about

Thank you for this- your post seems to fit exactly what I was getting at

I did the same thing a while ago

I got rid of my car last year and not bought another since. I wish i cld get rid of my illness.

Thank you for this thread, Ozzy. Right now I have 2 contractor bags full of stuff to take to Goodwill. I do this every year. A lot of it is from hypomanic spending sprees. I'm awful about buying clothes in "motivational" sizes. I couldn't even tell you what the rest of it is. I also purged all my paperwork, fridge, and spices lol. I also have no attachment to sentimental objects. I don't have any childhood things. Maybe this is a type of mourning process?

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

Erma Bombeck

So I have taken on board ideas from this thread. I now have a pile in the shed for goodwill, another to sell at a garage sale and one for the trash.
My Therapist will be impressed

I had to find this thread to post what I just learned. I saw my pdoc last week and I was talking about my past manic spending. She said she had a bipolar patient who went manic while her husband was traveling on business. She gave away everything in their home to people she knew. He literally came back to an empty house. My pdoc said people can be so cruel. The husband contacted the people with their belongings and explained that his wife wasn't in her right mind at the time. They didn't want to relinquish the items in almost every case.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

Erma Bombeck