Losing friends, losing it...

Hopeful Camel · Oct 17, 2014 at 04:11 PM

I'm in the midst of a bad depression. Also a bit agitated on top, so I'm erratic and shaky as well. I need ... something. Doc is working on the meds, but in the meantime, my friends and family are avoiding me like the plague. At least I think they are. I'm feeling paranoid.

Wanted to check it all in, but am hanging on. I love life. There is another side, I'm pretty sure. I just can't remember it. I know I need to be in the hospital, but there are all these "shoulds" that keep getting in the way. The shoulds may do me in.

I am so lonely. I live for PC, and that is pretty sad. Lurking here is not a life. Why did I alienate every last person in my world? Am I the only BP person to do this?

Tucson · Oct 17, 2014 at 04:52 PM

When I am depressed, I am needy and insecure. I reach out to freinds from time to time. Sometimes it goes well, and sometimes it does not. Then I get angry and more depressed. Sometimes I think there are people avoiding me due to my mental illness.

Angelique67 · Oct 17, 2014 at 04:58 PM

You're not the only one who alienated everyone. I did too. But I had very few people left in my life.

jack123 · Oct 17, 2014 at 05:48 PM

I have pretty much alienated all friends and family. It doesn't feel good but I got to the point it was easier in my mind. Problem is I am not even realistic most of the the time and a little paranoid. Good luck

Curious651 · Oct 17, 2014 at 05:56 PM

Think a lot of us can relate to your post. When in depression, I don't want to be around anyone. I try and force self out and move. Not easy! Sometimes I am out and still not out. If ya know what I mean. A few weeks ago was with friend and her kids at Hershey Park. Could not get out of head. Was in depression state and it sucked one way, but I did get out so it was good another. Lucky she knows about bp. As for your need to get help, we can come up with millions or excuses. None mean anything if we are dead. Need help, please get some. Don't count excuses count reasons for help. My thoughts.

Oct 17, 2014 at 06:09 PM

I've also alienated people. I pushed away my family. I lost touch with high school, university and work friends. The only people i associate with are in my drop-in. It's only open limited hours so most of the time i'm on my own. I don't mind that much because the more i get to know people in my drop-in, the less i like them. They are okay for superficial acquaintances, but i don't long to be close to them.

~Christina · Oct 17, 2014 at 10:15 PM

Well right now "living for PC " isnt a bad thing... I could have written your post myself. I'm sorry your feel so bad... Things will improve.

Sometimes going IP is a really good thing to do for yourself. Is there any specific reasons your avoiding it?

Feel free to PM me anytime

Hopeful Camel · Oct 17, 2014 at 11:03 PM

I know I need to be inpatient. I know I need more help than I am getting. But my mind keeps telling me all these reasons not to go to the hospital: deductible, doctor's bills, missed work opportunity, sole breadwinner, it is what i need and would be a luxury and is therefore bad.

I know I am not making sense. I need to go. I wish someone would put me in the car and take me. But no one cares.

Bootstraps, etc. etc. Just plow on through.

~Christina · Oct 17, 2014 at 11:10 PM

Yep you have the whole bucket of typical reasons we don't go IP.. You make sense, to me you do, Because I have done the very same thing..

I have learned finally that when I hit a certain point that I need to suck it up and go in... 3-5 days inpatient and I'm quickly heading back to firmer ground.

Cut yourself a break ... No one can be superman forever

HALLIEBETH87 · Oct 17, 2014 at 11:20 PM

Be kind to yourself and do what you need to be healthy. If going IP will help you to function better and work toward stability-go for it. Even having one reason to live, such as for PC...is good. It means you have hope inside. You know you will get through this and we are here for you. Many of us have gone through this!

I have pushed people away both by choice and because of how I acted when unstable.

Take some time to yourself and consider what you need to do to be healthy. Your mental health is just as important as physical. I consider them the same.

Bluesday · Oct 17, 2014 at 11:26 PM

I can relate. In the last year, I've seen my only 2 regular friendships dissolve. Now I only see a friend from my last job once every month or two and another old friend who moved away, I see once in a blue moon. Hell is loneliness.

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Losing friends, losing it...

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Tucson Grand Magnate Member Since Jul 2014 Location: Tucson, AZ Posts: 3,105 10 16 hugs given	Oct 17, 2014 at 04:52 PM #2 When I am depressed, I am needy and insecure. I reach out to freinds from time to time. Sometimes it goes well, and sometimes it does not. Then I get angry and more depressed. Sometimes I think there are people avoiding me due to my mental illness. __________________ Dx: Bipolar I, ADD, GAD. Rx: Fluoxetine, Buproprion, Olanzapine, Lamictal, and Strattera.
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Angelique67 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Oct 2014 Location: USA Posts: 22,125 (SuperPoster!) 10	Oct 17, 2014 at 04:58 PM #3 You're not the only one who alienated everyone. I did too. But I had very few people left in my life.
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jack123 Member Member Since May 2011 Location: NC Posts: 247 13 34 hugs given	Oct 17, 2014 at 05:48 PM #4 I have pretty much alienated all friends and family. It doesn't feel good but I got to the point it was easier in my mind. Problem is I am not even realistic most of the the time and a little paranoid. Good luck
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~Christina Legendary Wise Elder Community Liaison Member Since Jul 2011 Location: Tennessee Posts: 22,450 (SuperPoster!) 13 12.7k hugs given	Oct 17, 2014 at 10:15 PM #7 Well right now "living for PC " isnt a bad thing... I could have written your post myself. I'm sorry your feel so bad... Things will improve. Sometimes going IP is a really good thing to do for yourself. Is there any specific reasons your avoiding it? Feel free to PM me anytime __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~
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Bluesday Member Member Since Apr 2014 Location: Ohio Posts: 177 10 109 hugs given	Oct 17, 2014 at 11:26 PM #11 I can relate. In the last year, I've seen my only 2 regular friendships dissolve. Now I only see a friend from my last job once every month or two and another old friend who moved away, I see once in a blue moon. Hell is loneliness.
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