Feeling shunned

I'm trying to be patient, I'm trying to adjust my expectations, and I'm really trying not to blow up. However, my offline friends..all of them I've known for a long time..aren't the most supportive folks in the world.
I just don't get it. From the time I was diagnosed, I reached out to them and was very honest about myself. They know. They even knew something was wrong from the start. None of them were surprised and that's ok. They also know what feeling isolated and lonely does to me. And that these past two years in particular have been the roughest of my life. (The "rock bottom" of bipolar or other mental illnesses) I'm struggling so hard to get stabilized and healthy. The med carousel, the introspection, the mood tracking, everything. My so-called friends know all of it.
So, why do they never answer the phone or return my calls? Or hardly ever see them? Yes, I realize that people get busy with their own lives and that it's important to be the one doing the reaching out. But how much reaching out am I supposed to do with no response? My own cousin, who told me herself to call "anytime I needed to" has for the most part disappeared. It's not like I pester these people with neediness. I don't want anybody to just drop whatever it is that they're doing at the time. But a few return calls would be nice. I just don't know.
This post started off angry but ended up hurt. Out of all the obstacles, stressors, and triggers for episodes in my life, isolation is the one that affects me the most. It just boggles my already-messed-up-brain. My first and most familiar reaction is to cuss them out and kick them to the curb, but that's not a good reaction. Another part of my brain wants to send a group text message to all 3 of them explaining how I feel. But then again, they already know. How much more vulnerable to I want to make myself right now? Does this make any sense? Is essentially begging for my friends to maintain contact with me too much for me to risk? All I know is that this hurts.

I'm sorry about the long, rambling post, and thanks for reading.

Hey RustBeltRoyalty, I completely relate to your situation. I've had the same struggles with others. What I've come to understand is that often they're just afraid. We can explain and educate 'til we're blue in the face, but we're up against a media-driven culture that portrays bipolar folks as scary and dangerous. Add to that the fact that our illness makes us isolate when depressed, and often act in ways incomprehensible to others when manic, and we've got a tough obstacle to overcome.

I don't have any magic answers for you. All I can say is I know I have to concentrate on getting better, and during that process, while it would be nice to have support from friends and family, if I can't find it there I'll reach out to other places-- like these forums and other online support groups, as well as local ones-- for help.

Hi there. I am sorry you are not in a good spot right now. I know how tempting it is to open up and look for support from your friends, but it rarely works. I think almost everyone diagnosed with BP went through it. The thing is, turning your friends into unpaid therapists is not fair to them. They are not equipped to deal with your problems, unfortunately. The BP related struggles can be very overwhelming for someone who never experienced mi. It might be downright frightening.

If you need to talk about BP post here or even better talk to your therapist and pdoc. Keep conversations with friends light, ask about them and don't bring up anything BP related unless they ask. And even then, keep it short and optimistic. This is the only way to keep neuro typical friends, in my experience.

They don't understand not because they don't care, but because it is out of the realm of their experience and knowledge. You are not the only one with this issue. Almost all of us went through the same when first diagnosed.

I am really sorry that you are going though this. Luckily, I have a best friend and family members that try to understand but some are just angry with me or feel that I am just feeling sorry for myself. No one knows what it's really like to live with a mental disorder that is a PHYSICAL issue.

Luckily you have found your way to this place and I am sure you will get all the support you need here.

I am new and I have high hopes. I am in a balanced state and have been for some months. But almost a year ago I was in a mental hospital because I wanted to commit suicide. It has changed many relationships with people, mainly people at work that HAD to know my situation. I feel like they look at me differently and they don't talk to me like they used too. its hurtful but I realize that I am powerless in this situation and they are going to have their opinions about me. All I can do is fight to remain stable and make my life as happy as it can be. If your friends are avoiding you, that is tough but true friends wont turn their backs. I wish you all the best.

hi rustbelt royalty,
I also relate. I sometimes feel as though I am burdening my friends around me when I talk about my symptoms. Then again, I know from past experiences and trips to the hospital, that my friends and family want to know what's going on or so they say so. "I wish you'd talked to me..." "Whatever you need, we'll be there..." However, it often feels like when I'm hitting rock bottom no one has time to help. Or they say something like "you'll be fine..." etc. I know I will be fine. I've been dealing with my bipolar swings since I was in my early twenties. I also know when I need a little extra boost of support to stay stable. It just seems in times where I know illness is inevitable that I can't get a hold of the people I need the most. Or if I can, I just don't want to bother them with my problems. I don't have answers, just encouragement to keep reaching out.

Hi, all and thank you for your replies and input. You've all given me a few things to consider. I honestly don't want to turn my friends into "unpaid therapists" as one poster suggested. Just simple conversation and socializing would be enough. It's very healing and therapeutic for me to go just forget about my illness for a time, you know?

Maybe my perceptions are a bit skewed or maybe I'm overthinking things way too much.. but isn't forming connections and empathy one of the points of socializing to begin with? If we can't expect a reasonable amount of compassion and understanding from the people who are supposed to the closest to us, then why bother? It's true that not every relationship develops the way we want them too. Some will be will acquaintances, or shopping buddies, or whatever. But these are women I've known and have had intimate talks with for a long time. We've been through divorces, raising our children, phone calls at 1 am, you name it.

I'm not trying to be difficult. This is probably all part of the acceptance process. I can see this this is common among others with bipolar disorder, and eventually I'll get over it. For now, though, it really hurts.

I just broke myself from reaching out to anyone other than my therapist. Friends, none of them really were anyway. I've went to their kin folk funerals, weddings, help them move, etc. Where were they when I had relatives to pass, needed help moving, etc.?

You know what I say? F'em. Their day will come to. Do unto others as I would have them do unto me was born and bred into me, but I may not always abide by it in the future.

When you get really down and out, you seriously find out who you're real friends are. for me it has only amounted to the reflection in the mirror, and a couple of family members.

I think balance is the key to healthy relationships. Try to make sure you give as much support to others as you require from them. This way you won't turn into a drain on their resources.

Also I think it's ok to tell friends when you are upset or having trouble with something they can relate to. For example money, kids, husband etc. Just say what your trouble is and don't go too much in how it affects your mi.

if you have BP related difficulty such as med adjustment, cycling moods without obvious reason etc, discuss it with your treatment provider or post here. Your friends won't be able to understand or help anyways. Plus they might become scared to be around you, thanks to popular perception of BP in our society.

I'm sorry to admit but even I get scared sometimes when my BP friend goes through angry depression. Even though I can totally relate to her situation. Plus most of her problems (and mine as well) at that time is grossly exaggerated or come from misunderstanding on her part. It's very hard to listen to her and pretend to agree. Disagreeing is absolutely not an option and won't be taken kindly. So please try to understand where your friends are coming from too.

This is a rough topic since it appears we all have these moments and thoughts. I must admit I had this exact thought in the last two hours and have been struggling with it. Feel like some of this could be our own mood or perception kicking in. Not sure. I know I reach out and many times no one answers I go to catastropizing immediately and that not their issue. It is mine. Perhaps this is something that can be looked at. Hope you feel better and in better place soon.