[yagalada]

10 years ago I had a strange "sensory" experience that filled me with a lot of fear. That was the finally straw in a long battle with insomnia, life stress and depression. I was admitted into the psych floor of the hospital and given a bipolar 1 dx. Over the course of time I was in and out of the hospital. Put on heavy doses of anti psychotics. Told I had psychosis (which these meds never seemed to alleviate. My experiences didn't really seem to match up with others' experiences of psychosis, in duration, trigger or any aspect really. As I mentioned above, it was more of a "sensory" or "perceptual" thing, it would be quick acting, short and random.

This whole time, and throughout my life, I haven't been able to shake deep depression and crushing anxiety. I put my faith in CBT, DBT and all that but from time to time, I get tired of all the effort of reframing and positivity. (i'm sorry but I do).

To make a long story short. I end up at a neurologist for migraines that wont go away. I'm filling out long forms, wanting to be honest about what I think is psychosis, and I do mention I had an abnormal but inconclusive eeg in the past. We talk more as he does his exam. Other peoples' frustrations of me staring off into space that I can't control. All stuff that I've blamed on meds. He mentions temporal lobe epilepsy and orders another EEG.

I get it done and I actually do have the activity on the test. I am on seizure medication (stuff they really could have put me on for bp1 lol) My migraines are mostly subsided and I feel a bit more put together.

The depression and anxiety is crippling me though. Almost daily panic attacks. 2 psych prescribers refuse to touch me right now (the one I had been seeing the whole time and her colleague) and being on medicare with a SSDI income they are my only options.

I really don't know what to do. I love natural remedies but lavender oil is only going so far right now.

[pink&grey]

I don't think it's understood, but bipolar and epilepsy have something in common. They found that ECT can work for BP and depression after noticing epileptic patients moods lift post seizure. Epileptic increased moods on certain medications is also what led to doctors prescribing those meds to BP patients. Those were just random thoughts. As for the anxiety, can you talk to your neurologist about it? Last year i had an episode where my speech became slurred and slow and I was all out of whack. It was a neurologist who diagnosed as conversion disorder. I'm not saying that's what you have, but conversion disorder is essentially anxiety that causes neurological effects. Seems to me your neuro could recognize this link and help you with the anxiety as well.

[Victoria'smom]

I would talk to your neurologist but most places have several companies that have mental health care that accept Medicare. I would call Medicare for a list of psychiatrists.