[hamster-bamster]

My 1-bd apartment is filled with boxes that came from storage. This is stuff that used to be in a huge rental house where we had lived before we separated in 2009 - my ex-husband with children and I. Today I begin opening the boxes. I will see evidence of disorganization and manic shopping sprees. It is going to be fun to finally go through and sort the stuff. I am finally facing it!

[Merlin]

It is better to face the consequences of our illness than to hide from them in shame. The consequences are there regardless and it is only by examining them that we can repair the damage or apologize for our actions.

[moremi]

Proud of you. Im sure you will feel a burden lifted from your chest once it is done.

[Trippin2.0]

Very proud of your bravery.

[BipolaRNurse]

You are a far braver person than I! There are probably 200 pieces of carnival glass out in my garage, where they've been stored for almost a decade. I spent thousands of dollars on the stuff and use only a few pieces. Talk about pissing your money away....

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

... I will see evidence of disorganization and manic shopping sprees. It is going to be fun to finally go through and sort the stuff. I am finally facing it!

Haha, I call it "evidence" too. As in, "GET RID OF THE EVIDENCE!" Lol. Perhaps that can amuse you.

Good for you in going through it! It really really really does feel good. I know because I do it. It's pretty well one extreme to the other. Going through spells of buy buy buy! Then going through spells of hating "stuff" and needing to vigorously clear the decks so to speak. It feels like it's closing in from the walls or something, even though it really isn't. (My mother is a hoarder and I've always had this deep-seated vow to never become one.) Nonetheless, among many other times, there was a long spell where I really went overboard on Ebay. It's my big reminder whenever I start to feel compelled to shop. Though nearly all that "evidence" has been gotten rid of, I almost saved a dress from it as a potent reminder of how out of control I can get. I HAD to HAVE this thing! So beautiful... In reality, where I was clearly not living at the time, it was HIDEOUS! Polar opposite of my style, horrible colors for me... Outside of going very badly dressed to a prom (and I am much older than that!), there would be nowhere to wear this thing! Got rid of it. Just the visual memory is enough to shudder over. Yikes.

(So true, BipolaRNurse! Normally a thrifty person, knowing all the money I've spent at such times sends me into lamentations.)

I'm with moremi. "Burden" is a good word. Being rid of it, you will feel a thousand times lighter. In fact, it's a rush!
Go hamster-bamster Go!!!

[hamster-bamster]

Thank you for all the support! First victory: I have given away (via Freecycle network) a big box of Christmas gift wrap, special hardware and scissors for making beautiful bow ties, Christmas gift bags including those for wine bottles (really splendid), special Christmas-colored scotch tape, HUGE bags for huge Christmas bags, basically everything that possibly exists to run a gift giving factory on Christmas. Plus, some more mundane stuff. I thought back to the time when I was buying Christmas stuff on sale; the stuff is really high quality - I did not lack taste, I lacked touch with reality. How did I see my life in front of me, in constant gift giving? Compare it with reality! I have neither friends nor money to buy gifts with!

I kept only two super small gift bags to give each of my two daughters a pair of shorts if they would be up to accepting gifts from me in 6 months. The rest I gave away. Now on to toiletries...

[BlueInanna]

Good for you hamster! I'm feeling inspired to tackle my garage full of boxes. This reminds me of when i subscribed to over 20 magazines for my child's school fundraiser lol, I'm so glad those aren't arriving anymore.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

Good for you hamster! I'm feeling inspired to tackle my garage full of boxes. This reminds me of when i subscribed to over 20 magazines for my child's school fundraiser lol, I'm so glad those aren't arriving anymore.

Recognizable. I once spent about $600 on my child's book sale at the school library. I was the highest spender.

[irishgirliexo]

Its good that you can go through it now. Congrats.

[Rosie23]

I think giving things away is a great idea. You can take the debris from being BP and give it to someone less fortunate and turn it into something good.

[BuggsBunny]

Yes, this freecycle thing sounds fantastic! And Kudos to you, Hamster, for facing down your bipolar and dealing with the consequences of your mania. I think you will feel great when you are done!

[hamster-bamster]

Thank you! Now I have to - it is no longer an option. I have an opportunity to rent a two bedroom apartment in the same complex for just a little bit more than I now pay for my one-bedroom. I plan to settle there and then possibly rent out the second bedroom (the landlord agreed as long as I am fully responsible) to help me pay for my credit card loans. We shall see. The point it, I definitely do not want to pay for moving unpacked boxes with half-garbage there, I need to finish unpacking and giving stuff away here. I have a month. Better get going!!! Thanks for the support.

[hamster-bamster]

I have decided not to hold on to things. I have just recycles a bunch of drawings I made while inpatient on a psych ward as well as a bunch of DBT handouts that I do not use anyway. I have donated books I read to my son when he was little. I have it all in my memory anyway - I do not need the physical presence of anything. Will have more breathing space.

[Blue Poppy]

Hamster........... when the motivation comes, you just have to run with it! My sister-in-law is here and this morning we went through a lot of boxes and belonging in the basement. We may be moving, so I want to have it organized. I also went through a spell whilst very sick when I felt like the walls were closing in on me and all the stuff in my house was driving me crazy. I have gone minimalist now. Hopefully it holds! When I go through the fabric boxes, I will have to face the consequences of my illness. However, I have decided to donate a lot of it to an organization that makes clothes/dresses for children in third world countries. It makes me feel better to know this.

[hamster-bamster]

There was clearly an obsessive quality to what I overbought. I have seen it on this forum, too - manic spending on too much of the same thing. Lots of fabric, lots of artistic markers. For me, it was organizers. Today, I have found a new unopened cargo organizer for the trunk. What was wrong with simply putting grocery bags in a row? Why did I need an organizer? I have also found new with tags railings to display wine glasses upside down as in bars; when I bought them, we already stopped drinking wine due to migraines (red wine triggers migraines and my ex and I are both migraineurs). What was I thinking? So weird. On a mission to organize everything. And unending plastic boxes. What possessed me?..

Kay Jamison, the author of The Unquiet Mind, overbought expensive watches. What was she thinking buying more than one watch? Who needs more than one watch?

Mania is a powerful thing in how it distorts our thinking.

[MommaR]

Keep up the good work!! I hope you give yourself lots of permission for pride in what you accomplishing!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by MommaR

Keep up the good work!! I hope you give yourself lots of permission for pride in what you accomplishing!

I sure do! And "freecycling" is so much fun - someone just claimed my wine glass rack, and I am overjoyed. At least someone will find the stuff useful.

[moremi]

Hamster everytime I mania shop its in quanity. Wheather it be shoes or purses or throw pillows or rugs or yes I have bought organizers. I went through this house and put organizers in everything and I have one in my trunk too, but its still in its package. I have even bought an abundance of cleaning supplies and cooking utensils, framed art (not my style of art) you name it I have many of them... I give brand new stuff away to my sisters all the time they are so happy to get it too. They love having an older bipolar sister. They are bipolar too but have not had the means (credit cards) to go out and splurge the way I have.

Im proud of you Hamster. Its hard for me to ever find motivation to get the crap out of here. Its in closets and stored out in the garage. My husband says we look like hoarders when we open the garage.

[hamster-bamster]

I keep going! Box by box, one at a time, trash/donate/recycle and a just a wee bit keep. Here's to hoping that I won't spend the rest of my days amidst boxes!

[hamster-bamster]

I have cleared a big area of my living room from boxes - an accomplishment.

Good for you hamster! Glad to see you handling this in such a healthy manner. You are strong and I am proud of you.

[hamster-bamster]

Oh, the beauty and convenience of having a car! Loaded a whole trunk and took to my local GOODWILL. I do not own a house so I cannot deduct charitable contributions -,put my midwife's name on the receipt because she does own a house.

It would have taken me many days of email exchanges to freecycle the stuff AND not everything would have been claimed. Freecycling is nice, personable, warm, and social but it just does not scale. Goodwill donations scale.

[BlueInanna]

Good job!!

[hamster-bamster]

Ladies and gentlemen, I am back because I couldn't wait until I am ALL done. I am dying to report on my partial progress because I can't even quite believe myself when I look at what I have accomplished. I mean... I was a total housekeeping disaster, but no more...

I was hospitalized in September, for a few days, and my car was broken into when parked outside (the county hospital didn't allow electronics). Stolen were - an old mac with a brand new keyboard, an old low end android phone, and a new ilod touch. I haven't bought a computer. I have bought a high end android phone at last and am happy with it. I have also bought a middle of the range a android tablet and a bluetloth keyboard for it, hoping that it would be like a computer for less money, but haven't quite gotten used to it, so I posted a request for an old laptop on freecye, and am hoping that someone responds. If not, I will consider chromebox since my needs aren't elaborate, but I haven't read reviews of it yet.

For now I use the smartphone and have been lurking and posting a bit. I caught up on PM, except that I do not see a PM from Confused... which I swear was In my inbox. I can't believe I accidentally erased it, but if I did, I apologize!

So for several months I have been working and working, and working yet more, on getting rid of unneeded stuff, buying needed stuff, and organizing what I have. I will describe my accomplishments and later post pics.

1) I no longer have bottles with medications and supplements cluttering what little counter top space I have in my kitchenette. I have bought a basket at Target in which I store my current bottles ( I take Lithium again, a long story why, Elavil, synthroid, and metformin for prevention of diabetes which is a genetic disease that runs in my family, and I also take supplements - folic acid and melatonin for breast cancer prevention, feverfew herb for migraine prevention, areds flr macular degeneration prevention because I am at risk, vitamin D, fish oil). The basket sits inside a kitchen cabinet, and each Saturday I fill a weekly tray with pills and capsules. I used to keep that tray on the counter, which was far better than keeping multiple bottles, but then I decided to keep the tray in the cupboard as well, taking it out when I need it (I don't forget). Now, the kitchenette looks like a place to eat and cook and not like a mini nursing station.

I also bought three different brightly colored metal tubs from the Container Store (my favorite stor and placed extra supplements (new bottles that are unopened) in one, extra medications or prn medications or simply medications I no longer need In another and OTC drugs In the third. All tubs are in a kitchen cabinet (no little kids so no risk from not locking drugs). Finally, I bought a very nice green square basket from the Container Store (CS) in which I only keep imitrex, the drug used to abort migraine attacks (I get fewer of them now thanks to prevention, but I still get some). Imitex sprays come in a paper box with lots of sheets of instructions. I opened each box, recycled the boxes and Instructions, and placed ready to use sprays, and nothing else, In the basket, which I also keep In a kitchen cabinet. Imitrex helps the most if taken as early as possible, and, strange as it may sound, every second matters, so now I am no longer wasting that precious time looking for the box and feeling for the actual spray in the middle of instruction sheets. A victory.

I got two very large plastic cereal keepers from the CS. I poured inside them cereals from different boxes from Trader Joe's, dried raspberries and slivered almonds, and shook to mix it all up. Now I have breakfast at the ready, and all of it lives in a tall but narrow cupboard above the stove, fitting it perfectly. Ideally I want to also eat omelets for breakfast, but I am not yet ready to start cooking, so for now cereals with almonds are a perfect solution.

The left side of my fridge (next to the counter which is betwee the sink and the fridge) is now outfitted with Umbro magnetic holders I got from the CS. The long ones hold tall kitchen utensils such as ladles and the short ones hold pens and short kitchen tools such as cheese cutters and vegetable peelers.