[Curiosity77]

I haven't been on here in a really long time. I've been mostly doing well, but the last week has been pretty bad. My cat is very sick, and I don't know how much time I have left with her. So I'm already grieving even though she is on my lap right now. Plus I had a medical procedure last week which went very badly, and was pretty traumatizing (complicated UID insertion). So I was sobbing on the cot in the recovery room from anxiety and pain, and it was a week ago now, and I'm still in pain. Also, there are a lot of changes at work, and I don't know how it will affect me yet. My job is secure, but they might change what I do significantly, and I may be transferred to work in a different clinic which isn't even built yet. with new staff that I will have to train. So that is making me anxious. I don't know if I'm getting depressed in a biochemical way, or if it's just normal sadness because of difficult situations. I see my pdoc tomorrow morning, so I'll talk to her about it, but I haven't been very med compliant in the past few months, and I can't tell her, so that complicates things. I don't know if meds are the answer here anyway, because there are a lot of situational factors, but I do feel like I'm slipping into depression. Poor sleep, exhausted, anxious, crying easily, just want to stay in bed,y body feels heavy, feeling like there is no point to anything, want to quit everything. I'm not too sure what to do. I don't really want to take time off work because it's really busy and they need me right now, but I don't know how much I have to give. And I don't know how to cope when my cat does die, which is probably going to be pretty soon. She's my best friend, and there have been times when she was my only reason to stay alive. She's elderly, so it is inevitable, but I feel like I can't get through this. I feel like I shouldn't post this here because I've been away so long, so it feels like all I'm doing is taking and not giving. I wish I could disappear.

How much time off work do you think it's ok to take when a pet dies?

[jelly-bean]

It doesn't matter how long you have been gone, we are happy to see you back. I just wish it were under better circumstances. You are facing an awful lot of changes right now and they aren't all good ones. It's going to take some strength from you but you will make it through. Give your cat all the love it can handle, it has earned it. Hold on to the memories and give yourself time to grieve.

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time curiosity.

You've just got so much going on right now.

I wish you comfort and healing in this difficult time.

Take care of yourself.

((((Hugs))))

[BipolaRNurse]

Ah, it's good to hear from you, my friend. Been thinking about you and wondering if you were OK. I'm sorry to read about your kitty; I've had to bury several of my fur-babies in the past few years and it just hurts like nothing else. Even the anticipatory grieving one does while waiting for the end is agonizing, and it doesn't really help much in the long run. It's a loss that has to be mourned in its own time, and no one can really tell you how much time you should take off work. It's different for all of us.

Wishing you peace.

BPN

I was just recently thinking of you and wondering how you were doing. I'm sorry to hear that you've got so many hard things happening on top of each other. Remember, we like to hear from you no matter how long you are away! Never feel like you shouldn't post, ok? )

[Curiosity77]

My cat seems to be medically stable now. Taking care of her now is complicated, lots of medications and subcutaneous fluids, but she seems to be feeling better. So we have some more time. I don't know how much, but some, which is good.

I was off work yesterday to look after my cat, but she is ok now so i was planning to go in today. I got up and dressed, but i couldn't make myself go to work. Anxiety, which was making me nauseas. I couldn't handle it, so called in again and stayed in bed all day. I had 2 days of no sleep, and then excessive sleep. I didn't cry today though, so that's something.

I have to go to work tomorrow, for sure. But i'm kind of dreading it. I don't want to leave my apartment to interact with anyone. I have to return a call from a challenging patient who is mad at me for things to do with how the program runs, which is totally beyond my control. I know not to take it personally because she is frustrated and in crisis, so she can't help act how she does. But i don't feel up to being verbally ripped apart, especially because i really like this patient and i've done a lot behind the scenes to get services in place for her, which i don't think she realizes. So normally a call like that would be unpleasant, but right now i'm feeling raw, so it will be worse. The rest of the patients tomorrow should be ok though. I really wish i could take a week off, and try to get meds adjusted, do some exercise, rest, but that's not an option right now.

At least my kitty is ok

[Blitter2014]

Hi Curiosity. Glad to hear your cat has recuperated. There is nothing quite like the love of a pet, and they work their way into your heart without you quite realizing it until they are sick. I hope she is sitting on your lap right now.

It sounds like you can't get the time out you need atm. While you are busy, make sure you make some "you time", a small reward here, 10 minutes of calming there, do a little bit just for you when you can. Hopefully with the weekend coming you can put your feet up and get some of the relaxation you need.

hugs