[Sunshiney87]

Being off medications has been rough, but my next scheduled appointment with my psychiatrist is next week (doesn't know I stopped the meds)

Aside from that,

I am so confused with my life right now. I've been happily married for a couple years. But I'm pushing my husband away. I told him I want a divorce. (not the first time I said that) You see, I DO love him, that has and will never change. However, I want him to have a happier more easy-going wife who shares a lot in common with him. I feel like I'm not giving him enough. The problem is, he's not going away, even if I tried. He doesn't want to, says he'd be miserable without me. Sigh. Plus, we have been dubbed the "power couple" by so many friends and family. My family loves him to the moon and back - and me leaving him would shatter their world and disappoint/hurt/ them and him (and me) Sometimes I just want to run and be promiscuous, free.

Speaking of run.. I want to run..far away, possibly Florida. I Just want to get away from everything right now. My surroundings are stressful, too much for me to handle. I am hypersensitive and my bipolar (which I've kept as a secret from my family) is starting to show. Like, I'm having meltdowns in front of them now. This upsets me because 1) my bipolar is getting out of control and 2) my family has very high expectations of me, and I feel like I am disappointing them now. My mom told me to "knock it off" that really hurt because it's not like I am trying to be sad. She said, "Where is our big-eyed smiling daughter? Where did she go? You look so sad these days, knock it off."

Currently isolating myself from everyone. Right now my husband is out with our friends but I decided to stay home. I am so depressed; suicidal. I have been obsessing over the thoughts for several days, weeks now. I don't want to do it, but I just need that release. My emotions change from day to night in a mere of seconds, minutes hours. I cannot handle it anymore, it's seriously wearing me out. I just wish bipolar didn't exist, you know? It's hard. Especially when I have the "good life" - according to others.

[gayleggg]

If I were you I would start taking my medication again and hope you start to feel better. If your medication was not working please discuss it with your doctor.

My moods are swinging right now, too, and I'm on medication. I had been fairly stable until last week. Going without medication is not an option for me. I've learned that after years of trying to stay off meds.

Maybe the doctor can get back on the right track. Good luck.

[Crazy Hitch]

I feel this way with my husband sometimes too.

I go through phases of not feeling good enough and there must be someone else out there who is better for him.

Then I stop and think how ridiculous my thoughts are. He loves me, warts and all. Oh hell I'm so far from perfect but nobody in this world is, bipolar or no bipolar, absolutely everyone has flaws.

Your husband is not going anywhere. He loves you. He supports you. He knows that you have this diagnosis but he married you in sickness (when you're not feeling great or miserable) and in health.

Don't go anywhere.

He isn't.

[Mental reward]

How long have you been off medication? Well that's good that you're going to see your doctor next week. I was honest with my doctor(there was a lapse of a month or so before they knew) when I went off of all of mine. This was back in August. I'm not seeing her but she called for a bit to check in, and I can see her if I need to. There's much to be said about it all, and what the past 6 months have been like! Ultimately I am still med free for many reasons specific to me. Of course everyone deserves what's best for them, and it takes time and trial and error to get to that...I could go on and on! .

Any way! I can totally relate to your situation, and I hope you can be honest with your hubs. This had been the first time I've let my family and people I care about really get close to me again since all my craziness began a few yrs ago.. Good luck girl, it's tough, be gentle on yourself, and trust the ones who love you most!! If you want to stay med free, it's so helpful and imperative to have that support again, good luck!!

[Mental reward]

...and ALL of what Hooligan said!!! 10 fold.

[ozzy1313]

I don't have time to give a full response, but ditto.

I often think my husband deserves more than I can provide. I also have "the good life" , but my folks do try to understand. They don't, but they try.

Hang in there