No support system

How do you cope with the devastating lows when you have no support system?

I was really in trouble last night. I followed my safety plan, calling my loved ones for help. My father changed the subject, my ex-husband (also a friend) yelled at me, and my boyfriend said he was too busy. Then he yelled at me when he got home. The only thing that helped even a little was a suicide hotline. By the end of the night I was so exhausted and numb I couldn't even speak.

I'm trying so hard to stay strong with my son gone. I wish I could talk to my t, but she's on vacation.

I'm at a loss. Where do I turn when things are at their worst?

Oh, yeah, I've gone to the ER before, asking to be admitted when I feel like this, and I'm always sent home. They tell me to call my pdoc because they don't deal with "issues" like mine.

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Did your dad change the subject to try and get your mind off the pain perhaps?

Kind of a strange idea, but when there is no where else to turn and you need support maybe you could go to an AA meeting even if you are not alcoholic. They have meetings all night and day usually and at least there would be someone to talk to there.

I'm bringing that up bc in another thread I mentioned how helpful meetings were to me until I realized I didn't have an abuse issue (just hidden bipolar) and that I have thought abot going back just bc I liked the support

You can also look up your local NAMI. They have weekly meetings all over the US (if you're in the US). I have been to meetings in our local chapter and they have been comforting at times.

I call the crisis hotline when I am feeling especially crazy. I don't like always sharing with my extremely supportive husband. When I am feeling too extreme nothing he does will be right. He will try to hug me, or calm me down in some silly joking way, or change the subject to try to get my mind on other things. I need to know I am in the hands of some trained specialist who isn't going to freak out or mind that I am having a bad moment - near panic attack crazies. So, I begin talking to them by saying, "I am not a danger to myself or to anyone else, but I am having a panic attack (or manic or depression) and I want someone to talk to me for a few minutes".

You know, I feel like I am handling myself very well when I do this. Because as supportive as my hubby is, it is not always his business when I am feeling crazy. Also, they have some semblance of authority, so if they tell me to breath, I won't get angry like I might if my husband says anything I interpret as 'wrong'. I figure the professionals know that I am handling myself right by calling them, and they have the abc's of how to calm us down if we listen. And later - I don't have to feel like I have to apologize or explain myself to anyone, since I kept family out of it.

Hope this helps - best of luck to us all.

Edit added:
I just had a lot of fun sharing this letter with my husband. He said, you know I hear everything anyway". I said, "ya, but you know sometimes its none of your darn business how I am feeling". He just teased and made jokes. But I really hope you understand. Calling the crisis line is a great idea. I hate feeling like my family always has to deal with my emotions - or if they have had to, like I have to be especially nice the next day. I don't like feeling like I have to "pay" them back for my emotions. Like I owe them something for helping me. So for me personally, I have used these methods: crisis line, call my ahrms worker (professional mental health and lifestyle assistant) e-mailed them. I set up an e-mail with my ahrms worker like this - I said, if you don't need to read it, I will put that in the subject line, then if its 3 am and I don't want to call the crisis line, I can just e-mail you a crazy long letter and you don't have to read it.

Reaching out to professionals rather then my family free's me from personal guilt over sharing my emotions.

Edit added #2 - When I stayed at a professional facility that offered pamphlets and classes on what to do during crisis situation they also had stuff to share with family. Write down things you need during those bad situations and share them with your people who you will call. They probably have some of this information right here on Psych Central. I would find people who are ok with you calling or e-mailing, and when you are well - share with them the steps they need to take when you call. ID: Tell me to breath, hug me, validate my emotions. Stuff like that. Good luck!

What crisis line is there to call?

The crisis line I call is offered by the mental health facility I see my pdoc through. They have an 800 number. If you ask your pdoc, I am sure they can turn you on to some hotline.

If I am wrong, and the crisis hotline is unique to my facility then I greatly apologize for my presumption that it was a normal thing. To be honest sometimes the person that answers (the staff that works at a 24 hour in care facility are the ones who answer after hours) sometimes the person that answers isn't on their best game and I have to kind of steer them into telling me what to say. Like I will remind them of their own pamphlets by saying things like - I am breathing, or I just feel so bad and I know its my illness causing me to feel x and I just needed someone to talk to - then I will talk myself through it, they usually jump in part way faking like they felt in control the whole time.

I try to be extremely in control of myself. It is very hard sometimes, to the point where, if I am on the verge of screaming I will state in a cold and matter of fact way, " I need to yell about something, but I will yell for just a moment then I will stop - if you want to take the phone away from your ear for this moment, it might be best - I will give you 3 seconds to move the phone from your ear, ready? . . . Then I will friggin cut loose over the phone if I need to. I keep in mind that I don't want some emergency crew coming to my house. I just need a human outside of the family to share my extreme mood without them freaking out and sending someone. So I am very explanatory about what I need and why.

I am unique I guess, but ya - that is how I handle it and who I get to talk to. The phone calls have been fairly short. But what they did was not only remind me of the data I already know, but also help me to feel like I am in control of my symptoms when they started feeling out of control. Just that other human in the world sharing my experience - that I would owe nothing to later, was right for me.

I HAVE CALLED CRISIS HOTLINE BETWEEN 3 AND 7 TIMES IN A YEAR. I HAVE NOT GONE INTO A FACILITY ANY OF THOSE TIMES, BUT MY SYMPTOMS WERE STRONG ENOUGH THAT I NEEDED MORE THEN MYSELF TO CALM DOWN.

If you are actively suicidal its a valid reason to be IP , Guideline is a harm to yourself or threat to others.

Keep posting here, yes we are just people online , but at least we "get it "

I've called the crisis line twice this week. They were sooooo helpful!

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