As we all know, I just came off a years long episode of delusional thinking, and the ones that got hurt the most were the ones that are close to me. How does one apologize for years worth of delusional thinking and actions?

It's like the moment my meds kicked in, I got normal and the past that I can remember all seemed like a dream. It's not fair- to them and us. I'm getting slammered for everything I've done that I don't remember doing. I had a point, a mission, a resolve, an attitude, a perception, a crusade, a belief, an idea, a thought, a reason, a world and actions based on my delusional thinking that melted away into oblivion leaving me standing naked and shivering with my head spinning and confused with everyone pointing their fingers at me.

I hate this feeling of innocence when I know I'm not. Where's the guilt trip for being the worst?

Who's the victim here? Can I say all of us with me being the carrier? For all this I feel bad. Really really bad, but my meds are canceling out the feeling really bad part. I'm coming across as cold and heartless when I'm trying not too!

Damn this bipolar! A curse to carry that weighs a million tons. I'm at a lost. Rip my beating heart out?

I'm not into the poor me aspect. I'm just feeling blown away by the whole thing and really hating dealing with the aftermath. I feel so villian.

Rant over.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi AlwaysChanging2

Yeah - dealing with the aftermath sucks.

I hate it.

Nah, I can't apologise for being bipolar.

I didn't ask for it.

At best I might say to someone I may have offended is "I'm sorry, I wasn't feeling myself" - [most people don't know about my diagnosis because I think it's none of their business].

I sure have burnt many bridges and crossed many paths.

And I'm sure I'll have plenty more bridges to burn ahead of me.

You can't ever apologize for being having Bipolar Disorder. It's not a choice and its not something you can snap and stop having. What you can do is apologize for the behaviors and work towards better situational handling in the future.

Thanks everyone. Manic behavior is hard to control. My emotions get the better of me and off we go!

[Curiosity77]

Yeah, can't appologize for bipolar, but i've done things during episodes that have hurt people and damaged friendships. So even though my judgement was impaired at that time, it still happened. I have a lot of shame about some things, which were i think only partially under my control. Sucks

[~Christina]

I don't apologize for having Bipolar. If I hurt someone by my actions if Bipolar episode is causing, of course I apologize to them, make amends, like anyone would Bipolar or not.

[Tucson]

I apologize for what I specifically did. I do not apologize for my Bipolar. It never enters the conversation.

This is a hard one. I've had to apologize to one specific family member many times. Even when I'm doing well she rubs me the wrong way. We are very different ppl. But I apologize and move on. My last therapist said that she also likes to antagonize me. Anyway, I just apologise sincerely and move on. Really try and learn from it and try not to do it again. I used to send her mean texts, now when I'm that angry I just send myself the text.

Try not to beat up on yourself too much.