[roryj96]

I'm 18 and new to all of this support stuff..

I've had depression since i was 13/14 a lot of bad things happened to me around then and they just carried on, I've been fobbed off by doctors for most of my life and have recently just been given anti depressants but I'm still having extreme ups and downs, I dropped out of education because the stress of it was getting to me and my tutor wasn't supportive in the slightest. I've been employed since October and have had a few bad days but I disclosed my depression to the occupational health adviser and they support me in every way they can.

I'm planning to talk to my doctor and actually have them listen to me because i feel like this is more than depression, My friend has cyclothymia and she is one of the few people i actually open up to about how i'm feeling and she has pointed out to me that a lot of my symptoms are the same as hers.

Throughout the day I have multiple small up's and downs, some days I won't get out of bed or even get myself dressed and i'll spend the day sleeping or feeling depressed having suicidal thoughts floating around my head until i find something to occupy myself, i seldom go out on my own unless i'm travelling to meet someone close by or on my way to work out of fear that im being followed, watched or mugged or if I'm having a bad day jumping into traffic is something in my head. When I'm around groups of people I don't know I have panic attacks so i avoid situations in which I'm surrounded by strangers. Some days i forget to eat or eat to the point of throwing up. When i get close to someone I'm paranoid that they are getting close to me just to hurt me and find things out about me to tell people or spread rumors. I find it hard to manage my medications and often forget to take them so I have had to arrange a cassette case for them so i can keep track of what i have and haven't taken. When I'm on an up I disregard risk and make bad decisions, Often meeting with people to have sex or excessive spending, (Just after i got my job i was on a long lasting up and took out multiple loans and catalogues and running up credit cards) When I'm on a down sometimes I wont get up, dressed, bathed or shaved or even eat, I also spend excessively when I'm depressed . I have addressed the spending issue and have arranged a budget to clear run up debts but keep getting off track with it.

I also live with my parents and they provide a great support to me, without them i would no doubt be in a much worse situation!

The above is pretty intense and I'm very anxious about talking to my doctor about this, I have recently put in a claim for PIP to cover my lost wages when having bad days or having to pay for taxi's to work and to help with paying debt as this is making me more depressed.

Does this sound like cyclothmia disorder? I don't want to tell the doctor i believe I have this as i feel that they will think I'm putting this on, i would genuinely love not to have these problems. work full time and move out on my own but I just can't.

Any advice would be gratefully appreciated

[jelly-bean]

Talking to your doctor is the best thing that you can do right now. When you feel that there is something else wrong it is time to get help with it. The anxiety from thinking that will make you feel worse even if there is nothing wrong so be sure to talk to him about it. I'm very glad that your parents are so supportive of you. You are lucky in that.

[Wander]

I am sorry to hear you are having a tough time. Mood swings are so destabilizing and difficult to handle. Definitely talk to your doc asap. Have you seen a psychiatrist or psychologist to get a diagnosis. That might help as then you will at least be able to come up with a treatment plan.