[Mountainbard]

I'm feeling the onset of my autumn depression. Thanks to the meds I'm on I didn't have the usual precursor hypomania, and I was hoping to dodge the depression as well. No such luck, apparently. But I have a call in to my pdoc about upping my Abilify, and if necessary I'll go see her. In the past I would've let things get dark and really dire before acting. So let's hope this being proactive thing pays off.

[Standup2me]

I get major SAD. Where I live, it gets dark at about 3pm, and sun is back up at about 9am.
I have been using blue light therapy and it has made a big difference

[madness2meditation]

Yeah, its a pretty terrible feeling - the feeling that its closing in upon you, and you can't do anything about it. Actually, its terrible the first few times, then its just really tiresome.

And if there has been a period of mania/hypomania before it, then its even more painful. Well, if it was hypomania, then its just a feeling of loss ...of energy, of creativity, of life.

And if it was full-blown mania, where you went around seriously delusional, spending like a drunken sailor, being violently aggressive to the very people who are now going to be your support net in the depressive phase, being basically inappropriate in everything you did, then shame and intense embarrassment are added to the list. More than anything, you feel completely bewildered that the mania fooled you again. That it was there for a couple of months and you did not even recognize it ?

Btw, have you been able to remain aware of your hypomania while being in it ?

Anyway, I sincerely hope that your med changes help you, and you continue being stable. Take care.

[Crazy Hitch]

You're really good at being so proactive so that you don't fall too deeply into one extreme. You've also recognized your most vulnerable moments. I seem to follow seasonal fluctuations somewhat. Can't stand the winter but I'm okay in summer.

My biggest problem is this:

[Mountainbard]

Hooligan, thanks for the encouraging words. I can totally relate to the procrastination issue.
m2m, until I was diagnosed bipolar this year, and begin to really learn about the condition, I was never even aware that I had been hypomanic. In my most recent episode, about 2 years ago, I felt like I was functioning better than I ever had, when in fact I was making ridiculous personal and financial choices. As to whether I will be able to be aware of future hypomanic episodes as they occur, I think the answer is yes, although only time will tell. And honestly, I'd rather not find out.

[ozzy1313]

Good for you for being pro active! Let us know how it goes

[Mountainbard]

What a difference a day makes! Trite but true, sometimes This time, for sure. My great pdoc said yes, go to 5 mg on the Abilify and give me a call if you need to see me. My therapist, who's into nutrition and energy work, gave me some great tips on the former, and some beginning lessons in the latter. Today I feel good again. The past few days seem more like a blip than the beginning of a plunge. I guess that means I am continuing to learn my triggers, and develop better coping strategies. I'll take it, and I'm grateful for it.

[nushi]

I took Abilify for a month over a year ago, when I had my single incident of mania in my life, although this med made me very irritable.

But I agree with Madness2meditation, the depression that comes after being hypomanic is very horrible. And sadly, I'm depressed most of the time, most of the year... in winter, I'm depressed because it's too grey, too cold, too lonely, & in summer, I'm depressed because it's too hot, too humid, & too lonely too

The times I feel hypomanic are very rare, & they're the only times I feel happy in my life