[Victoria'smom]

My son has had issues all his life. This is part of the reason we home school. Currently he has a sucky pdoc and seems to be in a mix episode. He's 12, this is only going to get worse. He's in 8th grade. We're preparing for high school. We've had to drop him to 3 classes. We were going to drop him to one class but he's getting B's in 2 classes so we let him stay in them. He still has two classes after these to just get general ed for 8th grade. Our plan for him like most parents we wanted him to get the college ready 24 credit diploma. But that would mean he'd have to take 6 classes a year to graduate on time. Now we have to aim “lower” for the 18-hr career tech diploma. That's year round classes and a tech class so he can finish close to “on time”. I want him to have something to”fall back” on if he doesn't complete a degree. Has anyone lowered their expectations that young because of BP?.

[Crazy Hitch]

(((migs)))

I understand your reasoning behind this.

I think that accommodations need to be made to suit your sons needs.

Which ever way this turns out, and in which ever manner he is accomodated, at the end of the day, perhaps the thinking could be that the best thing was done to suit him at this point in time, as opposed to lowering expectations.

Maybe see what he can do ... And work out if tapering needs to be done as he goes along.

Good luck to your son and warm wishes to you.

[unlived]

Rather than lowering expectations can he just take longer to complete the college one? When he's 40 years old it's not going to matter if he had to stay in school longer all that's going to matter is he got there in the end.

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[Trippin2.0]

Going slower isn't the same as aiming lower.

I have a 19 yr old. When he was gonna start 9th grade I moved to a really good school district. My son is quite different than a lot of the ppl around here, (so am I). Well he did ok and did marching band which gave him some feelings of fitting in. He did ok academically.

Then 11th grade came around and he dropped out of marching band and would only play his video games. I couldn't get him up for school etc. The school would send there truancy officer over here all the time and nothing helped. I changed him to an alternative school and still he wouldn't go. When he was 18 he ended up getting his ged. Then he lost 110lbs and works right now. He lost that weight all on his own and now he works out about 4days a week. He barely plays video games anymore. He's in college but has missed more days than he's gone. I don't think he's ready for college yet and other than that he's doing pretty good.

At one time I was worried he was gonna be a complete game addict and die early bc of his weight. I didn't think k he'd ever get off those games it was literally all he did for 2 yrs.

I would just worry personally if your son is on heavy drugs or partying too much. I really think the rest gets worked out. I understand the worrying, I was so scared for my son. And he's not doing optimally, but he's doing pretty good all around. I think your son will be ok.

[Victoria'smom]

can he just take longer to complete the college one? I don't think that's fair to him and honestly I no longer see him going to college. Even with the 18 hr degree you can still go to college but it has to be a community college first.

Nothing wrong with community college. Smaller classes. Heck of a lot cheaper. Usually pretty conveniently located. Good transition, particularly for you son who isn't used to an actual classroom environment. Just take it a step at a time. Some of his high school credits can probably be achieved as dual credit so he can work on high school and college credits concurrently.

I should add too that my son struggled age 7-12 pretty bad. They had him on an iep I think there called. He had a lot of anger issues and the school wanted to label him and medicate him bc he was different than the average kids in our neighborhood. I wouldn't allow that for me. Yes he was angry, but I understood why. He had his reasons. But all in all things have turned out ok.

[butterflypower]

I'm in college. It's the biggest struggle ever. High school wasn't so bad, but college is horrible. I withdrew last semester because I would skip class and I skipped too many. I was going for nursing at the time. Now, I'm back for Spanish. I'm already struggling. I missed four days of classes. I hope my doctor can write excuses for the absences.

[Victoria'smom]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Nothing wrong with community college. Smaller classes. Heck of a lot cheaper. Usually pretty conveniently located. Good transition, particularly for you son who isn't used to an actual classroom environment. Just take it a step at a time. Some of his high school credits can probably be achieved as dual credit so he can work on high school and college credits concurrently.

He'll be doing 4 ap courses because they're 2 credits a class and as little classes as he needs to graduate the better. his tech certificate is 6 Leaving him 12 classes to graduate. Up to 24 college credits plus his certificate (I don't know how many credits that will be). My goal "now" is get him as many credits as possible with as few classes. My hope is he can finish with his AA around the time his age do, if he wants college.

[Skywalking]

Those ap classes are really tough, I can say from experience they are extremely stressful. Trying to push him into taking a lot of those might make it harder on him. Believe me though, community college degrees are where the money is today, kinda wish I had gone that route. Honestly I'm not a mom so I should not say too much though.

[Trippin2.0]

I would not be stressing about college if he's not even in high school yet.


Just get through the present for now.

[Resident Bipolar]

I can't speak as a parent because I'm not one. However, as a student around the time I was Bipolar, I wasn't forced to drop classes or lower my expectations. In fact I ended up being constantly pushed to exceed because I was in the top groups for everything (for example, I got an A in a Chemistry module exam and was told it wasn't good enough - I should aim for an A* next time, because that was my predicted grade). I ended up barely scraping any grades because I was forced to drop my education due to the level my illness reached.

There's a point to what I'm saying. I do fully believe you're doing the right thing by not having unrealistic expectations of what he can achieve whilst battling a mental illness and not pressuring him into doing something that can have a serious impact on one's mental health. I think if I was given the support and understanding that you are displaying, I'd have come out of education with all of my qualifications (albeit at lower grades than predicted) and wouldn't be suffering now and undoubtedly for the rest of my life due to the inability of getting a good job as a direct result of having only three grades out of the 14 I was on track to achieve.

You seem to be a wonderful mother and that is something you can be proud of, at least.

[jacky8807]

I dont think there is any reason to lower expectations because one is bipolar. There are rocket scientists with bipolar out there. I did very well in school BUT i also wasnt on any meds which may slow ppl down. Basically its a case by case basis
All he can do is give the best hes got
Wishing him wellness!

[Victoria'smom]

This doesn't mean that he can go to college but it has to be community college first.

His algebra teacher called and doesn't want him To drop. If he attends all of the extra help he will work with miguel one on one Fridays. I think I liked him more when he was an *** because it didn't make this hard.

[unlived]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

can he just take longer to complete the college one? I don't think that's fair to him and honestly I no longer see him going to college. Even with the 18 hr degree you can still go to college but it has to be a community college first.

It's not fair to him to lower expectations either. And if the other one means community college and then normal college that takes longer too but I think that would be harder.
.

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[unlived]

I was bipolar at his age too and it was hard and I didn't do as well as I could have but people didn't lower their expectations of me they kept pushing me and getting everything they could out of me. I'm glad they did that. I

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[A Red Panda]

Why drag your son down?

If he needs less courses a year, then so be it. If it takes him longer to graduate to get where he wants to go, so what? That doesn't matter. People start university/college at all sorts of ages.

What matters is for him to have the opportunity to do what he wants with his life. Taking away options isn't going to do that for him.

It makes total sense that he needs things to be a bit slower right now. If you've been homeschooling him then he's certainly behind most of his peers. (I say that as a teacher - very rarely do homeschooled students keep on par with their peers... People can homeschool if they want but there is sorta a reason why teachers get specific degrees and qualifications...). Throwing him in and expecting him to thrive automatically isn't fair, nor is it fair to limit him.

You'd rather have his teacher be an *** than give up his free time to help your son? Really? I'm sorry, but his teacher does not need to do that - he's offering because he cares about your son. If that makes things harder for you then you should really consider your priorities. If this teacher is willing to take time out of his own life (and also taking away time he might be spending marking, etc) and making his own life harder, you can surely do the same.

[Victoria'smom]

Originally Posted by unlived

I was bipolar at his age too and it was hard and I didn't do as well as I could have but people didn't lower their expectations of me they kept pushing me and getting everything they could out of me. I'm glad they did that. I

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I'm still going to have to push hard to get him to fin ish the lower degree. His picking has increased to the point where we can't keep up disinfectanting them. I'm afraid pushing to hard will break him. He's capable of the high honor class.

[Victoria'smom]

Why drag your son down?

If he needs less courses a year, then so be it. If it takes him longer to graduate to get where he wants to go, so what? That doesn't matter. People start university/college at all sorts of ages. I'd rather him take more time in college then over the year extra that he'll take completing the lower degree.

What matters is for him to have the opportunity to do what he wants with his life. Taking away options isn't going to do that for him. he'd be getting something right out of high school. Isn't that more opertunity for someone who may hold college of?

It makes total sense that he needs things to be a bit slower right now. If you've been homeschooling him then he's certainly behind most of his peers. (I say that as a teacher - very rarely do homeschooled students keep on par with their peers... People can homeschool if they want but there is sorta a reason why teachers get specific degrees and qualifications...). Throwing him in and expecting him to thrive automatically isn't fair, nor is it fair to limit him.

You'd rather have his teacher be an *** than give up his free time to help your son? Really? up until yesterday he's been a complete *** to us. Now he does a 180. This was the only class miguel could drop as he has B in everything else (state aid requires a b average.) If that makes things harder for you then you should really consider your priorities. I'm kinda offended by this. We do have our priorities straight. Trying to find the best course of action for our son. If this teacher is willing to take time out of his own life (and also taking away time he might be spending marking, etc) and making his own life harder, you can surely do the same.how many hours a day do we request of my son. He's already doing 10 hrs and not keeping up. (He gets distracted by everything )

He's young. I honestly wouldn't be focused on college which is several years down the road too much at this point. Work with Miguel where he is right now, both educationally and mental healthwise. Seems like the mental health issues need to take priority right now. If school gets put on hold or slowed down, that may just need to be what happens for him in his case. We have to take our kids where they are and always prioritize their emotional and physical well-being before all else.

[Brophy]

So much can change from year to year, month to month, week to week, etc. at a young age. If you try and plan out everything down to the small details it can be a bit daunting. I feel for your family and hope the best for your son.

Geez, I tend to think I'm fairly intelligent, but I cannot for the life of me follow the issue here. High school requirements and college admissions must have really changed. I had a 4.0 in high school, and chose to go to community college because of the cost and also I do better in a smaller, less competitive environment. Also, students get more feedback from instructors than a big uni. I then took a year off to travel, applied to a prestigious university and was offered a scholarship.

I share this as a way to say that there are all sorts of possibilities out there and some are not known until you're in it. They can't be predicted and nailed down. In fact, I think it's good to be flexible and not make things so overly complicated. Your son is only in the 8th grade. Let him make the most of that, and continue to support his mental health. The later is the biggest investment in his future success.

I went on to get my masters, by the way. My route was anything by conventional or speedy, but it suited me and my mh challenges. Let your son determine his own future, and focus on a healthy body and mind first.

[~Christina]

You said hes right now doing 10 hours a day and his picking is so bad ??

Then why is there even a question that hes overwhelmed and things need to slow down NOW ?

College is years and years away. Maybe once he is done with high school he might not even want college and find a wonderful career on his own and not be bogged down with student loan debt until he's 50 years old.

I understand that you have had this plan for him, but plans need to be adjusted all the time for all kinds of reasons, Life is life, ever changing.

[cmorales]

I was about 12 when my illness really started to kick in. I wasn't medicated or even seeing a therapist until I was 28 years old. My advice to you, from a BP kid who struggled all through middle school and well into high school, is try to deal with the illness first and foremost. (It didn't help my case in junior high or high school that I had teachers who were very condescending and parents who were in denial about my mental state.)

I think that lowering the number of classes or whatever is fine until you guys get his illness under better control. There is always summer school (or intersessions in year round classes) to play catch up later on.

I think it is great that your son has you, an understanding person, as a parent. I never had that until recently when I came out to my parents about why I was in treatment. But when I was 15 or so, I came to my mom and asked her to see a mental health professional about my issues but was told, "you're fine." So the fact that you are right there with your son is great!

Don't worry too much about academics right now. Worry about his treatment plan and let him be a kid and allow him to do as much school work as he feels he can. Pushing a kid of any age too hard and making college expectations of them at such a young age is not good for any kid. It will only add stress to their young lives and stress can only add to the hell of BP. College; that comes later. In time, I am certain your son will find something he is passionate enough about to pursue a career in it with great interest, but for now, focus on treatment of his BP the best you can because, regardless of how much or how little academic activity he is involved in, school and life are much easier when you are as close to stable as possible. I didn't really get my life together until I started treatment. Treatment is what allowed me to go back to school (in a certificate program) and has allowed me to enjoy life more and manage stress better.

I'm sorry his pdoc sucks. I can only imagine having a crappy pdoc and not really being able to switch, so, I cannot really offer any advice on that front. But I do hope everything works out for the better for you and your son.