[kloonbloon28]

So I have recently been diagnosed with Bipolar after manic episodes lasting over the course of 6 months. In these episodes I spent lots of money, started "business" endeavors and ending up sleeping with someone else and my Husband found out. He was obviously devastated and I was heartbroken I hurt him. Now I'm on meds and we are in counseling. I have been more than cooperative in everything my husband has asked me of me including giving him all my credit cards and logins and passwords to EVERYTHING.. he asked for my work email login and that's where I had to draw the line. I'm starting to feel like he is taking advantage of the situation in his demands now. He is constantly saying how I owe him this or that (sex mainly) because I've destroyed his self esteem. To be honest I dont feel like doing anything.at.all. right now. I'm still adjusting to the meds and the diagnosis and I'm just trying to get by. Literally taking it day to day and he is constantly guilting me for not being in a good mood and not wanting to be all over him. I guess my question is, is it fair for him to be doing this? Any ideas on what I can tell him to help him understand he is making this so much more difficult for me and is making me feel guilty because I can't give him what he is saying he needs to feel better? He is even withholding things from me if I'm not "intimate" towards him. Nothing I do is enough and I've exhausted myself trying to meet his demands.

[Hexagram]

Sounds like a scary level of guilt and stress for you. I'd tell your husband that you understand that you wounded his pride and broke a vow but your transgressions were textbook symptoms of a widely-recognized and professionally-diagnosed mental illness (say those last two words especially slowly for maximum impact) which has disrupted your lives and from which you are trying very hard to recover. His stressing you out for sex and affection for his own validation will make things worse for you, not better.

You could freak out. Play the crazy card... remember that being officially diagnosed with a respected mental illness means that you can continue to get away with some pretty sketchy behavior. You could impress upon him the dangerous and generally unpredictable consequences of stress on an unquiet mind.

Put in writing that his constant requests for sex and demonstrations of affection and his total invasion of your every privacy at a time when you are recovering from a disabling disease are self-centered demands tantamount to assault. Counter-accuse that his continued and aggressive suspicion that you have resumed symptomatic behavior while in recovery under treatment suggests that he himself has something to hide, that he has sought validation after your infidelity outside your marriage. Leave this in a greeting card accompanied by a tasteful arrangement of flowers, somewhere he'll find it. Just to be clear, I'm suggesting that you throw your husband on the defensive by accusing him of having his own affair. This doesn't necessarily make a whole lot of sense, but the surprise of a righteous counterattack could stun him and buy you some time. A month from now you can further jack up the tension in your favor by confronting him with the credit card statement indicating your purchase of the flowers you gave him with the accusation card, and furiously accuse him of buying flowers for a mistress. Demand to be worshipped as an angry goddess.

I'm so busy plotting the psyop against your husband that I forgot to ask; of course it's none of my business, but none of this is, so how did you come to 'end up sleeping with someone else'? Was it something completely random or was it something you had considered even before you became manic? Reason I ask is, was this something symptomatic of a problem in your marriage that might have happened even had you not become manic, something that would eventually have happened anyway? Would that make it any easier to live with or understand?

I'm sincerely sorry that you're in this trouble and I wish you and your husband the best. I lived in Utah for three months and I know it's never easy.

[Ruftin]

Originally Posted by kloonbloon28

So I have recently been diagnosed with Bipolar after manic episodes lasting over the course of 6 months. In these episodes I spent lots of money, started "business" endeavors and ending up sleeping with someone else and my Husband found out. He was obviously devastated and I was heartbroken I hurt him. Now I'm on meds and we are in counseling. I have been more than cooperative in everything my husband has asked me of me including giving him all my credit cards and logins and passwords to EVERYTHING.. he asked for my work email login and that's where I had to draw the line. I'm starting to feel like he is taking advantage of the situation in his demands now. He is constantly saying how I owe him this or that (sex mainly) because I've destroyed his self esteem. To be honest I dont feel like doing anything.at.all. right now. I'm still adjusting to the meds and the diagnosis and I'm just trying to get by. Literally taking it day to day and he is constantly guilting me for not being in a good mood and not wanting to be all over him. I guess my question is, is it fair for him to be doing this? Any ideas on what I can tell him to help him understand he is making this so much more difficult for me and is making me feel guilty because I can't give him what he is saying he needs to feel better? He is even withholding things from me if I'm not "intimate" towards him. Nothing I do is enough and I've exhausted myself trying to meet his demands.

kloonbloon...I know all too well the destructive effects of mania, as I am leaving dead bodies (not literally) everywhere I go when manic. The damage I cause seems to be irreversible to me. I fear getting close to anyone. I don't want to hurt others anymore.

I can imagine the hurt this has caused your husband. Try to put the shoe on the other foot and see it from his point of view. I doubt he can or ever will see it from the perspective of an injured mind. Unless personally experienced how could he know???

Just keep trying to do thing that rebuild him up as a man. His pride has been severely injured. Push yourself even when you don't feel like it. Being mentally ill will not give you an upper hand or excuse your behavior in this world. We are still responsible for our actions and their effects on others.

I hope you can encourage him to research you illness so that he can better understand it. Yes! You need to be an open book. Not what you want to hear but love is rare these days and It is always my hope that it not die. (I am a woman) Didn't want you to think this was a man's opinion. Sorry for the tough love.

[Turtlesoup]

Hi koonbloon-sorry you're going through this but as they say I can relate (been there done those things). I think you need to open up these issues with your counselor or tdoc-I don't think they would be supportive of your husband's behavior but for what it's worth he is probably acting out & feeling very vulnerable right now. Your work email though I don't think is an option-everywhere I have worked no one else is supposed to have access to that. I also think a tdoc would say it's not reasonable for you just to just hop in the sack & carry on like nothing happened-for me anyway I don't think it's ever appropriate to demand sex. If these things have been brought up maybe you need a different counselor & you 2 also might benefit from separate counseling as well. Please take care

[kloonbloon28]

I appreciate the tough love! Sometimes it is just what you need

[Crazy Hitch]

((((kloonbloon28))))))

I appreciate how difficult this time is right now for you.

He's jumped to the polar end of "over-protective" I guess because he's scared of losing you so if he keeps you on a leash how far away can you run? He probably thinks not very far but unfortunately you'll land up snapping the leash. There needs to be some middle ground where you are both walking along this path together holding hands.

I've been in the same boat before before I got married with my husband I would mess up all the time then ask myself why I did it and cry all the time into deep despair it's like your mind is somewhere else when that happens idk you do reckless things but it doesn'take it right you have to try and control yourself my husband when this Happened and I told him what I did he became very depressed and I was depressed for hurting him he to demanded sex and demanded me to do things to him! And told me he would decide later if he would take me back and this happened multiple times idk why but looking back it seemed wrong for him to demand sex from me ya know and after all that our relationship never was the same I had to keep gaining his trust over and over again everytime I messed up and back then I didn't know I was bipolar but I knew something was up now there's no hiding it at all I've gotten involved in risky behavior before I was married and my friends would tell me there is something wrong with you. Ppl who actually noticed and my husband knows now I don't think he understands me still to this day he will never fully understand unless he enters my mind for a day I'm sorry your going through this bipolar is very serious and can damage everything especially relationships sometimes I just want to be alone so I don't hurt anyone but I wish I could be loved you know my husband doesn't show much affection towardd me anymore but I think he is doing that to you to show he is in charge and to keep you like you owe him sex bc you messed up I'm sorry your going through this been there done that same thing happened to me:/ it hurt my feelings bc I hurt him and couldn't do crap about it I hope things get better its up to you if you want to stay and let him keep forcing you to have sex with me or not.