[UpDownMiddleGround]

My pdoc appointment was Friday. By the time Friday came, I was exhausted. The last few weeks, have been a manic ride. I thought i was coming down and I would spike back up. Last week i was averaging about three hours of sleep a night. I pseudo-slept one night (trance like -- weird), and the next morning I was full of energy with a mind bouncing all over the place. I got to work on Friday, exhausted and my mind started bouncing all over the place again. I just wanted to break out in tears and crawl under my desk.

I am so glad that my friend went to the appointment with me. She'd taken the time to do something that i was unable to do. I'd told her last week that i wanted to try to pull together notes regarding my mood that were more descriptive than my chart. She went back through text messages and wrote down what she could. I didn't know she was going to do that and it threw me off for a minute, but by the end of the session that was twice as long as scheduled, I was so grateful.

I told my pdoc some general information about what has been going on, but when he started talking to me, it was like phrases flying at my face with one sticking to me every now and then. He started talking specific days on my charts, explaining medications, explaining the disorder, etc. The tears came. I just couldnt process what he was saying to me. i told him that i knew he had not been with me all week so he did not know what I'd been through, but that i was extremely tired.

He kept talking.

I shut down. All of that discussion and all i needed to know was what i needed to do on friday to make it stop.

He kept my concerns in mind as he was talking through the plan. My friend wrote a bunch of stuff down to share later. My doc changed my meds to address mania. Thank GOD.

Friday night was awful. I ended up going to the pharmacy three times to attempt to get my meds because the insurance company would not approve what he prescribed. The cash pay amount. . . $1000. My point of view by that time was that they were going to have to pay for a hospital stay because they would not pay for medication. . .

I had to call my pdoc back to get him to call in something else. I'm so much better today than Friday. I just pray this new medication works. My next appointment is in a week.

I'm nervous, i can't control this disorder. . . It has a mind of it's own. This last episode lasted longer than any manic episode has lasted and it was more intense than any episode i have had. I really don't need this to get any worse.

[sideblinded]

UpDownMiddleGround, I am so thankful that your friend helped you and wrote down that needed information. I am sorry that you are struggling with the ups and downs of this awful illness. I really hope the new medication works for you and you have smooth sailing. Hang in there and hopefully another week will make a difference as well.