[Becoming]

I'm thinking really ahead here, but I'm trying to become the best me I can be (hence the name "becoming"). What that really means is managing my Bipolar.

I say I'm thinking ahead because I do not foresee a relationship in the near future, however, I want to be prepared to manage one. I heard a scary statistic that 90% of people with Bipolar get a divorce. I get nervous about relationships and I do want to get married one day.

While I'm single and committed to becoming a better me, I want to consider the future. It's not worry per se, but maybe caution. I really want my next relationship to work out or to go more smoothly. Yes, I know it takes two, but I'm one of the two, so does anybody have any tips/experiences with having a successful relationship?

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The only way a relationship can work with this disorder is as long that there is honesty, an understanding of the illness by both parties, mutual compassion and forgiveness, patience, understanding, love, long suffering, endurance, faithfulness, and all the other good stuff that needs to be in a relationship. If you get one of those, I'm so happy for you. I've tried 4 times already and it's all the same, no good try again

I'm not scared, I'll do it again and again till I get it right! I hope I hope!

[Crazy Hitch]

Well this is a very interesting question indeed.

And do you know what is even more interesting?

People who are NOT diagnosed Bipolar wonder how on earth they can make the relationship work.

How do I know this?

Because I've just responded to a partner who does not have Bipolar who wonders how the relationship will work.

We all wonder.

But it can certainly work.

Read my response please.

It is quite detailed.

But it should give you some clue.

There is always hope!



Please read my response to the orignal poster - Chaotic Insanity has a great response too:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/partn...dications.html

[~Christina]

It's very possible , it can be tough at times, but as long as you can both work to stay on the same page , things can work out , you have to make sure your taking care of you and your Bipolar , he will need to stay healthy himself if your in a bad place.

You need to keep Bipolar in its place , Many people allow Bipolar to take over there entire relationships, very unhealthy. Bipolar is there, can't ignore it , but don't dwell on it and let it take up too much space, find support outside you marriage to vent too and rant having other Bipolar people to talk to , well like here on Pc or local support groups , we all "get it" etc, I learned that the hard way, I was overwhelming my husband and it was putting cracks in our marriage.

I think the main thing a spouse needs to understand is they can offer you support but they cant " fix you" My husband had a hard time understanding this ,, " Most men are fixers" So there lies the start of a potential problem.

Honesty, respect and just plain love is needed in any relationship MI or not.

One thing I do tell Bipolar people when they are dating , don't feel like you have to disclose right away that you have Bipolar, Let them get to know you, that will take some time... Who knows you might hit date 3 and decide hes repulsive and has bad table manners

Just take your time..

[Becoming]

Originally Posted by Hooligan

Well this is a very interesting question indeed.

And do you know what is even more interesting?

People who are NOT diagnosed Bipolar wonder how on earth they can make the relationship work.

How do I know this?

Because I've just responded to a partner who does not have Bipolar who wonders how the relationship will work.

We all wonder.

But it can certainly work.

Read my response please.

It is quite detailed.

But it should give you some clue.

There is always hope!



Please read my response to the orignal poster - Chaotic Insanity has a great response too:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/partn...dications.html

Thank you. I read your posts and they were helpful to me.

I agree that many people probably wonder.

Sometimes I feel like I can never have a successful relationship, but it just needs to be someone who can understand which I think could be hard to find.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

It's very possible , it can be tough at times, but as long as you can both work to stay on the same page , things can work out , you have to make sure your taking care of you and your Bipolar , he will need to stay healthy himself if your in a bad place.

You need to keep Bipolar in its place , Many people allow Bipolar to take over there entire relationships, very unhealthy. Bipolar is there, can't ignore it , but don't dwell on it and let it take up too much space, find support outside you marriage to vent too and rant having other Bipolar people to talk to , well like here on Pc or local support groups , we all "get it" etc, I learned that the hard way, I was overwhelming my husband and it was putting cracks in our marriage.

I think the main thing a spouse needs to understand is they can offer you support but they cant " fix you" My husband had a hard time understanding this ,, " Most men are fixers" So there lies the start of a potential problem.

Honesty, respect and just plain love is needed in any relationship MI or not.

One thing I do tell Bipolar people when they are dating , don't feel like you have to disclose right away that you have Bipolar, Let them get to know you, that will take some time... Who knows you might hit date 3 and decide hes repulsive and has bad table manners

Just take your time..

Managing my bipolar is certainly new to me. I was 17 when I got diagnosed and have lived with it for 4 years now, but I didn't start trying to get better until September. I've been doing pretty well since about Mid-January (episodes here and there, but not as intense as they use to be because I have learned to accept them and let them exist, but not to dwell on them and let them take over completely).

In my last relationship, I was full of emotions. Now, I was upset about things I believe most people would be (being ignored, not getting good mornings or good nights, being told I was "overreacting", etc.), but I let them out in poor and impulsive ways at times. I felt like any problem we had needed to be fixed right away and I think I bombarded her with everything that bothered me instead of breathing, taking a step back, and probably breaking up with her (they weren't things I was willing to let go). I suppose I tried to change her because she simply didn't really seem to care about me and she certainly did not understand me. She wouldn't budge at all ("this is who I am" she would say and I could not accept the treatment that she was giving me).

Yes, I should certainly take my time when thinking about another relationship. The last started about one week after the first date at which point we had only known each other about a month and a half. Bad idea. I also wasn't aware of what Bipolar really was, so while I told her I had it, I didn't understand the gravity of it and I do not think she did either. It wasn't until hindsight when I went "oh, **** I need to get this under control" and so here I am at this forum and becoming a better me. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way. And I do want love that isn't like that or one where my Bipolar doesn't heavily and negatively effect the relationship.

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Originally Posted by ~Christina

It's very possible , it can be tough at times, but as long as you can both work to stay on the same page , things can work out , you have to make sure your taking care of you and your Bipolar , he will need to stay healthy himself if your in a bad place.

You need to keep Bipolar in its place , Many people allow Bipolar to take over there entire relationships, very unhealthy. Bipolar is there, can't ignore it , but don't dwell on it and let it take up too much space, find support outside you marriage to vent too and rant having other Bipolar people to talk to , well like here on Pc or local support groups , we all "get it" etc, I learned that the hard way, I was overwhelming my husband and it was putting cracks in our marriage.

I think the main thing a spouse needs to understand is they can offer you support but they cant " fix you" My husband had a hard time understanding this ,, " Most men are fixers" So there lies the start of a potential problem.

Honesty, respect and just plain love is needed in any relationship MI or not.

One thing I do tell Bipolar people when they are dating , don't feel like you have to disclose right away that you have Bipolar, Let them get to know you, that will take some time... Who knows you might hit date 3 and decide hes repulsive and has bad table manners

Just take your time..

Lol I did that, vent to other bipolars, then my partner went through all my accounts while I was in the hospital and now has a permanent grudge. I'm mad that my partner did that...evasion. Now my partner is acting like I cheated. I don't flirt online.

[Becoming]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Lol I did that, vent to other bipolars, then my partner went through all my accounts while I was in the hospital and now has a permanent grudge. I'm mad that my partner did that...evasion. Now my partner is acting like I cheated. I don't flirt online.

That is an invasion of privacy though! :/ Your partner should not have done that.

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Originally Posted by Becoming

That is an invasion of privacy though! :/ Your partner should not have done that.

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I know. Now the grudge is against me and my partner is demanding an apology for what was written in confidence, while I'm demanding an apology for the act of. Stalemate. This was that infamous straw.