[dshantel]

In a sense I'm new to all of this but have had my issues I guess my whole life. I've recently reached out for help after having another major breakdown last year. I always just thought I had depression but my therapist that I'm seeing suspects bipolar. So I've done my online research and watch a gazillion videos about it and it explains everything in my life perfectly. I mean so many things make sense now but I have also come across what is called borderline personality disorder and I fit that pretty perfectly also. I know that the two overlap each other and have similar and very distinctive traits or characteristics but I still fit both pretty perfectly and I'm left sitting here try to decide which things in my life fit into bpd or just bp. Is it possible to have major mood shifts of bpd within the mood states of bipolar disorder? It's all so confusing. I mean it makes me wonder what's really going on with me at this present moment. (Trigger) last year was really bad, I should have been hospitalized but I didn't tell anyone and I was mostly alone. I had another major cycle of depression, suicidal thoughts, racing thoughts, feeling hopeless, worthless, all the things to do with depression. There were also times of irritability and anger, and what I call my obsessions but my therapist calls high moments, where I have a billion ideas and spend a lot of money on trying to do whatever idea I have and it's all useless now. Anyhow I thought that now I'm just still recovering from that, recently the last few months I've been in this irritable state, any little thing sets me off for no reason but my mind is crazy. It's always thinking in negative. I always assume the worst. I.e. my husband started asking me questions regarding something that happened at the beginning of our relationship two years ago, I instantly feel attacked even if I know I shouldn't feel that way, then the racing thoughts start, and I had to do something so I just started cleaning everything and it was like 1am couldn't go to sleep due to racing thoughts. These aren't idea type thoughts but negative self perception thoughts. Almost like tonting myself. I kept having the thought "too much to do, not enough time" over and over as well. There were also suicidal visualizations. This all lasted just the night, I finally fell asleep and I woke up kind of edgy but I felt better as the day progressed. (/trigger) Now I'm still in an irritable state however. I don't feel 100% myself yet. Sorry this is so long. I'm just trying to make sense of this, I do have an appointment soon to discuss this with my therapist. Also I'm not officially diagnosed and unmedicated. This is my first time seeking professional help. Thanks for reading all of this.

[Crazy Hitch]

I have a dual diagnosis of both BP and BPD.

I would make a strong recommendation that if you believe you may be displaying symptoms that could be either diagnosis, it really is in your best interest to get a referal from your doctor for screening by a specialist in order to investigate this.

[dshantel]

Thank you. I'll be asking her at my next appointment about seeing a specialist. I just want to get better or at least back to doing good, whatever that is. How I was in 2013.