Need help understanding.

I want to be able to keep a consistent mood.
I hate how I get so excited for school then after awhile I'm like "I can't do this anymore". There are times where I'm like "I can be a doctor!" then times where it's difficult to be positive.

With my boyfriend, there are times where I can be completely normal then something triggers me to be like "You're hiding things from me!" Sometimes to the point where I believe he has a secret life. I demand to see his phone and get really paranoid. Sometimes I want to hit him because of these thoughts. Right now, I'm normal. Looking back at things, I seem ridiculous.

The other day, my boyfriend told me that his mom thinks I don't like her, and I started saying how I want to die. He rushed home from work because he was scared for me. I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital again. He calmed me down. We talked to his mom, and everything is okay.

I keep a lot of stuff to myself. If I didn't, I would be always in the hospital.

Is this all part of bipolar? I wanna be able to be positive and stay "normal". I want to be able to stay calm before I ruin my relationship and maybe future.

Hi,

Keeping thing in only makes things worse. Talk or write down your feeling that could help. Just know you are special and important.