[Trav1985]

So people understand me here's a brief history of my life and why I feel I'm bipolar. My parents were very distant from each other, even though they lived together. They slept in different rooms. I was molested by my uncle from the ages 9-16 the summer I turned 16. The reason it stopped is because my dad tried to kill my mom with a hammer. I stopped caring about my well being completely. I didn't care if my uncle came to hurt me. My mom and I moved to a new part of town so my dad couldn't find us. He was schzophrenic and pleaded insanity. I gave up playing basketball which I was so good at. My dream was to play in the NBA. I turned to drugs and alcohol and destroyed myself. During my drug and alcohol abuse my best friend and my girlfriend and me decided to ride on the hood of her car(on the outside of the car) while being drunk and high. We were going about 60 kms an hr down a back road in the pitch black. Sharp turn sign came up and she applied the breaks hard he fell off and fell under the car. All I can remember is thinking it was a dream but it wasn't. I still hear him scream sometimes he lived but barely. He was also molested by my uncle. That's all the trauma I've had but my life has been so empty and unfullfilling. I regret my life on a regular basis. I want to feel happy and free. Id do anything to no the feeling. I have a side of me that feels like I can conquer the world but I don't see that side to often and it doesn't last long. Anyways this was a lot to type I'm looking for advice or a small light at the end of this tunnel. I'm trying to be more proactive in learning techniques if there are any.

[Trav1985]

[QUOTE=Trav1985;4353676]So people understand me here's a brief history of my life and why I feel I'm bipolar. My parents were very distant from each other, even though they lived together. They slept in different rooms. I was molested by my uncle from the ages 9-16 the summer I turned 16. The reason it stopped is because my dad tried to kill my mom with a hammer. I stopped caring about my well being completely. I didn't care if my uncle came to hurt me. My mom and I moved to a new part of town so my dad couldn't find us. He was schzophrenic and pleaded insanity. I gave up playing basketball which I was so good at. My dream was to play in the NBA. I turned to drugs and alcohol and destroyed myself. During my drug and alcohol abuse my best friend and my girlfriend and me decided to ride on the hood of her car(on the outside of the car) while being drunk and high. We were going about 60 kms an hr down a back road in the pitch black. Sharp turn sign came up and she applied the breaks hard he fell off and fell under the car. All I can remember is thinking it was a dream but it wasn't. I still hear him scream sometimes he lived but barely. He was also molested by my uncle. That's all the trauma I've had but my life has been so empty and unfullfilling. I regret my life on a regular basis. I want to feel happy and free. Id do anything to no the feeling. I have a side of me that feels like I can conquer the world but I don't see that side to often and it doesn't last long. Anyways this was a lot to type I'm looking for advice or a small light at the end of this tunnel. I'm trying to be more proactive in learning techniques if there are any. Anyone have any thoughts?

[RisuNeko]

Do you have long periods of depression and then periods of high energy and euphoria or agitation and irrationality/impulsivity, extreme sex drive, possible psychosis etc.?

Those would be signs of bipolar.

What you have described is a traumatic life story, which sounds just awful, and I'm very sorry about that, but what makes you link it to bipolar?

[Trav1985]

I was diagnosed in 2007 as bipolar. I wrote that because I feel that's why I am bipolar. Maybe I was going to be bipolar regardless of the events that have happened in my life because my father is schzophrenic. But I've been struggling with myself and how I think and feel all the time for it seems like forever. I feel really lost and I just don't no what to do anymore. I'm so tired all the time. Mind body and soul.

Events don't cause bipolar. If you were diagnosed bipolar you are bipolar.

"So people understand me here's a brief history of my life and why I feel I'm bipolar."

[BlackSheep79]

In my opinion you were predisposed and your environment is what triggered the bipolar. Just my opinion on how BP works sometimes. I'm so sorry you had to go thru what you did.

[ChaoticSymphony]

My old pdoc dx'd me with bipolar after a traumatic time in my life. He said I was experiencing an elevated mood during what most would be experiencing despair and depression. Looking back I chalk it up to horrible coping skills.

As kids we don't know that we can have our own emotions. Rather we take on what our caregivers are feeling and if you are living in a tumultuous home with one or both parents on the crazy train then it's hard to know who you are or where you stand. We don't suddenly learn it once we are adults living on our own.

Sorry for bombarding your post trav just putting a different perspective on the whole trauma/bipolar link.

What you experienced as a kid is wrong and something no child should ever have to witness or endure. I have a feeling it is your biggest problem to tackle. With the help of a therapist you can get some relief/help with the possible ptsd and at least get to the point of coming to terms with the abuse. Only a lobotamy would really fix that but trust me I've asked to no avail lol. The next best thing was trauma therapy.

[Disorder7]

I've read there is a higher percentage of people who were abused as children who grow up to be bipolar, and frequently it's comorbid with PTSD.

I'm not saying that's always the case. I'm just saying there is probably a link to some of the experiences we live through which makes us vulnerable to being bipolar. I don't think the link should be discredited.

[Trav1985]

Thank you for your input everyone. It's nice to hear the feedback. It just feels the older I'm getting the worse my bipolar is getting. My head is all over the place and usually negatively. I feel so overwhelmed because I can't flip the switch I get into such a depressed state. I used to have ups where I felt like anything id want to do would b done. But these days I'm just so blah and nothing matters. When my girlfriend comes to me with issues she's having I just want to tell her to go away. I hate the constant lack of energy and care for life. This isn't the way life should be

[Trav1985]

I'm just so lost with what to do and I'm starting to think this is the way my life will be forever

[RisuNeko]

No depression lasts forever, but they all seem to feel like they will. Depression makes you blind to the future, it just turns the future black so you can't see into it. You may not see it but you will eventually pull out of this. Are you getting any help right now?

Originally Posted by Disorder7

I've read there is a higher percentage of people who were abused as children who grow up to be bipolar, and frequently it's comorbid with PTSD.

I'm not saying that's always the case. I'm just saying there is probably a link to some of the experiences we live through which makes us vulnerable to being bipolar. I don't think the link should be discredited.

I think bipolar can surface for the first time after a stressful experience. I agree that therapy is important. We sometimes have to reduce the stress or people that cause us stress. That is what I am learning in therapy.

Therapy can be help a lot.

Umm, hey hun, I get the denial aspect of all this, but recovery won't begin till the acceptance of the diagnosis. We can deny it all we want and drag it on in turmoil in refusal, or just accept it and begin a new phase in life. You've already said you've already been diagnosed, Instead of mentally fighting it, why don't you just roll with it? Please make a rational decision here soon or just keep floundering in the muck of MI. Luv