[Harley326]

If you've been completely psychotic before to the point of a completely different reality, how do you deal with everyday coincidences?

Sometimes, I'm fine and just think - oh, that would have meant this a year ago, but other times I have a hard time deciding if things are intentional or not. Especially if it's someone talking and basically parroting a conversation/sentence I'd heard before from someone else. I start to think 'what if they're really the same people' or 'what if they've talked about me to each other and think it's funny to confuse me.' (Not sure how they would know about my previous delusions, but that thought usually gets brushed aside in the moment and brought back out later when I look back on it and decide I'm being paranoid.)

I never act on the thoughts, but it's really annoying and makes me anxious. I don't want to tell anyone about it because I don't want to be put on more medicine or to be watched sideways for months to determine if I've lost my mind again. It's not something that's just started, the thoughts have been around since my meds kicked in and I realized that my reality was not the reality of the rest of the world. I came back to myself, but now I tend to wonder sometimes.

Does it ever go away? Will I be wondering about my reality for the rest of my life? Honestly, is it because I NEED more medicine? I really don't even want what I have.

[jacky8807]

How long has it been since you had a psychotic break? It took me a while to completley heal and went through some of the same things
Goping you feel better soon!

[cashart10]

I think what you are experiencing is entirely normal. My psychosis focused on my religion (hyper religiosity). I was reading the Bible numerous times per day and praying in my head or sometimes irrationally out loud from dawn until dusk (or sometimes all the way through the night). I was delusional and believed I could cast out demons, that I was possessed by demons and that I was chosen by God. Since then, although I am a christian, I have not opened my Bible, I rarely pray and for a couple of years couldn't set foot in a church (though before losing touch I went every week). I was and am afraid that practicing my religion will cause me to become psychotic again.

[Victoria'smom]

Does it ever go away? for me no. There will always be residual effects.

Will I be wondering about my reality for the rest of my life? for me yes but that's why I was dx SzA: bp type

Honestly, is it because I NEED more medicine? It's worth trying it to get rid of the anoyingness.

[raspberrytorte]

I don't know. Mine happened at the end of january, and I still have some residual effects from it. Guess that's normal?

I was never diagnosed with a psychotic break but I think I have been paranoid and delusional. But it is hard to know how much of it is true coincidence or paranoia.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

I was never diagnosed with a psychotic break but I think I have been paranoid and delusional. But it is hard to know how much of it is true coincidence or paranoia.

Yeah. I remember once I was at a friend's very charismatic ministry and I had my eyes closed praying. I believed the Holy Spirit was telling me to stand up, raise my hands and pray for her. Well, I opened my eyes and she was standing, arms raised and praying for me. That same episode, I laid my hands on my Grandmother and passionately prayed for her to "go home" to the Lord and less than a week later she passed away. I felt so guilty. And, there are plenty of times I have been manic and prayed extremely specific prayers that I believed the Holy Spirit gave me and they came true down to specifics. Also, I have had vivid "prophetic" dreams come true. Coincidence or delusion??!! I often wonder.

[Nammu]

It's hard for me to explain the psychotic states but yeah I still can remember some of it long afterwards. Not the thoughts but the altered feeling. At the time it happens I don't think there's anything wrong with the way I perceive things but afterwards I can understand that my perception was off.

[raspberrytorte]

To me my psychotic break seemed perfectly rational at the time. I truly believed every delusion I had, despite how irrational it all was. Now when I look back on it I can't believe how much I lost touch with reality. It was an experience I never wish to have again. It just seems like some weird dream that happened to someone else and not me.

[StressCadet]

I've had several breaks over the years. I've worked with my tdoc to attempt to "intercept" or recognize those thoughts, but that sure doesn't work all the time. It's the same kind of cognitive challenging that I try to use for my panic attacks.

I have a constant issue with having vivid dreams, and not being able to tell the difference from reality or dreams. The breaks are very frightening and very disturbing.