[Hopeful Camel]

I am an introvert, by nature. And I live in a town where I have only one friend. However, whenever I start getting sick I go into isolation mode. I barely leave the house to get groceries or gasoline for the car. I just go to my office [I work alone.], and then come home.

I feel like this makes my illness worse. But on the other hand, whenever I get around other people I'm irritable, angry, hate myself, and often just feel lonelier. I don't feel safe - I'm always afraid my behavior is going to be bad.

Does anyone else feel like this? Act like this? Is this better to do this than expose other people to me not being well? I have so much shame when I'm not doing well. I wish I lived in a bigger place, where there might be a NAMI support group or something. I live in a very small town. Well, Thanks for listening.

[UCMATH]

Yeah, I isolate myself when I feel ill. The women I used to live with occasionally knew when I was feeling really off, because they didn't see me for a week or two at a time. I just wouldn't leave my room. They'd make jokes about knowing I was alive, because I'd turn the light on sometimes.

It probably did/does make my BD worse when I do that. I tend to isolate myself because people make me feel exhausted and irritable and I don't feel like I'll be able to behave like a normal person when I'm sick. I also do it, because I become paranoid when I'm sick. I start to believe people have negative thoughts about me, that they're talking about me, plotting against me, etc.. I'm sure isolation feeds that.

On the other hand, isolating myself does keep me from snapping at people and keeps other people from noticing the changes in my behavior and personality. I don't end up acting like a jerk and embarrassing myself.

[Homeira]

I feel the same often. What saves me is being a parent and then I have to interact with people and get to know them at leats in a superficial way. I used to beat myself up over not being able to make friends, but I have eventually reached a point where I see my hiding from the world a lot, as a symptom of my illness. I have a few good friends, but they have busy lives, unlike me, and it is limited how much time they can spend with me. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. I think that isolation and feelings of loneliness are common to people with MI. It has to do with the nature of these illnesses. I am not able to work anymore, and sometimes the days get very long. I have some hobbies, and my son, and involve myself in volunteer-work when I am up to it. Volunteering is a way for me to break the isolation. Even if I dont make lasting friends there, I get to interact and to meet new people. It sounds like you have some anxiety issues going on in terms of dealing with other people. Have you sought help for that? Could be that you could get some sort of medication that you can take for the times when you know you are going to interact with people. I know a lot of people do that. Anyways, I dont think it is anything wrong with you, other than the fact that you have BP, and it causes you to have these problems

[gayleggg]

I'm not an introvert but I withdraw to my house when I'm feeling bad, too. I think when we are upset we naturally go where we feel safe. And I feel that it gives me time to recover before going back out. My T encourages me to get out and stay busy but I find it hard to do.

I live in a small town, too, where there is no support. It makes it hard. Is there maybe something in a near by town?

[allme]

Mostly I prefer to be alone...saying that, I am not totally alone as I have my hubby and dogs ..to be honest that is all I need. It also hurts me and exhausts me to be around ppl so i won't put myself through it if not feel great. Even when i do feel good I prefer just the company of my husband....but that is just me

Maybe look at towns near by for support groups?

[Homeira]

What I have come to realize is that a lot of people feel really isolated in our modern society. I think that is one of the reasons why so many people who do not have cronic MI still need to take medication and need therapy as well. Not that I want to return to pre-modern world, but it had some advantages in terms of people living a bit closer together. People become isolated and lonely for a variety of reasons, and in our case it has to do with illness.

[emgreen]

I definitely isolate for long periods of time when I'm depressed, only leaving the house to do essential things, & feeling ill at ease even doing that. I'm not big in to diagnoses, but the extent of my isolation seems familiar to agoraphobia. I've done DBT exercises to help me get out of the house when I'm feeling this way, but they're seldom successful when I'm really feeling depressed. In other words, no, you're certainly not alone in your isolation.

[Bigmike727]

I do the same thing, especially when I go manic. I know that sounds contrary to mania with the life of the party most people experience, but it is. Like I isolate myself because I feel like I am superior to those around me and do not need anyone in this world. Basically I say f*** the world to everyone.