What is wrong with me? Spring is supposed to be a great time of the year. However, I just hate everything. I have no real joy, no real pleasure, no nothing. I feel dead inside.

Yeah, I can briefly laugh, crack a joke or something, but it's just to passify others. It's not real.
Like The Who sang, it's just an "Eminence Front".

I become more miserable each passing day. I have nothing left to lose. I've had so many great ideas for business ventures with no support or backing. Now I'm contemplating illegal ventures, which may be a way to just end me so I don't have to myself.

What could be wrong with me? Why was I ever born? F'in parents had two already, why did I have to come along.

I'm trying to get myself mad enough to stroke out. I am determined to leave earth very soon.

[Victoria'smom]

Don't go, depression sucks and you my friend are depressed. the question is how do we get Leagal souport for your business.?

[Capriciousness]

Whoa wait. Are you saying leave as in..are you okay???? Do you have support? Are you with anyone? Did you call your pdoc?

Spring is generally tough for me. It makes me uncomfortable to depressed with manicky feelings now and then. But yeah. The weather changes, the light changes, stupid daylight savings time, all the sun, the pressure to be all happy and outside. Sort of tough for us.

You are extremely depressed because you are Bipolar. THAT is what is wrong. If your head was baseline you would not be experiencing this level of torment.

Please take care of yourself. And please check in. Talk to us. Vent it all out.

[cashart10]

Please don't hurt yourself; we care about you! I hope you find joy and relief soon. Remember, this illness is cyclical and you will feel better. Maybe not immediately, but you will feel better. I am sorry you are suffering

It is nice to know that there is a few people here who talk nice about caring, but seriously, the cloud is just not getting it done. I have no one physically in reality that gives a shyte. Period. And, where I'm at, I can't change it.

I realize every day that there is only 1 cure. No amount of medicine or therapy sessions will help me beat this. It may not work for everyone, but for me, the only cure is to get my hands on a winning powerball lottery ticket. It would solve my problems, which would make my life better. I could have some medical procedures to make my physical health much better. I could buy a house, replace my wore outbtruck, get me a Harley and a bass boat, perhaps a rv, and start having fun. Damn that would be an instant cure for depression, because I would be high on life.

I absolutely do not think I am depressed. I believe that I have outlived my reason for existence. Trust me. If you could see how I'm living, you would say damn there are poor elderly folks living on ss with a better life.

In 1 month marks 1 year since my last unsuccessful trial.

Last night, if my sleep med did not kick in finally when it did, I was close to heading out during the middle of the night to do something stupid to get the assistance of the boys in blue.