Single for the first time in 10 years

I'm only 24. We started dating when I was a freshman in high school. He's been there with me through my brothers death, my mothers overdose, my fathers multiple episodes and my first episode. I don't know how to cope without him. He's always been my rock through the storm. Now this storm is hitting head on and I have no one. He told me yesterday he didn't feel the same way he used to and so I left. Later, he texted me and asked me to come back and talk. I did, I ended up staying - thinking we were on the same page about working things out. He got home from work again today with that same look on his face and I knew he was regretting asking me to come back. I asked if I should go to my dads for a while and he didn't say no. Before I left he said, "I think this is the end." We didn't fight. It wasn't a nasty break up, but I didn't even see it coming. He said that he feels like he doesn't make me happy. How do you explain to someone that they can't just make someone who's depressed happy? How do you let them know that you do love them and your unhappiness isn't their fault? I'm not one to beg. If someone wants to leave my life, I'm not going to force them to stay. Tried that one too many times and ended with nothing but disappointment. Then, I think, what if that's what he wanted? Some kind of show that I wanted to be with him? I told him I did. I tried to show him. I won't cry in front of the person hurting me and I won't beg them to keep me around. Sometimes I wish I could.

I feel completely lost.

Its a shame that you are going through this. In a way this could be a blessing. If he dropped out on the notion that "he just doesnt make you happy" then he was either out of the relationship already, or he isnt able to handle being with someone that has MI. Collect your thoughts, breathe deep and keep walking forward. He will either see he has made a mistake or you will find the person that you deserve to be with. Keep your head up. Good things will find you.

I think your first sentence says it all.
"I'm only 24."
You have a lot of life in front of you, a lot of living to do. Make the best of it. This will pass, either he'll come back or you'll meet someone else.

Always take care of yourself. And don't ever settle for second best.
We're all here for you.

10 years is a lot to throw away. I'm just going to put my opinion out there and you can take it or leave it.

A relationship will have their ups and downs. Then they may have those times like this. At 10years together and your practically "husband" (10 years is like a marriage maybe not on paper but by the love it took to last 10years) opened up and told you how he was feeling. You are the one that walked out and left to stay else where. After being that long together there are BOUND to be times when feelings fluctuate. The fact the he asked you to come home to talk is at least some proof for you that he isn't wanting to just end this. To me though it's quite a lot.
"He said that he feels like he doesn't make me happy." A man that loves you wants too see you happy and HE may be HURT inside that he feels he fails at this. You can't sit here and tell me that after 10years and him being with you through it all that he hasn't made "a depressed person" happy. Doesn't he deserves some credit? Which maybe he was reaching out trying to get from you?

You say you won't beg, and maybe he was looking for a show that you wanted to stay. After 10 years with this man that I can almost assume has treated you well and been there for you through everything by reading your words that maybe he has a right to want to see that from you. How can you be so stubborn to hide those feeling from him despite the clear loyalty that has been shown?

I'm not saying you are in the wrong, but from reading your text, he is not either. He should feel open in discussing his emotions as well and as his wife/girlfriend or what you consider yourself after a decad should be there to help HIM feel better just as has for you over the many years together.

You should be there right now kissing him and telling him the love you really do have for him because it appears to me he was searching for some kind of reassurance. Men have feelings to, even without a MI people can feel depression, they can feel worthless and not enough. Maybe, just maybe it's your turn to help him realize and understand the true deep love you have for him and be there for him.

Don't try to fool yourself and think it's not your place to make him feel better because we are not talking a 1year relationship here. We are talking a DECADE with this man... It's become your place years ago.

You throw this away as easy as you are and you may highly regret it one day. The man thats been there through it all, held your hand through good and bad, showed you love and loyalty for 10 years IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR!

Men like this don't just come around and they are very rare. If he says he doesn't feel the same, make him remember why he fell in love with you. It's work yes, but anything worth your time and love will always take work. But it's damn worth it.

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Originally Posted by Sunnyhunny00 "He said that he feels like he doesn't make me happy." A man that loves you wants too see you happy and HE may be HURT inside that he feels he fails at this. You can't sit here and tell me that after 10years and him being with you through it all that he hasn't made "a depressed person" happy. Doesn't he deserves some credit? Which maybe he was reaching out trying to get from you?

He does deserve credit and I've given it to him. I haven’t been cutting, I haven't been burning myself, I haven't tried to kill myself. Not in a long time. I told him all of that when he first brought up how he was feeling. How am I supposed to tell him that I don’t want him to leave because I'm afraid of what I'll do without him? How is that not guilting him into staying? "If you leave, I'll be miserable and start burning again." I told him I loved him. I told him I wanted to be with him. I told him I didn’t want to leave. We lived at his parent's house (yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I killed our savings and our credit when I went manic.) - I had to be the one to leave. I don't want him to stay with me because he makes me not hurt myself. I want him to want to. I won't be his burden or that wall he hits when he feels like he could go so much farther. I've brought all of my **** into his life and it's not fair for him to have to carry me just because it would make me happier. I can't make it any clearer on that front. He makes me happier than any other person in my life. He makes me want to live for him. He makes me think twice when I want to self-harm. I already told him all of this when I went back yesterday. That's why he initially said we'd work it out.

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Originally Posted by Sunnyhunny00 You say you won't beg, and maybe he was looking for a show that you wanted to stay. After 10 years with this man that I can almost assume has treated you well and been there for you through everything by reading your words that maybe he has a right to want to see that from you. How can you be so stubborn to hide those feeling from him despite the clear loyalty that has been shown?

It may be stubbornness, but it's a stubbornness born out of self preservation. I'm sick and tired of baring my soul for it to be crushed into a million pieces. I have been there for him. It wasn't a one-sided relationship. I even asked if he wanted to go to a therapy session with me. Initially, he said yes. Then, today, he wasn't sure about things. I told him I'd try to get on more medication and try harder to get to the bottom of what's wrong with me so that I could explain things better to him. It's not a conscious clamming up. It just happens. And, btw, his "clear" loyalty hasn't always been so clear. Yeah, we've been through fluctuations before and worked through them.

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Originally Posted by Sunnyhunny00 I'm not saying you are in the wrong, but from reading your text, he is not either. He should feel open in discussing his emotions as well and as his wife/girlfriend or what you consider yourself after a decad should be there to help HIM feel better just as has for you over the many years together.

HE WON'T TALK TO ME. He doesn't know how he feels. He doesn't know what's wrong. He doesn't know what I did to make him feel this way. How am I supposed to fix something I don't even know what is? How am I supposed to help him when he's closed himself off just as much as I did in reaction to his bombshell? I try opening up. I talked about what I could do. I talked about what we could do. I talked about everything I could think of. I kept trying to get him to talk. He wouldn't. He just didn’t know ANYTHING.

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Originally Posted by Sunnyhunny00 You throw this away as easy as you are and you may highly regret it one day. The man thats been there through it all, held your hand through good and bad, showed you love and loyalty for 10 years IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR!

I agree with you, but if I'm the only one talking about changing things, then how is that right? I have to completely change myself to fit this person he now wants to be with, while he changes nothing? He wouldn't agree on one thing that he was willing to change. It was all about me doing this and me doing that and I was willing to do it. Up until he came home from work today with the biggest look of regret on his face that I'd ever seen. I gave him his kisses and his love and his cuddling last night. I spent every moment with him yesterday and today that I possibly could. It wasn't enough. How do you make someone who fell in love with an outgoing, fun-loving person, fall back in love with a bipolar, anxiety ridden, depressed 24 year old? I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago. Now, I'm about as far from outgoing as you can get and our ideas of fun are in two completely different stratospheres. He wants to go out to the bar all the time. I couldn't imagine a worse way to spend my night. I understand why he left me, I just don't want it to be true.

Disorder7 is right, your still young and have a whole life ahead of you, but it is hard suddenly being alone. You will find some one else that I can practically promise you

Sweetie, the way your original post was written didn't portray any of what you have just written. I got a completely different view of what was going on. I am extremely sorry that this is happening to you.

I know so much what it feels like to feel you can't be without someone. When I read your second post I could see so much more clearly what is going on. And him blocking you out, not giving answers, acting like this is out of the blue, is making him in the wrong. I wasn't aware this was the case in my previous post.

None of his behavior is your fault. None at all and he should be talking and giving answers and support to try and fix this. It sounds to me that you've been the one keeping the boat steady, trying to communicate, and work things out.

Now that makes him the one giving it up, he's the one not fighting, he's the one that will one day regret this.

When I read your original post I got a picture of a pretty decent guy that randomly tells you he isn't sure of his emotions. You got up and left, he calls to work things out. You try but he says he doesn't think he makes you happy then you leave again and he says it's over. Then you kinda saying... Well I'm not going to put on a show to prove I love him.

Obviously, after your second post, this is not the case and I apologize for the confusion. I hope you can work through this! Please stay strong!!

Hang in there (((Harley)))