Moved a bit forward...then chickened out and gave up.

I haven't made a thread here in awhile, but I could use some advice again...

Some of you may have seen my posts about starting up a business and such, and trying to finally put an end to my string of quitting and resume gaps.

Well, long story short, I gave up on it already. I decided that if I can't even hold a job, that I can't trust myself to get things done being contracted in to do things for people. Pulled my application and cancelled my appointment to get it finalized.

The next day I started applying for benefits. I didn't want to, I wanted to try and make things work, but I just don't know how. If I get them I will get job support and such (which may get me working...ish), but I feel so bad now. I just feel like I can't do anything anymore. My memory sucks, school is going terribly and I am not sure if even switching to a lighter study will help me.

My insurance won't cover my T and my Pdoc isn't exactly helpful except for helping with my cocktail and trying to encourage me to just get outside once in awhile.....and I am too impatient to see where things go and currently my mind is a mess and I am filled with so much rage that I bark at those closest to me.

I don't know what I can do with my life right now....I'm not contributing to the household or society even, I can't be a decent student, and no one will keep me as an employee...nor am I able to start something by myself....

Am I just destined to be a home body? Fingers crossed that the doctor who evaluates things for the benefits knows where I can fit in, because I am out of ideas and afraid of my future.

I'm sorry your business didn't work out. But I don't think you'll be down forever. You'll find something to do that won't be so taxing. Maybe do some volunteer work in the meantime? You can choose your hours in that situation. You can also pick something that doesn't involve too many people. I used to clean cat cages on Sunday at the adoption center. No one but the cats to deal with. It was very relaxing and fulfilling.