[rainbowdash21]

I’m not having a good head day. I have slowly felt it building up over the past few days and I have tried to fight it but I think dark is getting the best of me.
I am trying so hard to have a better life for me and my two boys because they deserve it so much. To be 7 and 5 they have been through so much and understand more adult things then they ever should. I owe it to them to have a better life than what I have given them so far.
I have set some serious goals for the next year and a half and every time I try to work on those goals some problem interrupts it and I get knocked back down to square one if not further. Usually I can handle the backlash of being knocked down and my emotions….okay I say I can handle them….but today I am hearing people talk about things at work and it is making it very difficult not to curl up in a ball and just cry.
People at work are talking about getting approved for houses and cars, going on trips, doing well in school, etc. I am trying so hard to clean my credit up from years of ruining it so that by next year I can try to buy my own home for me and my kids. Every time I schedule a trip for the boys and I something happens and I have to cancel either because of money or something else stupid I have done. I have been down so long this year that my grades in college have suffered. I went from being on the President’s list every term to failing every class this semester.
I am so jealous of those around me and it is eating at me. I just want to curl up and sleep or run away from all of it.
I know that if I don’t find a way to get away from these feelings things will end badly for me. My head keeps bouncing back and forth on teasing my manic side and my low side. I don’t want to go to deep into either.

hugs...

hope you are able to distract yourself with something (even if only for a little while)