[bbTofu]

Hello guys, I've had the 'best' session today. This may or may not have happened before, but really, it seems like the first time my therapist could "feel" me, could relate and also project it to me.

That moment. That moment was different, it changed the pervading dominant tension that occupied the atmosphere in the room.
I was boiling inside, trying to describe my unutterable agony, but my mouth could barely construct a rational sequence of words, much less tell a story. Muttering, I was gently asked to repeat. It was hard, painful, I was hurting, but I knew; this is where I save myself. If not here, then perhaps not anywhere.
I attacked my turbulent mind again, and again, I could feel my body fighting for breath.

"Save yourself from what?" her voice was soft, gentle and low.
"From myself" I said slowly, only then did it dawn on me; I myself am the enemy.
She knew there is more..
"I am chained", I said fearfully. "I can't live"
"Can you say what chains you?" she kept clarifying
"I don't know anymore!", I pressured, "I'm dull, empty, no desires and it feels like I always will be like that..."

I spoke associatively, which relieved the nervous tension that terrorized me. Yet, everything I said was devoid of any logic.

Then the magic happened, that moment was the moment.
I remember vaguely the exact words she said, 'They May Forget What You Said, But They Will Never Forget How You Made Them Feel', that is the case.
I felt as if she finally understood and felt my pain, she 'got it'. For that moment, I was relieved.
She, metaphorically, held my pain in her hands and said "It's okay, I got it" - so I can breathe again.

You should know I'm not a native English speaker so grammar/spelling/word choice is poor. wanted to write it artistically

Me writing it, writing anything, is itself an accomplishment.
I can barely do anything these days, my mind is clouded by darkened thoughts flood.
This happens every exam session.. and this time, I have 9 exams ahead.

[LettinG0]

So glad you had the breakthrough.....

and you wrote it well and beautifully!

[Secretum]

It's really lovely when you can connect to a therapist like that. Be grateful for her!

Also, I hope that you feel better soon. Good luck with your exams!

[bbTofu]

Thank you, I will try best - although my current best isn't my usual best.

It's like ... I know I can do better, but I just can't. {notnow}

[Cocosurviving]

I'm happy for you. I too have made that connection and it is an awesome feeling.

Sent from iPhone using Tapatalk

[Nammu]

Your current best is enough for now. Be gentle with yourself, this is a huge breakthrough and it's very tiring .