[cashart10]

I just got my medical records. For the most part, they were to be expected but there were surprises at times. For instance, my former pdoc most often noted my hypo mania through inappropriate laughter. There are time she said I was hypo and I have no idea. Also, everyone always tells me I have great insight into my illness. My pdoc? She said my insight was limited about 80% of our visits. Hmmm... I guess I don't know as much as I think I know.

[Moogieotter]

I have my charts. Never read them closely.

[DelusionsDaily]

Gonna get hospital records soon. Dont know when I'll read them but i want them. It all goes back to ex-pdoc, i wanna know what he really thought...i know from the brief view of the records my t got that he lied to me a lot. And i wanna see just how much.

[raspberrytorte]

I have. Most of what I read was correct. Some wasn't. They must not have been listening to me very closesly concerning some things.

[BlackSheep79]

I recently requested all of my psych medical records. The one pdoc was when I was originally diagnosed eight years ago. He wrote about how he thought I was bipolar, but that I kept denying it for a long time. I never knew I had done that, I thought I accepted it when told, but it wasn't until later on while seeing him. There was an incident that happened that made me realize I was. The last pdoc was a joke, that I put up for six years or so. Reading it I was all over the place, but I realized it was probably because she had me on so many meds, eight at one time. She had meds on there that I was not allergic to, and had not listed ones I was. My new pdoc just recently filled out my Intermittent FMLA paperwork. At this time I was going through a phase where I was questioning my BP because I am high functioning. He wrote that I had poor judgement during episodes. There were other things as well, that I can't remember. I realized how bad it can get for me, and I was in denial and it was more serious than I thought.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I got mine when I needed dates and Dr names for filing disability. I read mine. Theyre nothing more than what the Dr saw in me. Most of it I can say is true. I still disagree with BPD dx but its whatever.

I just let them treat my symptoms.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I've seen things my therapist has filled out before. He always makes sure to remind me that first he can't make me look good on the applications. But even then sometimes things surprise me, like reading that my appearance is often somewhat disheveled or that I lack insight into the severity of my illness or what is happening during episodes.

The records that most stunned me were from an ex-pdoc who sucked. She saw me 8 minutes per month and was documenting that I was functioning at a very high level because in her mind I couldn't have finished grad school and work in healthcare if I had bipolar or apparently even severe depression. I guess she couldn't picture a bipolar healthcare worker? So she made everything minimal, even when

Possible trigger:

I told her I was suicidal and planned to kill myself the next time my mood dropped again because I wasn't going to live with repeated depressions

(I was still not dx'd bipolar yet). I was coming home from work, eating cold chefboyardee and climbing into bed in filthy scrubs and she was documenting that I was functioning higher than most non-mentally ill people do routinely. I got those records after I stopped seeing her and it just affirmed my decision to move on to someone competent.

I've seen disability paperwork from my current pdoc but never an evaluation or visit note. I think I'm happier this way. She is very truthful and honest with me but I know my paperwork shows a side that I don't care to think about much.

[gina_re]

I keep saying I want to get mine from when I was hospitalized years ago. I'm very curious to know what was going thru my head then and to know what they saw. I was a mess when I was admitted since I was admitted for an overdose....

[UCMATH]

Originally Posted by cashart10

I just got my medical records. For the most part, they were to be expected but there were surprises at times. For instance, my former pdoc most often noted my hypo mania through inappropriate laughter. There are time she said I was hypo and I have no idea. Also, everyone always tells me I have great insight into my illness. My pdoc? She said my insight was limited about 80% of our visits. Hmmm... I guess I don't know as much as I think I know.

I think that a lot of pdocs view their patients as though everything they do, say, and feel is the result of Bipolar. I don't have much confidence in any doctor's ability to figure out whether I have insight into my illness and usually take what they write in the records with a grain of salt.

I had one pdoc who thought I was ALWAYS mixed -- even when I felt fine -- and always claimed that I have very poor insight. Here's from the last mental status exam he ever gave me:
psychomotor: hyperactive
speech: rapid
mood: depressed, anxious, euphoric/elevated (MIXED)
Affect: labile
Thought Process: flight of ideas
Thought Content: Clear
Concentration: Mild Impairment
Judgment: Mild Impairment
Insight: poor/lacking
General Knowledge: somewhat intact

This is from the mental status exam his replacement gave me a few weeks later:
psychomotor: calm
speech: normal
mood: neutral
Affect: appropriate
Thought Process: organized intact
Thought Content: Clear
Concentration: WNL
Judgment: intact
Insight: excellent
General Knowledge: intact

Nothing about my behavior or mood had changed between those exams. It's kind of scary that they came up with such different conclusions (the second pdoc was right -- I felt fine).

[BipolaRNurse]

I've seen some of my stuff on the patient portal and none of it is particularly riveting. The hospital admission has more information though, there's a history and physical plus some notes on my diagnosis and treatment. I don't think I'd want to know what my own pdoc says about me though.

[pete6142]

Originally Posted by BlackSheep79

I was going through a phase where I was questioning my BP because I am high functioning. He wrote that I had poor judgement during episodes. [...] and it was more serious than I thought.

I'm in that boat currently; just got diagnosis tuesday and although i finally understand why i've done so many things i regret, it's becoming hard to cope and i'm worried about work because i started three weeks ago, and i've been out and to the doctors a lot and i'm worried about my boss.

you have any suggestions on things you did after you realized how serious it was for you? i'm seeing a counselor next week but researching in the meantime

[BlackSheep79]

Originally Posted by pete6142

I'm in that boat currently; just got diagnosis tuesday and although i finally understand why i've done so many things i regret, it's becoming hard to cope and i'm worried about work because i started three weeks ago, and i've been out and to the doctors a lot and i'm worried about my boss.

you have any suggestions on things you did after you realized how serious it was for you? i'm seeing a counselor next week but researching in the meantime

I'm not sure how the law works for Intermittent FMLA, or some of the rules are by company. I couldn't get Intermittent FMLA until after a year. I've had it for five years with the company I work for. If I didn't have it I would have lost my job a long time ago for absenteeism. Also, when I started I was a temp. and was missing time and was worried I would be fired. I sat down and told my boss. He's been very understanding. I don't know if any of these are options for you.

For me I go through phases of thinking I'm not BP because I'm high functioning, plus I have OCD and believed for a long time it was the OCD. When I was diagnosed I realized eight years ago when I was no longer in denial of being diagnosed I started on Lamictal and noticed an immediate change. That is really when it clicked, it made me realize that this is what has been going on for so many years. I've been on several other meds because the Lamictal doesn't always take care of everything, and I've also had rapid cycling and mixed episodes.

Anyways I've always been on meds. I know it's a choice, but for me I need them. I've also been in therapy on and off. I'm not having success finding a good one where I live. I always do research on the illness itself and my meds. I always see my pdoc regularly. And in the past few years I've really payed attention to my illness, triggers and what to look for when an episode is beginning, sleep issues and irritability.

This illness sucks, but for the first time I've been truly stable for a year now. It's a long journey, but like you will hear on here a lot is that bipolar cycles, so an episode won't last forever. Hope this helps. Sorry I'm sometimes very detailed.